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au pairs (again!) - Sorry, very long

6 replies

PDF · 22/01/2009 13:57

I have a lovely german au pair who the children adore and who is equally very good with the children.

She isn't our first au pair and learning from our mistakes, this one was given a "package" containing amongst other things, house rules, duties and a timetable of how and when those duties should be done. A copy of the timetable is also stuck on the fridge.

Before she started with us several emails were sent back and forth again with details of the job. One of the things is that I need help with housework. She agreed that was fine.

We then had a face to face interview (as she was already here but with a family she wasn't getting on with). Again I ran through a "typical" day and told her what my expectations were. Again no problems.

She started 2 weeks leter (having given her current family 2 weeks notice). From day one she was fantastic with the 3 children

However..... she isn't very good at any thing else. Several times I have had to ask her to make sure that children's washing and ironing is done on time. They have at least 3 of everything but they are still running out of things because even though the time table says "please wash, iron and put children's clothes away" on a Wednesday and Friday it isn't being done. I have spoken to her at least 5 times but this week my middle child didn't have any clothes in his cupboard. They were washed, dried and folded (as I had done it) but the au pair hadn't put them away even though she had nearly 2 hours to do it (the children were at swimming).

I have asked several times for pockets to be checked but we are still getting hair tyes, lip seal, toys etc in the tumble drier becuse she hasn't checked pockets.

She never offers to help makes the evening meal or helps tidy up after. I cook, she comes down, eats puts her plate in the dishwasher and goes back up stairs.

I came home with the food shopping (£160 worth) which meant lots of bags. She sat there and watched me put it all away. Maybe I should have asked her to help but isn't that common sense?

She never puts the recycling out despite being asked to - she leaves it on the side for me to do.

I am starting to get fed up with constantly asking her to do things and them still not being done but am I just being too petty?

One of the house rules is "no over night guests"

This week she asked if her brother could stay here when he is in England. I said no, i don't want men in my home that i don't know. Today she asked if her friend could stay here for the weekend....can I say no again or is that being mean?

She is also supposed to ask the children to do their homework. I asked my children to make sure their homework books were in their school bag today as it has to be handed in today and my middle one told me it wasn't finished as the au pair hadn't asked him to do his homework and they had done baking instead

On a Thursday I need to take my eldest to swimming (for 9am)so the au pair needs to take the younger 2 to school. She should leave at 8.30 to get them there on time. At 8.40 the boys were still not ready. I said "you should have left 10 minutes ago. Please go and get your shoes and coat on" The au pair then asked me if she was taking them. To which i replied, "eermmm yes please as I can't be in 2 places at once!" She didn't look happy.

I know I need to sit her down (again) to discuss things but how many times do I do this? This is her 8th week and we have already had to sit her down 3 times to discuss things.

Do I ignore the fact that she is crap at everything except playing and baking with the children after all the childre are very happy?

Sorry that was a real rant wasn't it

OP posts:
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Tavvy · 22/01/2009 14:40

As somebody who is employed in a private household I get really cross about things like this.
It sounds like you have been fair and clearly stated duties and worked from past experience to make it work better for everybody. I always say I'd rather spend half an hour being made to feel like an idiot and know exactly what was expected of me than spend my entire working life looking like one.
The children are happy and that is important but that is not the only reason you hired her. You didn't hire another child to come for a playdate.
Caring for children involves so much more than playing.
If you ignore everything you will end up resentful and unhappy -not a good environment for you or anybody else.
Can you not give her an official warning this time. Get very firm. You appreciate her work with the children BUT...

Sorry that's my rant Good luck

nomoreamover · 22/01/2009 15:18

Sounds like the only way you can get her to understand her duties is to write everything down for her....is it worth having a daily diary with a list that she will be expected to do cross off each day?

That way if some days she has to take the children to school and not others it can be put down in black and white....you can check the list at the end of each day and make sure she's crossed things off...that way you'll know straight away if the clothes haven't been done rather than finding out when you go to the cupboard to get something.

It sounds time consuming but what other choice do you have? Its either that or send her on her way and try again....

nomoreamover · 22/01/2009 15:18

PS the shopping thing - no doubt as it wasn't on her original list of duties it didn't occur to her to help put it away!!!

Millarkie · 22/01/2009 19:54

How long is she meant to be staying? Is it worth having yet another chat and expecting not much better for a few weeks? If she's meant to be staying for months more I would be tempted to tell her it's her last chance.
Agree with the idea of a tick list pinned on the wall.
And she knew beforehand that you didn't allow overnight guests she shouldn't keep asking! You would not be unreasonable to say 'no' again.

Weegle · 22/01/2009 20:09

Hmm, not good.

I would give her a daily printed sheet each day - so type one up with Monday - list of duties/times etc - with a box to tick. Do same for each day. Give these to her at another sit down and tell her this is the last time you want to be having a talk about expectations - this is her last chance to improve. Sorry but her attitude to meals is appalling - she should be chopping veg, clearing everyone's plates sometimes, helping with clearing up. Again - shopping is for the benefit of all, she should help with unpacking - part of family life. Be firm and make it clear you are really not impressed. She sounds like she doesn't respect you to be honest, but give her one last chance... and if you have a daily tick list then if something's not done then you can show it in black and white. And you can handwrite on it any additional duties for that day.

Simply · 22/01/2009 22:10

I agree with Weegle (and probably all the others but I'm trying to be quick!)

If she doesn't check the pockets then you might have a broken washing machine to contend with any day now. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to pay for any repairs or damage and yet you've asked enough times. That's just one of the problems you've listed.

I'm afraid you need to say that she has the next x days to improve and for that improvement to be consistent or else you're going to let her go. It's horrible when it's not working out, isn't it? It reminds me of my first ap so you're not alone. Good luck!

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