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Au pair handover - what not to do :-)

5 replies

Millarkie · 18/01/2009 17:38

Our first (and up to now very helpful and considerate) AP left this week and we (foolishly) arranged an overlap with the next AP who is from the same country. They had been in email contact before AP2 arrived.
We thought (oh so foolishly) that AP1 would show AP2 the ropes of the 'job' and show her around the area, introduce her to other local APs etc..would save me having to take time off work to settle AP2 in.
What actually happened is that AP1 reverted to 'grunting teenager' mode and the two of them sat on the sofa watching music videos and ignoring the children when they got home from school. AP1 decided to 'discipline' dd for something which is not normally a 'crime' in this house (think she was showing off in front of new friend), she did not give dd any warnings, nor did she follow our usual route (countdown and then if still mis-behaving we do time-out on the stairs). AP1 banned dd from using her new toy for 2 days. I don't overrule APs (since I don't want to leave them in a poor situation for the few hours a week where they are sole charge), so dd stopped speaking to AP1, ds had stopped speaking to AP1 earlier in the week and it was like living in strangely quiet but not comfortable world.
AP1 now flown, AP2 is still in 'teenage' mode (general inconsiderate behaviour - leaving her washing in the machine; dirty pots in sink; sticking photos onto her bedroom wall (there is a corkboard to be used, but she used the wall); saying she has arranged a lift home from pub then ringing at 10.30 and asking to be picked up after dh and I have had a beer each at home; turning on the heating and leaving the house minutes later). Dh trying to calm me down and give AP2 a chance but I am feeling very sorry for myself and want to whinge

Reminder to self: Take a week off work and settle the new AP in, in the absence of old AP!!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Weegle · 18/01/2009 17:59

oh dear, not good. Time to damage limitation. Sit new AP down and explain that your hopes for last week didn't happen as you misread the maturity of your previous AP and therefore she hasn't been given a fair start. Explain your house rules thoroughly. Explain your disciplinary approach thoroughly - including why you didn't pick old AP up on. Explain about being part of a whole e.g. not leaving stuff in washing machine, not having you pick her up after social things. Explain about costs to you e.g. heating etc. Say THIS is how you want things done, this is how it was until last week with last one. Apologise the first week might have confused her more. She can't get it right if she's not given the chance and the example she has been shown has been dismal, but if you don't put her right she has no reason not to think it is ok.

Good luck

Millarkie · 18/01/2009 22:18

Thanks Weegle.

Most of the stuff is covered in the AP handbook we have given her so I guess I will go over that again and get a bit more detailed. She has redeemed herself since my first post, she came back from her day out and packed the dishwasher (normally dh's job but he was trying to settle ds). Fingers crossed that this week is better.

OP posts:
Dalex · 23/01/2009 22:02

Millarkie, can you send the AP handbook you mentioned? Am having troubles too

Millarkie · 24/01/2009 22:22

Sorry Dalex - didn't see your post earlier. I'll see if I get time to anonymise it tomorrow. Are you CATable?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 24/01/2009 22:52

Millarkie, I shall count myself warned.

Hope you manage to turn things around next week. Sounds rather out-of-character for AP1 to do that.

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