Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

dirty cups and plates question

15 replies

kittywise · 09/01/2009 08:09

ok, I have a thai au pair. Things are sort of jogging along. I have managed to iron out some issues.
She is 25 but in many ways like a teenager.

She has shown supreme irresp onsibility though, like giving my 2 and 5 year old ascorbic acid tablets, eating some of my dp's cooked breakfast, as it was on the side waiting for him to eat it as it is every morning.
I don't think she has ever had to take any responsibility within the home before. But as long as she is willing to learn I can put up with it.
One thing that is starting to annoy me is how she leaves her cups all over the place and when she has finished eating she doesn't wash up her bowls, just leaves it by the sink for someone else to clean.

Now, am I supposed to be cleaning up after her? She is supposed to be easing my workload is she not?

I want to ask her to wash out her bowls and at least put her dirty stuff in the dishwasher.

What happens everywhere else?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BonsoirAnna · 09/01/2009 08:12

Is she used to living in a household with one or more full-time domestic servants? Have you asked her about this?

moondog · 09/01/2009 08:19

Oh i couldn't be doing with this at all. Just tell her not to.

backalleysally · 09/01/2009 08:19

Why dont you just explain to her that it is expected that she clean/ tidy up after herself ie. putting pots in dishwasher after use.
What role does she have in your home?

I'm not sure I'd be happy with an 'irresponsible teenager' looking after my young children though.

moondog · 09/01/2009 08:20

It amazes me that anyone does this actually.It is number one thing that drives me insane in our office.Jesus, how bloody hard is it to wash a cup and teaspoon? How is leaving them filled with water achieving anything?

Original poster

kittywise · 09/01/2009 08:28

Yes, thanks, words will be had (AGAIN)[angry}

OP posts:

PaulaatMummyKnowsBest · 09/01/2009 11:25

the only time why au apir doesn't put her things in the dishwasher is when it's on.

Otherwise, everything she uses goes straight in.

I expect my children (10, 8 and 4) to put their dirty stuff in the dishwasher and tidy up after themselves - why should the au pair be any different? If they want to stay, they have to pull their weight.

Ingles2 · 09/01/2009 11:30

kitty this isn't going to work is it?... Why don't you have a look around for a replacement?
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but ime you can't completely change them so they have loads of common sense. they either do or the don't. And you can never rebuild the trust.
Believe me, I've tried.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2009 12:31

have you acually told her to put things in dw?

many people db's leave cups/plates etc by dw and i just asked told him to put them in

if 3 and 5yr can, so can a 36yr old

Original poster

kittywise · 09/01/2009 12:37

ingels, she is really starting to annoy me.

I have put huge signs on the washing machines and driers saying LEASE DO NOT PUT X, Y AND Z IN HERE etc. Today i find all the wrong thigs put in the drier.

Luckily it was not turned on.

I have not actually asked her to do the washing just put clean clothes away.

She has been here 2 weeks, it feels like a hell of a lot longer though.
In that time she has not once hoovered her room or empitied her bin .which is overflowing(yuk).
I had to ask her a couple of days ago to bring out all the dirty cups and plates from her room before she left for college.

Oh I am so going to ask her what sort of domestic help she has a home.

She says she has a little english language school at home which she owns.I commented on how she could afford to open this and she said
"Oh it was not expensive, only £1000 equivalent of baht!!" Well I should imagine that there would be many Thai people who would think that £1000 worth of baht was an awful lot!
She told me that I should go to Thailand as everything is so very cheap!

As a person she is basically kind and nice, but I think very ignorant of a lot of the world.

I suspect that many au pairs are from rather indulgent families and are not used to working

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2009 12:41

if she has only been there 2 weeks,think you need to sit down and have a chat about things

maybe write a list of things that she needs to do - and not what to do - boring but ti might work

Ingles2 · 09/01/2009 13:21

Kitty has already had a chat blondes.This is 2nd thread in 2 weeks.
I'm sure she is lovely, all of my ap's (bar 1) have been lovely, but some are suited to it, and some not.
I would be looking for another....seriously.

Original poster

kittywise · 09/01/2009 13:34

ingels is right.
Blondes,. I have re written her to do list and have put times down( a good piece of advice from another thread) so that she doesn't eek everything out.

it's just she is so...... immature in many ways. She does things that it would never have occurred to me to tell her NOT to do as I wouldn't have thought anyone her age would do in the first place!!!!!!
Like give small kids handfuls of vitamins like they were sweets, eat someone else's breakfast, not dress kids up warmly to go outside, but dress herself up warmly, put my knickers in dd1's(7) knicker basket. The list goes on.
Each time I have a word and it tends not to happen again, but there is always something really stupid that I have to talk to her about.

AND she is so frigging slow.

but she is not a nasty person!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2009 13:45

oh - havent seen that thread - sorry

then agree with ingles and get rid of her

BonsoirAnna · 09/01/2009 16:24

Please ask her what domestic help she has at home. It may well shed light on what she does and doesn't know about domestically.

People who have always lived in homes where there is a lot of domestic help generally have no clue whatsoever about what domestic chores are or how they get done. And they cannot be trained overnight with a list after a friendly chat, however lovely they may be as people in other ways.

Weegle · 09/01/2009 17:21

I angree with Ingles, I think it's going to be like trying to get water to flow uphill. And from the sounds of it she isn't used to pulling her own weight within her home, let alone being an additional responsible adult and therefore taking on MORE of the housework than others.

It is a simple thing not leaving cups and plates around, it shouldn't NEED to be said.

And I don't know that I agree that most AP's come from wealthier backgrounds. The 3 I've had have all come from average backgrounds - I guess the equivalent of lower middle class but maybe that's me subconsciously filtering out those who list riding and skiing as their hobbies . They've all had to do part time work at some point (again a conscious decision on my part). Even Nightmare-AP didn't expect life handed to her on a plate. And if my AP left dirty crockery around the house they would pretty sharpish be told otherwise. But given one of their chores is daily loading/unloading of the dishwasher it's their responsibility anyway.

Think you need real firm words - explain culturally there's obviously a problem and a massive gap in expectations. Give her another chance to improve if you want to, but be firm. You life should be easier with an AP - that's the whole point.

Flip