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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Our AP returns from her Christmas holiday tomorrow and...

17 replies

makemineagecko · 05/01/2009 22:43

I'm dreading it!

I know that sounds awful, but it has been so lovely having the house to ourselves for the past 3 weeks. I've so enjoyed being off work and spending time with my children alone, not having to sort out silly squabbles between dd1 and the AP. Not hearing daily tales about 'how awful' my dd1 is. No complaining that the buggy is so heavy and rubbish to push.

Oh, and the house has been clean the whole time! Nobody making a ruddy mess and not tidying after themselves. Not finding the bath with a ring around it and somebody else's shaved body hair on the bottom. Not cooking for somebody only to have them turn up their nose and scrape it into the dog's bowl. No loud Skype calls from the next door bedroom at 1am. Heating at regular, rather than sauna-like temeratures. Nobody ignoring me when I say good morning, or huffing when I ask a simple question.

Gosh, I really don't enjoy having an AP! I need one for the time being unfortunaely, and try my best to smile at her all the time, encourage her, make her welcome, offer her all she needs to be comfortable and part of our family- but it seems to be a one way street, and very tiresome.

Anybody else enjoy it when they DON'T have an AP?

OP posts:

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HarrietTheSpy · 06/01/2009 01:09

I HAVE to recruit someone to help us with the school run and I couldn't live like this. Don't know how you stand it. Have been fine tuning my Gumtree ad to see if we get one better with candidates already in the UK rather than someone from an internet site like APW. Where did you find yours and how long is she staying.

mummalish · 06/01/2009 07:08

makemineagecko, ever thought that your AP dreads seeing you too? Maybe she is dreading coming back to work, for all her own reasons, and she is saying similar things to her family?

She is coming back to work for you because she clearly needs to, just as you need her. Pity you can't get on. Maybe its time to have someone you like.

If you really cant stand having an AP, just hire someone for the hours you need, then you dont need to have someone sulky and messy in your home.

happynewyeartoall · 06/01/2009 08:01

Maybe you have the wrong aupair because it really doesn't have to be like this. I am not mad keen on having someone but have had 3 great girls who are kind and considerate. Part of their job is to keep the house tidy therefore I have never had to clear up after them and whilst I cannot deny that it is nice when they are not there, none of them have impacted much on our day to day lives.

Weegle · 06/01/2009 08:32

I think you don't like THAT AP rather than AP's in general. One like that would be out of my door ASAP!

I wasn't "dreading" our AP coming back but I wasn't looking forward to it either. But I know I need her and there's nothing fundamentally "wrong" with this one just a few niggles and me grieving and therefore craving my own space. But regardless of that it is wrong to compare the Christmas period with what it would be like normally without an AP - DH was around a lot, we were away twice etc etc. It IS hard when you have one you don't get on with, but if things were as dire as you say in your OP I wouldn't have stuck with it.

Can you use alternative childcare, like a local childcare student etc until you can replace the AP? Chances are if she's behaving like that she's not happy either.

Original poster

makemineagecko · 06/01/2009 09:16

Thanks for the comments- I just needed to get out how I'm feeling, I don't expect solutions.

Clearly she doesn't like me either, mummylish, I realised this 3 months ago!

Anyway, it's only for 6 months, then I can be finished with APs for good- I was just a bit upset last night when I wrote the AP.

For what it's worth, she has told me that she doesn't get along with her own mother, because she doesn't like following rules. She just wants her own apartment to live by her own rules.

By the way, she respects and listens to my husband- it's just me!

OP posts:

Weegle · 06/01/2009 10:34

You poor thing - what a bloody nightmare. I'd start a calendar and count down the days but I certainly wouldn't stand for her having issues with any of the kids, maybe your DH can have words with her about that?

BonsoirAnna · 06/01/2009 10:37

Bloody hell, your AP sounds a nightmare. Glad it isn't for much longer.

cupofteaplease · 06/01/2009 20:48

Well, she's back! Strangely, she appears to have had a personality transplant- she has been very enthusiastic, smiley and gave dd1 bags of cuddles. What a difference a holiday makes- let's hope it lasts!

Weegle · 07/01/2009 07:20

ah - I sometimes wonder if they have some time to think and some perspective and friends to talk to and realise that actually they have a pretty good deal! Fingers crossed, it lasts but what a pleasant surprise!

cupofteaplease · 07/01/2009 14:04

The personality change has been explained! She is leaving us.

She has been very mature about it. She said she is unhappy here, as she is homesick, and she is taking her unhappiness out on the children. She admitted that she often gets unreasonably frustrated with them and she doesn't want to be like that.

So, she has said she will stay until we have found an alternative solution, but that she'd like to be gone by the 1st Feb, sooner is possible.

Strangely, I feel a bit sad Poor girl being homesick and offering to stay with us anyway...

So back to the childcare drawing board!

SimpleAsABC · 07/01/2009 14:29

Ahhhhh oh well, these things happen. I left my last nanny job pretty swiftly after 6 months as I was not enjoying it at all.

Difficult at the time but much better in the long run.

Simply · 07/01/2009 19:27

Sorry to hear that but you are better off looking for a new one and not having to put up with that sort of behaviour from your current one. Good luck with the process of finding another ap.

cupofteaplease · 07/01/2009 19:28

Thanks, any advice on finding a new one?!

cupofteaplease · 07/01/2009 19:30

Sorry, I just realised I had namechanged halfway through this message! Whoops! Anyway, I am/was the OP

CoffeeAndCarrotCake · 07/01/2009 23:39

I know how you feel - my dream AP morphed into a pretty miserable face around the house, and the nursery told me that, during her last week with us, every time she went to collect DD, DD would cry and run back to the nursery!

We've got a new AP arriving in the beginning of feb (found her on aupair world.net, which seems to be great resource) and she seems great, but I'm not looking forward to sharing my family and my space again. Well, it's only till I win the lottery and become a lady of leisure.....

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/01/2009 14:51

cupoftea- why do you have to have an ap for next/only 6mths?

i am glad she is leaving as you were both unhappy,and although hassle to find a new one, you dont want someone in your house who is not happy/doesnt love the children

hope you sort out childcare

hoteljunkie · 09/01/2009 20:38

Hi cup of tea. we were in pretty much the exact same situation. our au pair who started in sept was grumpy,monosyllabic and generally rude. we convinced ourselves we could continue with her until july when she was due to leave but she beat us to it and wanted to leave in early feb. she wanted come back after the xmas holiodays so she could find her next family!! we said that there was no need for her to return-nicely.

apparently she is back in birmingham and on au-pair world looking for someone else. i wish i could warn the future family...

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