Any CMs around to tell me how they deal with children with separation anxiety?

[Haylstones]

Ds is nealry 11 months and just started doing one day a week at nursery. WHen I picked him up today I heard a baby crying as I walked upstairs and when I got into the baby room it was my ds . He was sitting in the middle of the floor crying and when I asked why he was crying they said he had been making that noise all day but because there were no tears he wasn't really crying . There were 3 members of staff sitting on the floor round the edges of the room, all of whom were ignoring him (no other children asking them for attention). they said he had been fine if he was being cuddled or playing near a member of staff but as soon as they stood up or walked away he'd cry again. They also said that he kept bum shuffling over to them and getting upset when they stood up As soon as I got there he stopped crying, cuddled in to me and stuck his thumb in.
I know ds does like a lot of contact but he generally isn't overly clingy. They said that they had other children to look after and couldn't concentrate on just him all day- which I fully understand- but this is only his second session there so I would have hoped he'd have got extra cuddles and attention.
Anyway, having talked it over with dh I was wondering if perhaps a childminder might be a better option for ds and would appreciate any input. I do plan to go in and talk to them about it as there are a couple of other issues.
FWIW, ds isn't a PFB and I used the same nursery with dd for 3.5 years. I was just so shocked as I have NEVER heard him making that noise and keep thinking of him being that way all day

How sad for you and your ds. I can't believe that the nursery would behave that way when he is so new to it.

I am a childminder and I have two mindees of similar ages to your ds. When they first started they found it a bit hard to readjust to being in a new setting with new people and more noise than they were used to at home. I would make every effort with them initially, giving cuddles or sitting on the floor when they got upset. For my first day with one of them, I was literally holding him all day. I wanted him to know that I was there to take care of him and would not just let him cry. As the time went on, I would move away a bit at a time. Mindee could see me and I was still in the room but not right there iyswim.

Anyway, within a week it had settled down a lot. And now, a few months on they treat my home as their own! If they want to be near me or with me, or want cuddles they come up and gesture in a way I understand.

Sorry for waffling but HTH and you manage to sort something out for you and ds.

That is really sad. Nurseries are my prefered choice of childcare - but the ome you are using doesn't sound good. Has something changed since your 1st child went there - the staff???

I am not s childminder but just wanted to add that a childminder may not give your child anymore attention than a good nursery - after all a childminder is often on there own and has to be everything to everyone ie cook, cleaner, book -keeper etc. A childminder can have up to 6 children under 8 plus over 8s, at least at nursey there is usually a cook, cleaner etc and the staff's main job is childcare. And the ratio is 1 to 3.

I hope you sort something out.

The nursery should definitely not be leaving him to cry! Sometimes it will be necessary to put a clingy child down briefly if all the staff have immediate things to deal with, but just sitting around letting him get distressed is absolutely not on! It's really not that hard to have him sitting on their laps or playing near them for most of the day.

During my working day, I do not cook (children bring own lunches which may, possibly, need heating), do not clean (that is saved for evenings and weekends, like any other working mum), and I certainly do not do book-keeping (or any other similar paperwork).

I am paid to care for children, and that is exactly what I do all day. I have been known to sit down occasionally.

As far as I am concerned, an unhappy baby or child will be given as many cuddles as they want. I am more than capable of caring for other children with (at least) one on my lap or being held in my arms.

I totally disagree with leaving children to cry in the circumstances op has described, something I believe that all good nurseries and good childminders will agree with.

Amen, the Prisoner.

That does not sound like a nursery I would use. Someone should have gone to him and given him cuddles. Having sat in a baby room, my observation is that once the babies are settled in, they generally just get on with it. It is the ones who are new or settling in who can be wobbly and the staff's time is pretty concentrated on catering for those babies. If your ds is having separation anxiety, he deserves the attention.

I think your better bet is to change nurseries to a better one - more hands make light work. Provided staff are motivated and committed to the children. The only issue with CMs is that it is only one person dealing with a few children. The Prisoner, much as you have always stuck in my memory as an excellent CM, too often, I read threads where CMs say children should be able to entertain themselves, and they cannot cope if one child monopolises their attention. Which makes me think CMs are not the best fit for velcro children.

Velcro children?? Now there's an idea ... I could attach children all over my clothes, leaving my hands free to get on with my chores!!

Unfortunatly from my experience, this does happen quite a bit in nurseries (although not all obviously).

As a childminder, if I had a child that young settling in, they would have as many cuddles etc as they wanted, except when it is necessary to deal with another child. Eg when doing an activity, I would let him sit on my lap etc and still help the other mindees. But if I was needed for something else quickly, like changing another babies nappy or helping a child go to the loo or whatever, he might have to sit on his own for a min while I quickly did that, but would talk to him at the same time as doing it and do as much as I could to keep all the children happy. I certainly wouldn't be sitting there, while nobody needed my attention particually, while a child was crying like that .

Sorry to say it but situations like this is what made me leave nursery nursing and become a childminder. But as I say, other people have said there are good nurseries out there so it can't be all of them.

But I wouldn't be happy with this at all and wouldn't want my child going there. Have you got family who can look after him while you find alternative care?

I'm sure there are better nurseries, but my experience of a CM settling in my ds at 10 months was very positive - he did cry initially when left but obviously got, and still gets, lots of cuddles from her and her husband. He stopped crying when I left after 3 days there, and I'm sure he wasn't left to cry. She does have other mindees but there was only one other full time so during school hours DS could get a lot of attention, especially as the CN isn't alone with the kids all day most days (her DH often and several nearly grown up teenagers).

Thanks for all of this. The nursery was excellent with dd and she is 5 so I guess the staff have changed. I well up thinking about hearing him yesterday.
I need to have a think about what to do. I don't know whether I should give them another chance because dd did so well there for 4 years.
Yesterday I had to sign an accident form because a member of staff dropped a toy on his head and they also gave him apple juice when I'd said only water so I need to address them as well.
Thanks for the advice