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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am bloody annoyed with nanny! Please help!

18 replies

ziopin · 22/01/2009 18:22

I fuming! DD told me today that nanny's granddaugher has been being dropped off at my house when I go to work!

I have never agreed to this! I confronted nanny as she said that yes she is being dropped off at our house, but said she is doing her daugher a favour as shehas just started a new job!

She only works part time, before school and school drop off. Her grandaugher is being dropped off and then she takes my kids to school.

Am I being unreasonable here? She is a great nanny, and I dont really want to lose her. Should I just think ah well it's only for 3/4 of an hour?

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littlestarschildminding · 22/01/2009 18:25

I think that she should have told you....

I would be concerned that if she hasn't told me this then what else hasn't she told me??

But if you like her and still feel able to trust her then I guess it doesn't 'have' to be a problem if its only 45mins.

It really would be the not telling me part that made me really cross!!!!

stroppyknickers · 22/01/2009 18:26

Actually, I would be v p*ssed off but am trying to work out why. Possibly because a) she lied by omission and b) you pay her to take exclusive care of your children.

leonifay · 22/01/2009 18:31

if it were me, on one hand i'd be really annoyed, because i'm paying a nanny not a childminder. you pay extra for exclusitivity. but on the other hand its only 45 mins.
random questions, (as i dont know much about how nannying works, please dont shout me down) does it affect her/your insurance. shes looking after a child you know nothing about. and also, could you ask for reduced rates as this sounds alot like nanny sharing?

nannyL · 22/01/2009 19:24

im so shocked that she didnt even ask you!
Im assuming that if she asked you you might not even mind, BUT the point is that she should have asjed you first and to not ask or mention it is clearly going behind your back / being dishonest

not sure what you can actually do about it, but I agree it is NOT right

maybe you xould say that is she had asked you would have agreed, but she didnt, and you are no longer happy to have the grandaughter at your house, and if you ever find out about it again then written warning?

I really think that she is taking advantage, YOU are the boss and that she needs to be shown that you ARE the bosses

llareggub · 22/01/2009 19:38

Is she likely to resign if you put your foot down?

Millarkie · 22/01/2009 19:48

It's dishonesty - YANBU to be very upset. To be honest if I were in this situation I would start looking for a new nanny (since she does before/after school only it may be difficult to replace her quickly) - but I would want rid of her because I wouldn't be able to stop wondering what else she was doing without telling me.
For what it's worth one of our ex-nannys did something similar - asked if a 'friend's child' could come on a playdate for an afternoon.this turned out to be a regular thing - I only twigged when my children complained that the girl was not a friend of theirs and didn't play well with them..I asked nanny to stop the playdates and she got very cross because she was charging the girl's parents £5 an hour for looking after her!
After we got rid of that particular nanny a number of negative things have come to light about her care. (since dd's speech has got better).

flowerybeanbag · 22/01/2009 19:52

It's a trust thing isn't it? When it actually comes to it, this particular issue of her granddaughter being dropped off might not have been a huge big deal, especially if it's not for long.

But it's so important you trust your nanny and as she went ahead and did this without telling you, that trust has been severely damaged I would imagine regardless of how minor this issue might have been had she raised it with you first.

nannynick · 22/01/2009 20:26

I agree, it's about trust. Why didn't she ask you? If she had, you may have considered it.
What you do now I don't know. Certainly you can tell her it has to stop, or you could come to some arrangement such as drop in salary as its now a nannyshare.
There could be insurance implications, if the child had an accident at your home whos responsibility is that?

nomoreamover · 22/01/2009 20:30

How arrogant of her to assume she could use your house for whatever she pleases! Which in my mind is essentially what she is doing.

I'd be inclined to give a written warning over it - but then I'm mean....

Tiramissu · 22/01/2009 21:15

I agree that it is arrogant to use your house and hour she is paid by you for something else.
I guess if she asked you you would probably agree as it is not the end of the world? But what makes you angry-and you are reasonable to be-is the fact she hasn't ask you.

On the other hand it is not like lying or hiding something because if your children are school age then she knew that they ll tell you, didn;t she???

stroppyknickers · 22/01/2009 21:40

but, just occurred to me that getting my lot ready for school in the morning is a nghtmare. If another child were put in the equation...also what happens in the holidays?

Julesnobrain · 22/01/2009 23:12

Why on earth didn't she ask you? I would ask her that. She seems to be taking you for granted and not appreciating she is paid to take care of your children exclusively. I would ask her how long this is planned to continue and then suggest a reduction in salary of x % would be acceptable to you whilst you share her 'nanny services' with her daughter...

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/01/2009 08:54

seems very weird that she didnt ask you,mention it to you even after it happened the first time and would have been polite if she had asked,as you are her employer

but

on the otherhand she prob didnt think you would mind, the child is only there for 45mins and its not as if it makes your life any diffrent/difficult

but does make you wonder what else she is doing that she doesnt tell you

NewTeacher · 23/01/2009 08:55

Erm cant you take get a discount for that particular hour? You hired her to exclusively look after your children! Now she's bringing someone else into your house be it for 45 mins but that means your kids do not get her UNDIVIDED attention.

Hope you get it sorted.

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/01/2009 09:04

YANBU at all. Do you have a contract with her? If so, does it state in there that she is exclusively looking after your child? If it does, then she is in breach of contract, which is a serious affair.

I would be very angry about this because it would mean that the nanny

a) isn't giving my child 100% of her (paid for) time
b) presumably isn't available to do other things with my child because she has to be on hand for the other child - so if I wanted her to take my child to a class at the gym or to the park or the library (etc) and she couldn't because she was waiting for the other child to be dropped off, what would happen? Would she tell me? Would she say they were going and then not go?

I think you have to talk to her and tell her in no uncertain terms that this is not what you agreed when you employed her.

If you really value her and don't want her to leave, then you should consider how this can be worked into your current agreement.

But the first part of this would be a reduction in how much you pay her for the time that the other child is there, as by definition this is now a nanny share.

If she doesn't understand this, then she isn't a very professional nanny - and you will find a better one somewhere else.

AtheneNoctua · 23/01/2009 10:52

I would be annoyed that she had not asked (not told, but asked) if this was okay. However had she asked, I really wouldn't have minded at all, especially as it is only for 45 minutes.

I think you should consider what her reaction is likely to be bofre you lay down the law. As I recall you have had trouble filling the position in the past, you might want o consider your position should she hand you her resignation. This is not just a nanny share, this is her granddaughter. I don't think many people would side with their part time employers over their own grand child. I just think it's batle you might consider avoiding.

I would however explain to nanny that I expect to be consulted on these things in the future. You might also even go as far as to say you only want let into the house people (including children) whom you actually know.

I'm pretty laid back about house guests. Our nanny has people over all the time. I don't mind. So long as she entertains and cleans up after them, it makes little difference to me.

purplebee · 23/01/2009 11:42

It would have been polite to ask/tell you, but perhaps it would have put her in too difficult a position if you had said no. It's her grandchild after all and her feelings would really have been hurt if you HAD said no so she avoided it. Or perhaps your relationship is so good that it didn't cross her mind that you would mind.

If her heart is in the right place, then you should perhaps mention her family are welcome in your home, but you need to know all goings on from now.

It's NOT the same as a sneaky nanny-share. She is, after all, a mummy too and only trying to help her child.

chloejessmeg · 23/01/2009 13:50

Is it a daily thing? Or is just on the odd occasions when her DD gets stuck. If it is all the time, I would put your foot down. But if it is just the odd occasion, as in, her dd phoning and saying "I am completly stuck, can I bring x round in a min for 45 mins?". Then it was probably innocent and didn't have the time to ask you first.

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