CM CLUB - I'm having a wood from the trees type moment...........Opinions welcome......

[LoveMyGirls]

Dd2 is just over 3, shes bright, confident and sociable.

Currently she is coming with me to toddler groups in the mornings, 3 afternoons a week she goes on to lunch club and nursery then after the school run we go home to do drawing/ playdough role play games etc with the other children. The other 2 afternoons are spent with me while my 2 younger mindees sleep, I think she does enjoy having a bit of peace and time on her own with me building a den, pottering about/ aquadraw/ jigsaws etc - I think at the moment we have a good mix.

The thing is in January she can only do mornings are nursery so every afternoon will be spent at home while mindee's have their lunch and nap and I'm wondering if without the other children she will get bored, because she's mine she won't sit with me for long to do activities like other 3yr old children I've looked after so I'm wondering if it would be best to put her in a day nursery a couple of days a week and do 3 mornings at the nursery she is at now and have 3 afternoons at home with me, I think 2 or 3 afternoons at home are fine but every afternoon? (I'm worried she will get bored and start trying to wake the mindee's so she can play with them, the 2 afternoons we're at home now i can keep her entertained fairly well but being a very loud 3yr old I think 5 afternoons might be pushing it)

Should I wait and see how it goes?
What would you do/ have you done?
Is 5 afternoons at home when she's so used to company unfair?
Will being at home with me be stimulating enough? (considering she won't sit and do activities with me for more than 2 minutes)
If she wakes my mindee's every afternoon is that fair on them?
If she goes to two different nurseries will that be too confusing? (for those wondering why I don't just choose 1 it is because imo one is educationally better than the other and the better one is attached to the school she may go to)
Am I worrying too much?

You are thinking like a CM not a mother!! Of course she's simulated enough. Mothers don't simulate their children all day, everyday, like we do as a CM. You are forgetting that she's your dd, not a mindee!

Personally, I think I'd leave it and see how it goes. I don't think there's any need for her to go to a group every afternoon or even a couple of afternoons, she will be fine at home with you. She needs to learn and understand how to play on her own too. She is only 3, so I think she'd be pretty pooped with all that organised stuff, but at the same time she should be old enough to understand that the mindees don't need to be disturbed.

So, you are worrying too much. Don't get another playgroup/nursery involved. You're right, too confusing. There really is no need for her to be at organised things anymore than a couple of hours in the mornings, until she's at the school nursery.

Stop thinking of what Ofsted would say, your dd is none of their business!

Thanks think i just needed someone to say that x

Good. Glad to be of assistance.

All children need time on their own from time to time just to play their own games with their own rules, whether it is building with Lego, playing with cars or playing house with their dolls. As long as you are somewhere nearby they won't come to any harm. Sometimes it is good to just let them really study things for themselves and try and make sense of the world without interference from other children (or adults for that matter).

My DS who is 4 goes to preschool 5 mornings a week and then after lunch the two mindees go to sleep. I hardly get time to do with him the things you do with your DD! More often than not I sigh with relief when he wants to go on the pc to play games or wants to watch a DVD so that I can tidy up lunch stuff,get tea stuff ready, do some papework, have lunch, etc etc!

I felt really guilty about him watching movies more often than not but then I think he does lots at school, plus my house is so noisy and busy when the school mindees are here - having still time in the middle of the day is not all bad!

I do struggle to keep him quiet though, on some days.

Finding it hard today, I've just been trying to clear up the total destruction (we had a play date this morning) the place looked like a bomb had hit so I put mindee's down for nap and tried to get dd2 to help me clear up a bit, made it into a game, counting the toys going into the box etc but then I put lazytown (her fav) on while I cleared the lunch mess and she's shouting me every 2 mins and singing along at the top of her voice (cute but I have 2 mindees asleep) I just rang dp and said I really don't know how I'm going to manage 5 afternoons my nerves are going to be shot to pieces.

She's watchign dora so I can hopefully have my cup of tea and a sandwich quickly then I've promised we'll make some new playdough.

Tell me she will learn to be quieter or they will learn to sleep through the noise?

LMG, I have EXACTLY the same problem with my 4 year old. I land up getting so cross with him when he does not be quiet, the poor thing. But you know that if the mindees do not have their after lunch sleep they can be so cranky and unhappy later.

I am trying to play with some play dough with DS (while MNetting, tut tut) but I need to do my invoices, clean the kitchen, pack away some toys, and get some snacks ready for the after school mindee I have today. And fill in diaries.

Thank heavens. DS wants to watch Cars DVD.

I feel like a BAD mother! We have to remember that we are for all intents and purposes a full time mother as well as childminders. Taking your child to work every day is no mean feat.

This is when I sway more towards dd being at nursery at least a couple of the afternoons so that I can get things done and the mindee's can get good quality nap time and also so dd can be as loud as she likes and at least when I pick her up I can enjoy the time with her rather than getting cross, there's no point getting wound up because she is only doing what 3 year old's do she doesn't understand and I really don't know if its fair on any of us to try and make her understand iykwim? I've got from Jan 09 to sept 2010 with having her at home every afternoon unless she goes to a day nursery some of the time but then I'm back to is it too confusing to send her to 2 nurseries, should I just send her to one but it would have to be the one I don't think is as educational (though I could be wrong I haven't stepped foot in the place for years)

Will she learn to be quieter or am I going to wasting my time? Getting more and more fustrated and not actually getting any quality time anyway? At the moment I'm filling in diaries (and checking threads im on) while she's learning sign language from cbeebies I'm going to have a cuppa then when that's finished we'll make playdough.

I do feel like people expect me to want her with me all the time and I do love spending time with her but I also feel sometimes we need time away to appreciate time together. If I was working FT out of the home she would have to spend a lot more time away from me anyway. I feel guilty as if its wrong to want her to go to nursery at all. I'm liking the 2 afteernoons we have together at the moment where she can just chill out and potter and I can do things with her if I have time and she wants to but 5 afternoons is a bit daunting.

I'm really undecided, think dp would prefer her to be with me as much as possible but he hasn't actually got to try and manage so has accepted the final decision is for me to make but that is a heavy decision.

She is being an angel now

I see your point. I had never thought about putting DS in a nursery. He can be quiet some times, though (like now - or have I spoken too soon!) Probably easier at 4 to realise that he has to be quiet for some of the time at least, than if you're only 3.

I also had huge guilt trips about having DS watching TV but the way I see it (for me and DS anyway) is that he has school, then quiet time after lunch, then lots of friends and play in the afternoons. He unfortunately has to adapt.

NOT saying that you must force DD to do that. If you feel that letting her have time at nursery to have fun and play to her hearts content, I don't see why that should be a problem. Difficult decision. Perhaps you may feel a sense of relief if she does go and of course if you collect her and she is happy and smiling then you know you are doing the right thing for her!

PS I don't get much quality time with DS either.

She goes 3 afternoons a week now and is really happy there, she is the type of child to thrive in a nursery setting and is the right age to absorb it all I can't offer what she is getting from a nursery environment, I'm not trained and also I'm her mum so she won't do things with me the way she will for other adults iyswim.

The 3yr old I used to look after was willing to spend time with me, I can remember teaching him so much including how to write his name but dd isn't interested even though she is very bright.

It's typical that today she is being a lovely quiet child yet last week was screaming and kicking off because I wouldn't let her in the garden in her pants in november! Think I will have to see how it goes, maybe post on this thread to get a fuller picture of how it's going and then make a decision after christmas by then she may understand the need for quiet afternoons and the more i try to do one to one activities the more she may want to?

Lovemygirls, yesterday for the first time I seriously started considering putting DS who is 4 into a nursery perhaps 2 afternoons a week. He was impossible yesterday - not naughty, just wanting me to play with him and I had too much to do, I could not play!

I felt awful and moaned at him to leave me alone because I had work to do. The poor thing went away to the corner, head down and said, "Then I will play alone!" What else could I do: babies were sleeping so we had to be quiet, had dishes to do, tea to prepare, med records and EI and Acc book to fill in, diary to do, pack up baby's bottles etc for when dad collected her, etc.

DS wanted me to play football with him. We played cards for a bit, he watched a movie and played a few computer games. Sometimes it seems he really struggles to amuse himself.

No idea what to do!

Any progress on your side??