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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

men in day nurseries

24 replies

nurserynurse · 23/12/2008 23:29

ok this is a old chestnut, but as a male Nursery nuser of nine years, im curious of you moms point of view on men in childcare, as a male nursery nurse ive been round the block so to speak, day nursery / playgroup /run a creche, hospital ward work / neonatal unit work etc etc, ive never had problems, with mom giving me grief, i love working with babies, babies is my thing, i love working with them, its such a great job, working with preature babies was took me out of my comfort zone, but what a job to have i was so lucky, and i would do it ago tomorrow, but i want to go back into day nursery work, but i worried about bitchie managers and staff, been there got the T.shirt, no dis respect but females in day care are so nasty, most of the females i've worked withhave been great , but you always get hat odd one, so as moms, which im not could you thorw any advice my way, have you had any bad vibes with your day nursery or staff, would be interested in all your views, so start using that keyboard, and keep me busy reading them, oh last point hope you dont mind a male in the mists, im only hear to get it from a moms point of view, so dont worry, im not hear to create issues i leave that for another web site lol, thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 23/12/2008 23:32

Wow! No experience of nurseries at all, but Wow!

TheOldestCat · 23/12/2008 23:43

OP, sounds like you've had an interesting and rewarding career.

You might be better off asking other nursery workers about their experiences of men working in nurseries so you can gauge some attitudes.

But you asked for mums... At DD's nursery there are two men, one in her room, and I don't think of them as any different from the women. DD LOVES her male carer as she plays football with him and 'does running'. She talks about him a lot at home and runs to him for a cuddle in the morning. He's a great carer - that's how I think of him, not 'the bloke among the women'. Does that make sense?

Good luck with wherever you go next.

TheOldestCat · 23/12/2008 23:44

Meant to say, it's probably worth posting this in the nurseries section for more responses.

HSMM · 24/12/2008 08:00

Some nurseries are becoming enlightened about the positive impact of having a male member of staff. It is good for the children and should be encouraged. (but yes, women are a tricky bunch to work with)

compo · 24/12/2008 08:05

we have got a male nursery workeer in dd's nursery too
haven't seen any problems

but with your experience I'm surprised you want to go back into that setting?
why not run a playgroup again or a creche?

blueshoes · 24/12/2008 08:10

nurserynurse, I salute you for working as a sole male in an all female environment, the rose among thorns as it were. I don't know about bitchy women nursery workers, as I am a parent who uses nurseries.

There is a male nursery worker in my dcs' nursery who has been there for a few years' now. He is treated like everyone else and seems to be getting along nicely with all the female carers. He is currently in the group for older children but will be rotated amongst the rooms, including baby room, for experience and career development soon.

I think different nurseries have different cultures, as in all workplaces. Whilst you cannot avoid a few odd bitchy people, the main thing is to find a nursery which is generally collegiate in atmosphere and treat the children and staff well.

I wish you all the best.

nannynick · 24/12/2008 09:15

I'm a male nursery nurse, so can't give a moms (or even mums) view on men in childcare.
Like you, I specialise in baby care - when I temped in nurseries I would state a preference for doing baby units and would often get that work. Babies are far less picky than 4-year-olds about who cares for them!

oh last point hope you dont mind a male in the mists

Don't worry about that. This lot have had a few males in their mist for several years now - including me

snickersnack · 24/12/2008 09:31

There are nasty women in most working environments, I reckon. Not sure it's specific to nurseries.

dd's nursery had a male teacher working with the older children. I thought it was great - he was marvellous, and everyone loved him.

silentnightplease · 24/12/2008 09:52

FWIW, I wouldn't be bothered either way - as long as I know my children are being well cared for, I would be more than happy to see a male nursery nurse. In fact, I think it's a shame there aren't more people like you and nannynick.
I'm not sure why people would be funny about it - there are plenty of male teachers and nobody minds that AFAIK.

sunnygirl1412 · 24/12/2008 09:56

I think it's great to have men working in childcare/Early Years/Primary school. It's a very female dominated field, and some children can get to senior school without ever having had a male teacher.

Men bring a different dynamic to childcare and teaching and this can only be good. I remember ds2's male aussie teacher taking them all across to the park to play in the snow one day (we'd had the first snow he'd ever seen, and it was really deep too) - they had a wonderful time.

I have also worked in environments that are all-female/majority-female, and they can be intensely bitchy - I suffered from their bitchiness myself, so it's not necessarily the fact that you are a lone male amongst the women that's causing it, it could be that you aren't in the 'group' yet.

It's not nice - I know that - but all you can do is be your normal friendly self and wait for them to get over it. Don't join in with the bitching.

Reallytired · 24/12/2008 10:03

I think its fanastic to have men in nurseries and primary schools or any of the other environments you mention. I wish there were more men in the caring/ childcare/ infant teaching professions.

I have never had the misfortunate to work in an all female environment. If any of your female collegues do give you grief then they should remember that the sex discrimination act protects men as well as women.

FairyMum · 24/12/2008 10:12

There are 3 men in the nursery we use and I think its great and one of the criterias I had on my list when selecting a nursery for my dc.

MerrySquiffness · 24/12/2008 11:15

I would love to see more men in both early years and in primary school settings. The nursery we use had a great chap who the parents thoroughly approved of. I currently have a male AP who is easily the best AP I have ever had - he has a totally different way of working to either myself or my live-out nanny, but both the nanny and I agree that it works pretty well, with both DS and DD. I cannot imagine any mum not wanting to see more men involved in their kids upbringing - it just seems so much healthier to have a mix.

blueshoes · 24/12/2008 11:20

Hello, squiffy. Just curious, in what way is a male aupair different?

Flibbertyjibbet · 24/12/2008 11:21

Our nursery had a lovely young man working there for 9 months or so last year. He was fab. All the children loved him, the staff loved him, the manager said if she could find another 5 like him...

A couple of the other mothers said to me 'do you think its wierd a man being a nursery nurse'... I think they are wierd for thinking its wierd!

MerrySquiffness · 24/12/2008 12:06

Hey Blueshoes.

Biggest difference is bedtime routine. Both Laura (nanny) and I have a routine that involves quiet play after tea, then bath, story, bed etc. Rafa the AP has them 'dictating' the tea (pretends to add chocolate to pasta sauces, pretends to pick worms from garden to make spaghetti, etc), then he chases them round the house for at least an hour after tea, playing hide and seek, hallway footie, etc, then he does a whole 'catch them and throw them in the bath' routine which has the whole bathroom drenched, before trying to put DD's nightie on DS and DS's jimjams on DD, etc etc. It has them in fits of laughter almost non-stop but miraculously because he has had them racign around they do fall asleep in sconds. If I tried it they would no doubt vomit up their tea and get too hyper to settle down.

Other stuff that is different is that Rafa seems to 'get' the whole big brother thing - even on days off he will help out and offer to come along to supermarket and stuff. He still does his own thing, but if he is not busy then he just 'joins in', regardless of the activity - if I'm in the kitchen he will just pick up a potato peeler while he is chattign and start preparing veg. I suspect it is a combination of him coming from a two-career home himself, naturally being quite gregarious and - probably the biggest difference - he is really comfortable in his own skin - very confident and not immersed in the usual girly stuff of relationships and dreaming of being the next X-factor winner, that kind of thing. He is the first AP I have had who is more focused on 'living' a life than dreaming of some kind of idealised life they might be living in some parallel universe (who was the Mnetter whose AP drew interior designs for rockets??....)

Sidge · 24/12/2008 12:14

As a parent whose daughter goes to a nursery with a male nursery nurse, I have no problem with it at all. I see it as a positive factor and wish more males worked in childcare.

I think bitchiness is par for the course in any job where women are the majority (sweeping generalisation I know but IME as a nurse largely true).

Squiffy - your AP sounds fantastic!

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 24/12/2008 12:15

Gosh Merry he sounds fab, lucky you

We have a male worker at dd's nursery and I think its great, it would be nice if more men pursued work in early years settings, its good for the kids to see caring as something men as well as women can do.

blueshoes · 24/12/2008 18:07

Squiffy, Rafa sounds like a dream aupair. I see what you mean about the revving up rather than winding down style for bedtime. My dh is like that and gets the dcs so overexcited they are just buzzing. But it somehow works out in the end. Sounds like he has lots of rapport and laughs with your dcs. Love the relaxed joining in and the being comfortable in his own skin. How old is he?

MerrySquiffness · 26/12/2008 09:02

He's 24, although I think TBH he would have been the same at 20 - he has 18 younger cousins in a very close family (he himself has 4 brothers)so is 100% happy in looking after kids. And I think because he struggled to get an AP job he appreciates it a bit more/makes more effort. I suspect that he might at some point leave to move to London (he has friends there) so I know it won't last but it is so nice at the moment. I think it's the first time the benefits of having an AP have massively beaten the downsides....

blueshoes · 27/12/2008 19:43

Very glad for you, squiffy. Long may he stay.

PAPERFREEK · 29/12/2008 21:52

A male carer in a play group setting was the first person to ever get my son to leave my side. I have kept in touch with him over the years and he eventually went into childminding and then back to running a before and after school club at a local school. As someone who knew this male worker from a mother and a childminder's point of view I would say MORE MEN PLEASE IN THE JOB.

PeaceNLove · 30/12/2008 10:29

I personally think its great to have a male carer in childcare.
I think I would be hesitant if say it was a single male as a childminder in their own home, but in a nursery/Playgroup setting etc think its fantastic.

Lots of children in society will miss out on the 'male role model' figure and children, especially girls, love male childcare workers, ive worked with older children in after school clubs and holiday playschemes etc and the girls absolutley love the guy workers and look to them as a big brother/father figure, i say keep up the great work, brush of any negativity as just ignorance and keep doing what you do best

BouncingTurtle · 30/12/2008 12:47

I think it is a real pity that my nursery doesn't have any male nursery nurses, it would make what I think is an excellent nursery complete!
I think men play with kids in a different way to women and I think this is a good thing; that they learn interaction with adults of both sexes other than their parents. I think the only male role model ds sees on a regular basis is his Dad!
So best of luck finding a position, you sound great!

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