CM CLUB:..Prob with mindee telling mum she doesnt want to come because..

[PinkChick]

MY dd is mean to her!
By mean, she means looking at her funny, wont play with her in school or wont play a game she wants to play..oh and that my dd HITS her in the face ALL THE TIME on purpose with her plaits!

Mum was lovely when she asked to speak to me last night and said she KNOWS her dd can say things that get attention and also listens to grown ups a lot and copies what theyve said...

Weeks ago dd was holding mindees hand and running along, dd turned round and hit mindee in face with plait..i told dd to be careful as shed just hit mindee with plait..few mins later dd turns round again (just turning round to talk, you couldnt say 'on purpose!') and did it again..i said "dd, BE CAREFUL when you're turning round youre hitting mindee with your plaits"..and that was it...end off!...but now mindee has brought it up and said dd told her she was nt going to stop and was doing it on purpose because she liked hitting her!!!..we were walking along road together and none of this was said!

Now this minde IS lovely, but can also be sly and wisper things to the other children in a 'tone' so i cant hear "..NO you CANT play with x because i want to play with it in a minute" etc and so on...i told mum this...i also said that sheconstantly come to me and say "your dd wont play x", Your dd is looking at me like this ", "your dd said she doesnt care andwont play"..etc....

DD as well as the rest can be a grump esp after finishing school until she settles down and we're all in coats off and start an activity, but shes being painted as abaddy here and tbh more often than not, its mindee 'wispering' thinking i cant hear, giving other younger mindee nasty looks and tattle tailing about silly little things!..this mindee was actually bullying another child in her class a while back (dont think mum knows, other mum told me) and child ended up leaving for this and other reasons.

Ive told mum i will now do her a diary sheet each day if anything has been said/done so we can see whats happening and will also set them ana ctivity as soon as they get in door in rbeakfast room so if im in kkitchen getting prams/babies sorted i can see her and make sure theyre not up to anything she may twist around....argh!

So have any of you had this?.WWYD???

oh and re school, she means if my dd is playing with someone and mindee asks her to play with her and dd says shes playing with x..mindee says this is dd being mean!
school are saying mindee doesnt play with many people, but now seems to be directing the prob at my dd(theyre not even in same class!)

again, mum was lovely and wasnt blaming dd, she was saying she knew what her dd was like and was elaborating etc, but obv as a mum you need to get these things ironed out and i cant make her dd stop saying these thigns..was thinking of having a talk, maybe showing a book ? about people who make things up/get friends into trouble etc??

You have done the right thing by addressing the issue with mum. I also think that your iddea of showing a book or something is a good idea (i will have a think of a good book for you), could you put a dvd on that shows the same and just pass a comment on it at the right time!

I do agree that it is not nice when 'our' children are blamed for things, and will say again that you have done the right thing by addresssing it the mum and implementing the diary sheets and activities. Can you see the breakfast room from the kitchen? Would hate for the mindee to twist something when you are trying so hard to apease the situation.

There 2 issues here that i see....you are her childminder not your dd,your dd is free to play with who she wants,effectively when you come home your dd although shes yours is one of your mindees she is in her own surroundings and it musr be difficult for her if shes not 'gelling' with this other child that will surely affect her behaviour.

The second issue is that this other child is using your dd of course it could be that your dd is being sly and spiteful but you know her better than anyone else so i dont think this is the reason.
The mindee obviously thinks that by being the mindee means she can 'use' your dd-perhps she is immature socially?

I would speak to the mum and say that you will work on this but it may well be that another childminder is the last resort your dd must come first!

thanks mums, yes breakfast room is adjoined to kitchen via walkthrough, i can see /hear everything there, plus if she has something to 'do' straight away hopefully shell be less likely to make stuff up..will print off sheets to fill in for mum and jot down everything i have to speak to her /them about ...i know mum anyway from school before i looked after mindee so if theyve been bickering i tell her as she comes through door (in a joky way)..like "ooh im gunna bang their heads together tonight, theyre like an old married couple" etc..even last night while mum was talking to me, mindee kept running out and saying "are you 'having a word' with Pink like i asked"!!!

Thanks sparkles, mindee (as i was told last night) does seem to be having problems making friends at school, maybe this is to do with her 'being mean' to the other child who left?, maybe the others see this and dont want to play with her?, dd and her ARE friends, they DO paly together, but am not MAKING my dd do something she doesnt want to do, like MAKE her play with mindee at school or play what mindee wants to play at home.

Yeah, all children can be sly as mum said herself last night, inc my dd, but dd is more in your face 'i dont want to do this' or 'can i play with that after you' as ive always taught her to be honest and ask nicely, however i KNOW children dont always do as we ask, but i do know from being with them that mindee does seem to take offence at most things if its not what she wants (mindee was reading a book last week but had a doll-not being played with - on her knee..baby mindee went over and picked it up and mindee said "piiiiiiiiiiink..x has just snatched the doll of me when I was playing with it"!..things like this (shes 7 BTW)

not been on for ages but is this the mindee you've had problems with before{breakages}?
as a primary aged child my mum would often mind a friends dd - we didn't get on & it was horrible for me i always resented it - as teens and adults we were good friends though but i think that was 'cause it was our choice.
i'd say get rid.
i can't bear sly/sneaky kids.

Ellp Chick!!..how are you!?

No its not same child..this one si normally/most of time lovely, tells me she loves me etc..just developing this 'other' side now

'Ello' not ellp

I would consider giving notice as your DD needs to feel happy in her own home and it sounds as if this mindee could cause problems with your DD at school too!

I don't think I will be taking school age children if I strat minding again as my DD found this hard - her space being invaded - she was fine with ltttlies!

i'm good thanks - rather lacking in work and cash though!

maybe it's just a phase then - i think you could just have a chat and be honest and tell her that if her and dd cant get along then she won't be able to come to you anymore - that may shock her into stopping making up stories about dd as she will realise it will be her who loses out. i think this can be the problem with girls they tend to tell tales whereas boys sort things out much quicker!

Thing is, my dd doesnt know/nor see there being a prob, she plays and gets on with things, she doesnt remember that x did y 4 weeks ago like this mindee, so overall dd is very happy having mindee here as am i, i just need to know how to knock this on the head and make sure my dd isnt made into a scape goat.
im going to speak to them tonight, only have them 2 plus 2 babies, so will be easy to chat and speak frankly about why we should make things up or 'add' things on to make adults take more notice

is this mindee an only child ?!

she has a younger sibling 1 and 1/2.

I don't know if it would work, or help but I had problems with dd and after school mindee who I have every day. They are in the same class and so have rather a lot of each other! I have started doing reward charts with them, and although they are only one week in, it has worked really well. Now, dd and mindee are only 4 so it might be different but we have been moving up for things like walking home nicely together, playing nicely together and doing words nicely together! At the end of the week, if they are on number 10, they get to choose something from the 'good behaviour box'!