Can someone steer me towards house rules for au pairs?

[HarrietTheSpy]

Cheers all

X

Oh gosh... where to begin...

No sex in the living room.
Don't leave lights and computer on and turn up the heat when you leave the house for the day.
Dress appropriate (i.e. not like a horny sex kitten)

Okay, it's Friday and I'm bored. Will go find my serious list.

1. In case of a medical emergency, our GP is Dr. X at 123 ABC Lane in town x. A Hospital and West B Hospital are the closest acceptable hospitas to our house. B Hospital is our first choice, if you can get there. NEVER allow the children to be treated at St. Peters in Chertsey. If you need an ambulance, instruct the driver to go to Kingston or West Middlesex. If he/she refuses, get in a taxi.
2. Ensure all doors and windows are closed and locked and lights are turned out if no one else is home when you leave the house.
3. Smoking is forbidden anywhere in the house, in our cars, and in the garden either by you or any of your friends who may visit. These are strict house rules and there are no variations. Smoking is also forbidden when on duty, even if not at home.
4. If you are staying out overnight please let us know beforehand. This is so we do not worry about you.
5. If you want to have a friend (girlfriends and relatives only) to stay overnight, please ask our permission first.
6. No adult males (i.e. boyfriends) are allowed in the house when we are not home.
7. Never go out and leave anyone alone in our house.
8. Please do not allow anyone into the house when we are not at home for whatever reason (unless prior arrangements have been made with us). Ask callers to call again. There are no exceptions to this rule.
9. It is very important that you are on time each morning. I am usually in a hurry to get out the door so I can be at work on time. The kids should get dressed and have breakfast straight away, and not linger in my room.

10. If you use up a food product (i.e. butter, bread, Dishwasher tablets, etc.) or notice we are about to run out of something, please put it on the ?Grocery List? which is kept on the bulletin board in the kitchen. If things are not put on the list, I can not be expected to know to buy them when I do the weekly shopping. 11. Carry the mobile phone which we provided to you at all times when on duty. 12. NEVER let a cat in the house. I am allergic to them. 13. Please answer the call waiting when you are on the phone. If you take a message for us, please put it on the bulletin board in the kitchen. Likewise, if we take a message for you, we will put it on the bulletin board. 14. Feed the children in accordance with the attached ?Eating Rules?. 15. Dress the children appropriately for the day?s activities. DD is learning how to coordinate her own outfits, but she does sometimes need guidance. Please don?t let her go out looking like a mismatched clown.

Thanks AN. I wonder how to say horny sex kitten in French. Maybe I could type it into one of those on line translators -ah! Seems to be:

chaton de sexe de horney

Wow, AN, bit sarky about your lack of psychic powers regarding the grocery list! Ours include one about only eating in the kitchen.

I can well sympathise with AN. I have come home several times from work with no milk/ nappies/breakfast cereal despite asking nannies to please remind me or they've 'forgotten' to get it. Have had to send a friendly mini cab service off to Tesco's to help. No fun.

We've also got a house rule about no candles in the AP's bedroom.

Athene's stuff is good. I added not to chew gum in our or DC's presence. It's a vile habit, and makes even the intelligent look bovine. What I really hate is that gum chewers will talk with their mouth full when they wouldn't do it with "real" food. I should say that even now, DC (13) conceals her gum-chewing habit from us.

Also to say when an item is running out: we rarely ate Pringles type stuff, but when we did, we would find that the box was empty except for a single Pringle. I think they were scared we'd hit the roof about them wolfing the lot, so the propitiatory gesture was meant to buy us off. Instead of pissing us off. All APs, without exception, do this.

Speaking of piss. Do not wet the bed. You can never say this, so get a good quality terry-backed mattress protector. These are not cheap. We didn't, and only found out after the au pair left, that she'd had a wee-wee accident.

Mobiles phone-no excessive use when looking after DCs and NEVER when driving.....