CM Club - ever had mindee who screams when you leave the room but doesn't at home????

[LOONEYsingingachristmasTUNEy]

No time to go into great detail so will have to come back but basically I have a mindee whose just turned 1 and since she started back with me (after ML), we've had problems on and off. She's been with me since 8 weeks old and whilst I was on my 12 weeks maternity leave, she developed the highest pitched scream I've ever ever heard, it deafens you for a moment it's that high pitched (and many people have commented on it). I posted about problems when she came back and we've overcome most of them but my latest problem is the 'clingy' phase they all tend to go through. If I walk away from where she is she does it, I've been here before so nothing new BUT.....she's not like this at home???? I just don't understand and her mum can't understand why she's ok at home but not here.

We also have nap problems but I know her mum DOES have these. She sometimes takes her for a walk in the pram or a drive in the car to get her off to sleep but I can't do that when she's with me. Monday it was so bad, no-one slept. My baby would fall asleep but as soon as I went to take him upstairs, she'd scream like she does and he'd wake up startled and cry so he got no sleep on Monday daytime. Today I asked dh (thank god he's off) to take ds2 to bed whilst I held mindee as otherwise she'd cry and wake him up again. I gave up trying to give mindee a nap today as otherwise other mindee wouldn't have been able to sleep. But what do I do in the long term?

I know I've gone off on one now . My main question is about the clingyness purely as I've never had it where they are fine at home but totally the opposite here. BTW, she's fine playing here, very happy and giggly etc, it's only when I walk away this all starts?????

HELP!!!!

Do you think it might be linked to your ML? ie> you "went away" for a little while and mummy never has so she is worried about that?

Just clutching at straws TBH though, didn't want you to go unanswered. x

I just wanted to say that I'm looking into childminding as an option and I'm really pleased that you care so much about a mindee's problem like this.

I have no suggestion whatsoever (as my DD does the same thing). We ignore her but it doesn't REALLY help - just makes us think we're doing something to tackle the problem.

Good luck!

I know it's not ideal but for the naps can you put other babies in the bedroom to sleep, and push clingy baby back and forth in a pushchair to get her to sleep, and then put her in a quiet room (in pushchair pramto nap). I know it's not ideal but then other babies not disturbed and if she has even a little sleep then that will give you a little break. If mum puts baby in car seat or pram sometimes I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

I have had this crying when walking away from, them, or out of a room too, I think you just have to keep repeating the phrase 'this too shall pass' . I know it is 'very' stressful though, especially when it's such a piercing cry. Is this mindee FT?

HI! I TOTALLY SYMPATHISE WITH YOUR DILEMMA,I HAVE BEEN CHILDMINDING FOR 9 YEARS AND HAVE COME ACCROSS EVERY POSSIBLE PERSONALITY IN ALL AGE GROUPS.YOUR VERY SMART CHILD HAS FOUND YOUR WEAK SPOT,AND OH BOY SHE WILL USE IT TO THE FULL.AND SHE IS WINNING EVERYTIME TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
SHE IS HAVING TO COMPETE WITH YOUR OWN CHILD,BE FIRM AND KEEP REPEATING WHAT IS HAPPENING.IF ITS NAP TIME TELL HER EVERYSTEP OF THE WAY WHAT IS HAPPENING,CHILDREN OF ALL AGES UNDERSTAND ROUTINE.JUST KEEP UP WHAT YOU ARE STARTING AND IF SHE IS DISTURBING YOUR OWN CHILD,IGNORE HER SHE WILL THEN SEE THAT ITS NOT WORKING.
REMEMBER YOUR HOME YOUR RULES.

my 1yr old is the same crys if you even stand up but its getting better now he can walk as he moves more freely. from our kitchen i have full veiw of the playroom so children can see me prepare lunch and now (touch wood) he lets me go into the kichen to make lunch (dont really like them in the kitchen with me) and sometimes if i'm lucky i can run to the toilet in peace

Absolutely shocked at your response Linsaydoubtfire!

I'm ONLY a parent and even I know that this is classic behaviour relating to attachment theory. The child formed an attachment to the cm. As far as the child is concerned the cm then just disappeared from her life; shaking the trust she placed in them. So when the cm leaves now she is no longer totally sure if or when the cm will return.

Routine may help children but an EIGHT WEEK gap in caring for a child is not routine and she now needs to regain trust in the carer. Ignoring her will only prove that she is right not to place her trust in the cm because the cm is not responsive to her needs. Your house, your rules maybe; but I would not allow you to care for my child in that way.

Linsaydoubtfire, you don't know what you're talking about, that baby needs reassurance.

OP I had this with my son at my childminders, and it got worse after a four week break

What really helped was letting him take the odd toy in from home, my cm giving him something to hold or look after when she left the room, and lots of cuddles from her. It passed after a while, I think it lasted a couple of months though.

Sorry to upset so many,but what age group are we discussing here?.is it a baby,thought we were discussing older child. i also understand that child has been away for so long,i always kept in contact with children so their was not this prob.I am referring to the screaming prob maybe never put it down very well,but if the child is screaming at your home and not the mothers then you either address it yourself,by ignoring the "screaming" not the child.

Linsay it's a baby who's just turned 1.

As previous posters have said, it does sound like an attachment issue related to your maternity leave - has it got better as mindee has settled in again Looney?

It's quite a common thing, I have been childminding 23 years and have a 13 month old at the moment doing the same.

She hands over to me fine, comes to me for cuddles and feels safe and trusts me, she has also learned that mum gives her to me, and mum comes back. She is feeling safe and secure with me, but, if I leave the room for any reason, I, the person she has learned to trust and be there for her, is out of sight and it is a mld panic. She cannot understand yet, I will always come back.

It is a very natural part of growing up, some babies suffer separation anxiety more than others, it might take a while for it to surface, or maybe not at all.

If I leave the room, I sing to her, calling her name, to reassure her, that though she can't see me, I am still here.

babies learned to transfer trust to one or two specific people, and those are their mainstay, she will learn.

I know what you mean about the high pitched scream, my one did it, it was ear piercing, she would do it in the car if she couldn't see me, or if i got out to let the others off for school. I have known her since she was sbsorn and still have her older sister who is 6, but she is term time only and the christmas break was a killer!

It will pass, promise!