What's the etiquette with babysitters having their boyfriends over whilst sitting?

[Drusilla]

Our 15 yr old babysitter K sat for DS on Weds. All fine, DS happy etc. This morning DS told me that he met K's friend J who had a motorbike and helped K carry DS's books upstairs when he went to bed. I like K a lot - she is an intelligent, sensible girl. The family lived next doot to me until a few months but now live only a quarter of a mile away and when she sits for me her mum always stays in just in case. Her mum is lovely and wise and I trust her. All I want to do is ask her mum if she thinks this boy J is ok to be in my house when K is babysitting and if shw thinks he's ok I would be happy with that. But am I out of order to do that?! K's parents are quite strict and I don't want her to get into trouble or feel that she can't trust me. Or am I being completely over the top?! We are a forces family, DH is away at the mo and I am miles from family so I really want to keep using K for babysitting. Oh, and DS is a PFB!

she was out of line not asking if she could have him over which immediately would make me think she didnt want you to know, however, if you trust this girl and dont want to lose a good babysitter i would speak to her about it, speaking to her mother might be a good idea but i wouldnt do it behind the girls back, be open about it. then she has no reason to be upset with you. ask to meet this boy, and then make up your own mind about him, remember, just because you trust her, does not mean you can trust him. if you do agree that he can be there with her then you make rules about where in the house he can be, what, if any, role he has with regards to your son and what times he is to be there until.

my babysitter is my 15 year old cousin, i trust her 100% with regards to looking after my son and when she started seeing BF i suggested they spend some time here together when i was here so i could see how they behave together, how my son was with him, and wether i knew i could trust him, she was more than happy with this. i agreed he could babysit with her, but made it a rule that they do not be upstairs 2gether, and that she check on my son at regular intervals if sleeping. my son became very attatched to this boy and although they are now split up, i would even use him as a babysitter if mine was unavailable. however she did ring me once while i was out to ask if some other friends could visit, i hadnt met them so i said no. i wouldnt have a stranger in my house when i was there so i definately wouldnt allow it when i wasnt there.

pmsl at blonde "what would five candles say" = think she shoudl ahve asked first - i'd chat to her as breaghsmum suggested. And from my experience of 15 year olds the engrossment in each other at expnse of ds could be an issue

Last night I babysat 2 of the kids I mind. I always do this alone, but this time I did ask the parent if she minded if hubby (who she knows, the kids know and he has had CRB checks done etc.) popped round later as tbh we got some really bad news yesterday and I didn't look forward to being on my own for 6 hours... she said 'yes, of course!'.

As it turned out I was okay and he didn't come round... but the point is... even tho she knows and trusts us both... I think it good etiquette to let the parent know who is in their home at all times, especially when their kids are there.