moving from nursery to cm? What to think about?

[badgeroo]

Good morning. Newbie posting here so sorry if I'm asking the blindingly obvious. I have read a lot of posts and replies already!

DD is in nursery at the moment, and has been since I returned to work around the time she was one. After a lot of upset in the first few weeks, she's got over what I assume is separation anxiety, and doesn't seem too upset to be left there.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'm happy with things as they are. On paper the nursery looks good. There are lots of positive descriptions of how children spend their day, high proportion of trained staff, good OFSTED reports, etc. And when we looked round a number of nurseries, they seemed exceptionally warm and welcoming. BUT....DD comes home with bumps and bruises that they can't explain (OK, toddlers toddle into things, but surely the staff would notice?). She has frequent nappy rash, and I often find poo stuck to her bum. The staff seem to be sitting and gossiping and watching the LOs play rather than playing with them when I collect / drop off. The nursery is right next to the local park but DD never gets taken there (the staff say it is too cold for the LOs to be taken out in winter). She hardly sleeps, which I can sympathise with as the place is pretty darned noisy, and some of the LOs her age aren't having lunchtime naps any more I guess.

I think I want her out of there. I worry that we'll have settling in issues again, but it might be worth it for a better quality of care. Hope I'm not asking too much! But I'm also wondering about looking at CMs this time around. Care in a home might be nicer for her; she would get taken out on the school run and hopefully on outings / groups etc. I was a really bad SAHM - we never stayed at home, and now I worry that DD spends all day every day cooped up in one room. (Yes, should have thought of that before we booked it. Please be gentle to me!)

So I'm asking you lovely people some things that I'm thinking about if I do visit some CMs.
(1) If you are a CM, would you be willing to take on a LO who had got used to an 'institutional' environment? Can you see any problems?
(2) for parents and CMs: would you recommend looking for a CM with mindees the same age, or is a mixed 'family' more stimulating? We liked the 'all learning together' thing at nursery, but maybe mixing with older / younger ones would be good for her as well?
(3) If you are a CM, how important is regularity for you? Would a CM expect to mind DD all day every day, or would you be willing to have mum / dad pick up or drop off at different times as long as they gave you notice?
(4) has anyone made the shift from nursery to CM and got any experiences to share?

Do I sound like a nightmare mother?! Maybe I should keep my mouth shut if I visit some new places / people?

Thanks! Sorry to ramble on......

Hi newbie! Have you considered a private nursery attached to an independent school? I've found them to offer more stimulating care, plus love and attention as obviously the school wants you to stay beyond nursery age. We were surprised that the cost compared favourably with our existing nursery, plus you'll benefit from nursery funding from Local Authority during the term your child turns 3.

As for CMs, all are limited on how many children they can have so if you are looking for a full-time place you shouldn't have a problem. Neither would it be asking to much to vary drop off and pick up times. What you will need to bear in mind is that they are likely to have school aged children so they are likely to be doing school runs between 8:15 - 9:00 and 3:00 - 3:45.

Start by visiting cm's within your area irrespective of whether they have a vacancy to see them "at work" and to seek their advice and experiences. This may lead to a personal recommendation. Also have in mind which school you intend to send your LO to and ask each cm you vet that they would be willing/able to do school run for you. Ask to see their Accident Book and area where LO could take a nap.

Hi there, you sound quite practical really more than 'a fussy mum'

As a childminder myself, i have had children come in from nurseries and find they settle quicker as the intial settling in is a lot about leaving mum/dad behind and depending on others. Of course your daughter will need time to get to used to the new enviroment/set up but should not be a huge problem.

In regards to ages of children, i believe that the little ones learn a lot more from the older children and tend to want to copy.... All of our children have walked and talked early, even have the little ones singing nursery rhymes with full actions from 18 months

As for collection, I personally think this depends on the childminders typical day. I know personally i prefer to know exactly when my parents are coming and ask all parents to drop of children between 8:00am and 8:30am and collect between 5:30 and 6:00pm (assuming they are in full day care)
Of course parents can collect before this time but i think that it works both ways convenience wise. Your minder and daughter could be in a middle of structured play between 2pm and 3pm and so might not be practical for you to pick her up early when you may or may not get of work early now and again, it comes down to overall practicality of facilitating your needs i guess.

lastly, allow your daughter a little time to get used to your new setting, express your concerns about your previous experiences, after all open honest relationship between parent and minder is what makes a good working relationship work.
Good Luck with the transition.

Just wanted to disagree with litlelyn about the 'Private nurseries attatched to independednt schools' ( sorry hun just throughan experience)

A couple of years ago I went to an interview at a private nursery (attachted to a private indepndent school), excited to get an interview i jumped at there chance to work there.

However as soon as I went through the nursery door I knew it was not what I expected (brings the saying ''dont judge a book by its cover'' into perspective.. i,e the vision of this big posh private school)

I was let in by a buzzer without asking my name, Little ones running in and out of the toilets in there vests with bottles, 3 young ladies/teenagers sitting together watching tv and reading magazines.

I could not believe my eyes.

There was another lady there for an interview who was also in complete shock, needless to say there manager was apparently running late and 'not in yet' and despite waiting 30 minutes and still no show of the manager I had to leave.

So i would say, Have a look around, what works for one parent wont necessarily work for you, only you know your daughters nature and needs and find something that suits both you and her. When you find the right place you will know

I haven't had experience of switching from nursery to CM, but I used a nursery for DD1 (for various reasons, but lack of confidence in myself and my choices really) and now a CM for DD2 (20 months). I'm really, really happy with my CM, and for DD2 to be in a family-centred home environment. I'm sure she get more 1 to 1 attention that she would at a nursery. She'll go to pre-school in addition when she's 3, and that will be more than enough socialisation for her! I know this isn't exactly what you're asking, but if your gut feeling is that something is wrong, then look around and make a change - that does not in any way make you a nightmare mother, rather a kind and caring one.

hi, i love mums that ask lots of questions. i'm quite forgetfull and may not mentiopn something that the parents would like to know.
i've just taken on a 4yo little boy who has been in a nusery setting for the last 3 years, and is going to start school in sept. as he is my only fulltime mindee and, after talking to his mum and with this in mind, i take him to lots of music classes, dance times and toddler groups with children of his age.
were still in the first few weeks and ofcourse there has been teething problems with him getting bored some afternoons.
any childminder worth her salt will want you to ask questions, they will want to know what you want form them, if they dont fit, they may come up with a compromise that will suit both of you.
you really dont sound like a nightmare mother, just one that cares.

I am a childminder & am cross with what you say about the nursery & their apparent lack of care! As a childminder I interact with the children in my care, take them out & about to toddler groups & childminder drop ins. They are also taken on the school runs, which for me are now all minded children as both of mine are at secondary school.
1)Sometimes children take a little settling in moving from a nursery environment to a childminder but often settle very quickly as they are used to routines & thrive because of the variety of routines we provide as childminders.
2) I think that as long as there are one or two children a similar age to your LO a variety of ages are beneficial as then all children learn to get along together & the older children enjoy 'helping' the LO's learn & do activities.
3)As long as I know in advance what times of drop off & collection are I can build ion flexibility, although you do need to bear in mind school run times & the fact that childminders are often out in the community. One of my parents regularly drops off her ds to me where I am at a group because of his starting time. Other times I will pick him up early at no extra charge to her as it is more convenient for me to have him longer to fit in with what we are doing, eg an outing in the school holidays.4)
Sorry can't help with the last one, other than the fact I used to look after a girl who did 3 days nursery & 2 days with me & she adjusted very well.

I switched dd from nursery to CM. She had been at nursery form 7 mo- nearly 3 and now with CM 6 mo. We changed when we moved house but I had been thinking about it since she was about 1! Nursery was a very up and down - she would seem really happy in one room then the next would never be so good. She is very shy and wouldn't join in any group activities although she played with other dcs otherwise. She went through long months of wailing not to go and always came to me and clung at home time as though she were escaping purgatory. Like a frog in boiling water we sort of got used to it and thought maybe it was OK.

It has been radically different with CM. She has only twice ever resisted going (once after being on holiday). She cheerfully asks if we are going to CM and never seems sad or clingy at pick-up. It is such a relief.

So I definitley recommend it. Some drawbacks: it's nothing like as flexible. You can have a flexible contract but not random flexibility and even the contract has to get around eg the school run so eg I take dd a bit later than I would like to avoid going sup early and have on the morning school run. And pick-up has to be punctual too as it interferes with getting the dcs ready to go. CM's holidays or other leave can be difficult - I had 2 weeks without cover this summer (even dh went away on business).

Some CM's have a network to cover for each other - mine doesn't (but dd is too shy to go to a new CM that easily).

The age is mixed - and I think that is good for dd too. She looks forward to going to school which she sees on the school run and talks to the dc after school, and she looks after the younger ones (a chance for her to be the big kid for a change). CM takes them to groups regularly too.

It's a much more personal relationship and w4e have had a run in recently over how dd should be eg potty-trained, but overall it has been a big improvement for dd and therefore for us although logistically - it's not as convenient.

can't believe the nursery said it's too cold for the park!!! Children need to be outside - or is it just too cold for staff to stand around chatting...

I think different pick-ups could work well, as long as you knwo the cm's routine (ie when she's out on a school pickup etc)

That nursery sounds rubbish - too cold for the park - hu??, poo stuck to DC bottom, staff not engaging with DC etc - not good. If there sre no other local nurseries that you would consider then a CM might be a good option. Defintley worth settling in period for better care long term! Good luck.

All mums will have a horror story to tell regarding private nurseries, a cm and indeed a nursery attached to an independent school. Not knowing badgeroos (or PeaceNLove's) neighbourhood it's impossible to comment but I'd still suggest it is worth keeping all your options open as holiday cover can be a headache if you go down the cm route. The nursery sighted should be reported regardless.

Thanks for all the replies - very helpful.

In the process of articulating my thoughts to you, I have become more convinced that I need to express my concerns to the nursery - should have done so a while ago.

Secondly, I decided to look at the listings for childcare that my local CIS provide. Fired up by having read some of your replies, I found seven childminders within a reasonable radius of home and rang the lot of them to ask for information / arrange a meeting etc. NONE of them had places, even those with vacancies on the CIS site which obviously only gets updated periodically. I've emailed a few more as well, so we'll see. But I'm certainly keen to explore the option; even if we can't find anything now, it is worth thinking about for the longer term.

Everyone's experience will be different I suppose. We might have picked a duff nursery (or maybe just a duff room for the age group) but others will have much better experiences. I'm sure there are lovely childminders out there, but we could have made a mistake on that front just as easily

Thanks everyone!

we have never used a nursery for our dc both have been with a childminder and both have loved it.
I wanted them to have the family experience where there was a mix of ages and where they were loved like in a family and the cm was best place for that.
My dd started going to s childminder at 4 months and the idea of dropping her off in a room full of other babies I just couldn't do it.
I have never found the holiday cover an issue but that because i have worked school terms and both my cm have preferred this

we have never used a nursery for our dc both have been with a childminder and both have loved it.
I wanted them to have the family experience where there was a mix of ages and where they were loved like in a family and the cm was best place for that.
My dd started going to s childminder at 4 months and the idea of dropping her off in a room full of other babies I just couldn't do it.
I have never found the holiday cover an issue but that because i have worked school terms and both my cm have preferred this

badgeroo helpful thread for me as we are in the process of possibly changing from nursery to cm for our dd2 (15months). Her older sister really thrived in the busier nursery environment but dd2 just can't seem to settle (different personality plus there are a few issues with the nursery tbh)

I would add that what worked for us was to let everyone know in passing that we were searching for a cm, then other mothers tell their cm, and you get to hear if a vacancy might be coming up. We have been v fortunate in that another mum at the school gate (her ds is in dd1's reception class) has just started up as a cm. She is looking after her friend's baby.

On a practical note it is a big decision, any big changes for you and dc are (imo) stressful.

Change might be easier than you think.
We have always used a CM and been very happy but had to change to a new one recently due to CM retiring. We were dreading settling in to the new place (DD now 18mo) but it was literally one day of crying and now she is really happy, asks to go on days off!
I would definitely recommend children of different ages. When DD first went she was 9mo and my CM had a 2 yr old and 3 yr old twins. They loved helping to look after the baby and she learnt a lot from them. She is pretty bored by children her own age but really looks up to older children.
The most important advantage to me is that it is the same carer every day. Consistency and individual attention. Talking to other mums who use nurseries I think DD gets sick less often and the CM is willing to have her if a bit under the weather (not really ill obviously). So far touch wood CM has not been off sick and we have lots of notice of her hols so can arrange cover.

When I rang round I also found all the Cms were booked for the days I needed - except one who was relatively new. Thankfully, I was very happy to go with that CM - but if I had had reservations I would have tried another nursery again (I found a new one with very good parent feedback).

Just to add - I changed from nursery to CM and have been very happy with the move. The nursery wasn't bad, but it wasn't lovely - similar story with the chatting staff and being stuck in one room too much. It's a totally different story with CM, he loves going there and getting out and about. The other two mindees are a couple of years older but they really adore him and all play together well. If you manage to track down a CM with a space and you have a good feeling about them then I would say go for it. People are right to raise the issue of less flexibility/holiday cover, but as long as you pick a good un, it shouldn't be a problem. It's never come up for us and my CM is also pretty flexible with pick-up and drop-off times as long as we communicate our plans. It sounds like you're thoughtful and considerate so there's no reason why you couldn't make it work. Good luck with the hunt!

i'm in shock that it is too cold to go to the park under the EYFS children must have so many hours outside even if its raining, children dod not melt if they are wrapped up they are happy