should I be horrid

[maggi]

Having seen inthenarkynonk's thread with a parent taking her for granted Ithought I'd ask for opinions on how to handle this.

My friend, a cm, looks after a 1yr old. Mum wants to breast feed still -good on her. But this means she comes out of work at different times each day (sometimes with an hours notice) and expects cm to be home waiting for her. She complains if other kids make a noise when she's there to feed (she does have sole use of spare room to feed her child) and she has asked for others to have been put to bed before she gets there so the house is silent (others range from 2yrs to 12yrs!!!). She asks for toys to be removed from spare room so as not to distract her child from feeding (spare room is also dedicated play room). She doesn't greet cm, she lets herself out without notice. She complains all the time about cm not following routine but will change the routine weekly and her feed times daily and expects cm to be pyshcic.

Anyhow parent is doing evening course and cm has asked me if I would cover (I'm a cm) as she doesn't want to do evenings and I know the child quite well.

Should I be horrid to the mum to show her just what a teasure she has in my friend who is so compliant with her wishes? It is so tempting.

I'd suggest you don't even consider having the child... imagine at the coffee break on the course the mum coming to yours do give a mid-evening feed. If she were to provide EBM fora bottle that would be another matter.

omg

i wouldnt want to have such a person let them in and out of my house as they please

but if you do then i think YES... make her realise that the world does not revolve around her and her baby!

that woman sounds like a monumental pain in the arse.

not in the mood for mincing my words today!

She does soud awful and I wouldn't look after her lo for any money!

However, if you do look after her baby, I don't think you should be horrid. It will only reflect badly on you and if she spreads the word then it may affect any future childminding or babysitting for you too.

your friend sounds a saint

agree dont be nasty as she might bad mouth you and you might not get work/bad repuation

i am all for BF, but it obv disturbs your friends rouine/day

maybe cm can suggest ebm for the feeds that are during her time

surpises the mums work allows her to vnish or is it some law/rights you have if you bf?

nick do you know?

jeeez - good on the Mum for b/f but she sounds a very self centered and rude woman! i think her c/m needs to assert herslf a bit more.

I would pretend to accept it but just mention in passing that you take it for granted that she will provide you with EBM because that is what other Mums do in your experience, of course she must see for herself that it would be far too disruptive both for her own child and for others if she kept passing out and in of your house, you can't think of many childminders who would accept such a situation and you certainly couldn't...

What a nightmare! I would decline to work with this family on a long-term basis, I think! But for a temporary arrangement I would invite her round for a long chat first. It would not be horrid to assert yourself and attempt to compromise/negotiate and not let yourself nod agreement at everything the parent suggests without considering the implications to other mindees. It is challenging, but necessary, for a childminder to make compromises with parents in order to follow EVERY family's needs/wishes as closely as is possible (and that should not exclude our own families needs).

Depending on the location and times of the course, she may not need to allocate a breastfeeding session while the child is with you. If she does, it may be more regular than your friend is used to depending on how the course is run. Traffic is likely to be less of a problem during the eevening too. The irregularity of the daytime visits might be caused by the nature of her job and the attitude of her boss & work colleagues. It may be she's slipping out at times to inconvenience her colleagues as little as possible. But I believe it is not in her child's best interests to have such an irregular routine.

If I were your friend, I would have started with making a note of the child's routine on days not at childminder, and suggesting to the parent appropriate times that would fit in with my routine (ie the needs of all the mindees combined) and to attempt to discuss her work and the reason its so sporadic. I would have gone along (reluctantly) with accepting the short notice phone calls too, except I would have said to the parent that when they call me ON MY MOBILE I will tell them where I am and when I expect to be back so she can choose to meet us or wait for our return.

I would not be able to accept the parent letting themselves out without saying goodbye. I would ask the parent to bring the child to me and say goodbye. There needs to be a definite handover of responsibility between parent and childminder. What is the child doing between the parent leaving and the childminder realising they are gone? The child may need comforting if upset parent has gone. However thoroughly the house has been childproofed a child of this age definitely needs fairly close supervision to ensure safety IMO. And should not miss out on the opportunity to join in with whatever activity the others are doing. Also, I need to lock the door behind the parent and satisfy myself that no-one is able to enter or leave my home without my knowledge.

If you take on this child, best of luck! And tell your friend she's a saint for patiently putting up with this woman.

If she goes without saying anything, what does she do with the child?