Is it a problem if a nanny's own child is much younger than your own?

[Legacy]

We are thinking of getting a nanny for after school help.

I've had a few responses to some ads, but they have all been from people with a child very much younger than our own boys (who are 9 and 6).

My initial reaction is that I don't think this would work very well for the following reasons:

• our home is no longer set up for toddlers. Our boys like building complex lego models/ playing with marbles/ leaving chess games out mid-game etc, and I can just imagine all this stuff getting destroyed, or being a danger to tinies?

• my kids have homework/ reading/ music practice etc which would need the attention of the nanny, so I can't imagine how she would be able to do this properly, and supervise her own child?

• DH & I work from home (albeit in a sort of annex to the main house) but we can't have little children barging into our office, or too much noise and screaming (which carries through).

Am I just being terribly unrealistic?

How do looked after children cope with a (much younger) child coming into their home wanting to play with all their stuff?

What if they don't get on?

we had a similar situation - my dc were 12,10 and 7 when we took on a nanny with a 2 year old. I recognise the issues you mention but we found that provided it was all discussed up front including with our children, and ground rules set out then it worked well.

Our house was not toddler proofed - the nanny knew and accepted this and had to manage it - which she did well - we had no accidents/breakages etc. She left no nappies in our bin or other toddler traces. We had a potty in the downstairs toilet whilst she was training him but that was the only change.

My children's bedrooms were off limits to him so any complex lego/sylvanian games could be played and left out in the bedrooms and would not be disturbed. If they chose to play them elsewhere in the house, it was at their risk of toddler interference.

I think homework/music practice etc was achieved whilst the nanny's child watched a DVD - I suspect he watched rather more television that Mumsnet would approve of - but we arranged it so that we agreed what the job required and the nanny worked out how to do it without interference from me. Similarly, her child had numerous car journeys to take my children to afterschool activities - but that was part of the job and she organised it.

This all worked for us. Our nanny left last sunmmer to have another baby and the children miss both her and her son so I think it's fair to assume that it worked well enough for them too.

Yes, I hadn't thought that my children might actually enjoy it!!

Ds2 would probably enjoy having a pseudo-younger-sibling....

If a nanny brings her own child, how do account for costs like food etc - is it just assumed that her child's food is part of the deal?

We assumed food was part of the deal - it would have been far too complicated any other way. I think she used to bring snacks and things for him sometimes though because I didn't buy anything special for him - it was just more of what my children were already eating.

We had also agreed a lower rate per hour because she was bringing her child so to then charge her for expenses would seem very petty.

I was happy to pay for his entrance to the cinema etc in the school holidays when she took my children but she nearly always arranged for her mother/sister to take him on those days - she said that she enjoyed the film more without him but as with all the other arrangements - I left the detail to her to sort out.

My pal has two kids, boy and girl, aged 6 and 3 and a nanny with a 6 months baby. My pal reports this is working out delightfully well - the kids love the baby (and the nanny). In fact a bit too well as the kids now keep asking my pal if she will have another baby so they will have another dolly to play with.