CM Club: My relationship falling apart - advise me on giving notice.

[OneDS]

I am planning on leaving DP, we have lots of issues going on and basically I am vey unhappy. See my relationship threadhere for more info.

My contracts state 4 weeks notice. Are there any circumstances where I don't have to honour this. For example if I tell DP my plans to leave and he asks me to go straightaway I will have to go to my mums in another area.

I am planning on private renting and will not be cm'ing when it's just ds and me as i will be too much. Any advice appreciated.

Hi OneDS

I seperated from my hubby two months ago and just wanted to offer my support.

I realise you feel you have an obligation to your parents but I would say this is extreme circumstances and if you are honest with them, they would be hard pushed to try and take any legal action against you for not honouring your 4 weeks.

You could soften the blow for them by contacting your local network coordinator, telling her your circumstances and she could assist the parents in finding alternative childcare.

If you were able to work that notice period though, it would give you time to get some money together, pack up and allow your DS time to get used to the idea.

Don't give up on the idea of childminding when you become a lone parent. However daunting it may seem, it will give you a focus, help you stay in touch with the world and make new friends - childminding assocations are fab (IME) for emotional support at times like these.
I have 4 young DC and manage fine childminding 27 hours a week, meaning I am still eligable for full working family and child tax credit to top up my income.

I wish you all the best.

Oh and even if he asks you to leave straight away, you don't have to.

Yes I would much rather work mynotice period as I need to pay off a £200 income tax bill by the end of the month, find a deposit, pay my household bills here, . . . argh.

I am hoing DP will accept my decision and we can remain amicable but you never know do you so I am trying to think of all angles.

I would stay and cm if he asked me to leave as the atmosphere in the house would be awful.

Grr pressed post by accident.

I take my hat off to you with 4 dcs and cm'ing! How do you cope?

DS will be my focus, he needs a lot of support and will be really thrown by this huge change. His autism means he abhors change and is anxious at the best of times. He will need me and I know it wouldn't be fair to cm and try and meet his needs.

Dont know if I can help but Ive just read your thread and am so sorry for you (big hugs). Ive been through divorce with 2 DC at the time. Its not very nice but you feel stronger with each issue thats dealt with.

With regards to CM, I would have a word with the parents directly and ask if it would be ok to finish early. Im sure they will be understanding. You could perhaps point them in the direction of other childminders in your area.

Good luck with everything, you will be a better person for all of this

Thanks for the virtual hug CoolJ it's most appreciated, if it were a RL one I would be bursting into tears so trying to avoid those!

I just don't know how to time it all - best case scenario for me would be tell DP, give parents 4 weeks notice, work the 4 weeks notice and have a house ready to move into at the end of then. Things rarely work out how you want them to tho.

In answer to your question OneDS, I don't know how I have coped - my DH leaving has been only one out of 4 horrendous experiences that happened to me last year but COOLiciclepuddleonthefloor has just pointed out, you do get stronger with each issue that you have to deal with.

You will amaze yourself as once you are free from your Hubby, a whole new world opens up to you. I lived in misery with my DH for many years and had no clue as to the energy it sapped from me. I am truely a new woman.

Good luck

Brazenhussy sounds like you have had a rough timeof it, lets hope 2009 brings us more happiness .

I do think things happen for a reason, and I know I will come through this eventually.

How are things? Hang in there, let's hope that he is willing to help you out with the 4 week notice but as everyone said these are very difficult circumstances and I would be surprised if someone gave you a difficult time over it. Thinking of you and ds x

Thanks crace, Im holding up okay, seem to sway from yes I'll be ok, to am I doing the right thing, will I miss us not living together, god he is driving me mad, etc.

Think we may have 'the talk' tomorrow, have written out notice letters to give to mindee's mums on Monday - they are all single mums so I am hoping they will be understanding.

You have to do what's best for you and ds, and I admire you for coming to a decision. You will no doubt be wobbly.. but as a once single mum myself you will rise to the challenge. Being on my own, and free from a controlling abusive relationship was one of the most liberating experiences. I got to know a lot about myself - that I could handle bills and working and arranging childcare. I truly needed no one and that has done wonders for my self confidence. When DH came around 2 years later, he was a welcome addition and although it's nice to have him around, I don't NEED him in that way I was with my horrid relationship. As brazenhussy says you will find an energy, and self confidence that you never thought you could have.

Be strong, whether it's staying or going, be true to yourself and you will come out better for it.

Eek, sermon over, sorry

Dont crace, I appreciate everyone posting and being supportive and encouraging, it really helps.

If it weren't for MN I would probably have gone back to pretending I was happy.

Be thinking of you tomorrow

Good luck today One DS. will be sending you positive vibs

Just to offer you a metophorical supportive hug, sounds like he is the one with issues he cant face and is blaming you, you sound lovely and a strong person, dont let him undermind you.
If he is always picking faults with you its because thats easier for him to do than holding up a mirror and looking at his own... good luck.. love and hugs