Really confused re childcare - opinions and experiences please!

[spottedandstriped]

OK - haven't made up my mind at all about childcare and now am both really confused and worried about it.

I am probably going back to work fulltime.

I have reserved a place at nursery but am not particularly happy with it - everyone seemed v young (I know that doesn't mean that they are not good at what they do) and it seemed sad that the babies would be confined to their "room". Also, I wondered if it was a bit regimented at a young age?

So, I went to see some cm's. I met one who I thought was really quite nice and experienced. However, I am quite concerned about the whole "school run" thing and my baby being shipped off around to drop other children off. Also, she seemed to have loads of children after school - I just wondered how she copes and how much attention does each child get, especially the pre-schoolers? I like the idea of interaction and home from home environment - but would lots of older children interacting with the baby be good?

Lastly, one of my friends has suggested a nanny share. I like the idea of having a bit more say in how my baby is being looked after and the possibility of visits out and no school runs - however, you have the admin of employing someone/finding the nanny/what to do re holidays etc etc..

Would be grateful to hear peoples views/experiences on this minefield!

You could try and find a newly registered CM or one who doesnt have any school children so that your baby doesnt have to go out on school runs etc but its not guaranteed that she wont then get some.

CM's work hard to ensure that each child receives some individual attention even when they are busy, but having lots of school age generally means they are quite happy entertaining themselves playing with each other.

No ideas on the other two options Im afraid!

Hi there,

why don't you see the cm and the nursery again and ask them more questions?

As a cm I can say that, children of diferent ages in a setting all playing and interacting together is lovely for them. Does the cm you saw just go to one school in the morning and the end of the day? CM's usually only drop off at school, parents should pick up at end of the day.

Some CMs are registered for fewer children, i.e. 2 instead of 6, and they would then have more time for your LO. Its worth looking around until you find the perfect match for LO or else you will worry yourself sick at work.

can you try some other nurseries? a lot of the staff at dd's nursery are mums or grans themselves. it's not always school leavers.

I feel that you are contradicting yourself a little, as you say you aren't wanting your baby confined to a room, but aren't wanting them going out (school run) either.

With whatever type of childcare you choose, you will need to compromise on something. There is always some aspect you won't like. So try to think about your major dislikes and major likes - then see what type of care best fits that.

For maximum attention, you want a nanny who only cares for your child - that's possible but is a costly option. I've never done a nanny share so don't know the ins-and-outs of it, but if you and your friend disagree about something (relating to nanny/care), it could result in ending your friendship.

Holidays - with a nanny, you will need to care for your child when the nanny takes their holiday. As employer you do get some control over when your employee takes holiday. With other forms of care, you get no control at all with regard to when they are closed/won't take your child.

There are a lot of pros/cons to each type of care. Illness is another issue for example.

From meeting the childminders I know, I can say that when they have older children, the pre-schoolers get a lot of attention still... it tends to be the older children who get little (as they don't need much).
The school run I don't feel is that much of an issue, as babies like going out and seeing the world around them, including people watching. It is also part of the routine and babies can love the extra attention they get from the older children.

Thanks everyone.

NannyNick - sorry if I appeared as if I am contradicting myself. I think I want him to do things outside the house (eg go to the park or toddler group) but not just spend time in a car seat if you see what I mean?

Anyone else have any thoughts/views?

Some childminders walk to school & visit the park on the way to or from

I think that cm is going to replicate the experience of being home with a mum more. I have an older child, so would have been doing school run with my dd2, same as my childminder does.

My dd2 has a cm, full-time, she (cm) has one other child 2 days a week. I chose cm as I feel that it replicates more closely what she would experience if I was at home. It was important to me that she experience more of a one on one relationship. Obv nursery is more flexible - less to deal with in terms of, if the cm/cm's children are sick you have to find other arrangements. This never happens with nursery.

Best of luck!

My DD is now 18mo and has been with CM since 9mo. i did consider a nursery but there were no places I would never do it for a young baby now.
Most important thing is that DD has a real bond with her CM and knows it will be the same person every day.
Older kids are actually great for babies. The ones at my CM love DD (especially the girls). They want to help her and show her things and she is fascinated by them much more than toddlers her own age.
The other thing I find an advantage is that CM is much more flexible than i think nursery would be. As long as I'm not taking the p*ss she will cut me some slack on occasional late pick up, she was able to work round DDS naps and things rather than impose a set schedule on her.

Any chance of you having another year off before you go back part time? I now regret not having had more time off with my babies.

My DD goes to nursery, and they spend as much time outside in the garden (weather permitting) as they do inside. It is a lovely nursery with pet rabbits outside and even though most of the workers there are quite young, I truly believe they do care about my child. DD(2yr) constantly talks about 'Tasha' her key worker and they do give cuddles when she's upset/tired/bit poorly.

Also to add it is quite a small nursey in comparison to some (only 10 in the toddlers class). maybe you should visit a few more, I know that they do vary a lot in what they offer and the way they look after the children from comparing my DD's experience to that of friends children.

Just my experience, hope that you find a solution you are happy with

Hi I am a cm, and I regularly take little ones on the school run, (I only have my own two dds after school though as I don't do after schools at the mo)

I don't drive yet so it is all fresh air and exercise, with double buggies, buggy boards, reins etc, plus I have loads of buggy books and toys attached so they don't get bored. I never leave the house without all their drinks, snacks etc just in case.

We use our school run time to talk about many things, sing songs, etc, point out colours of cars, numbers of birds etc. They love it, and also love seeing the school. I have a child who starts school next year, he has been with me since a baby, so feels quite happy and seure with the school building and people as he has seen my girls go through it and come out happy !

Try meeting a few more CMs, you may or may not find one that you feel comfortable with. My ds loves his - started in March when he was 10 months - she has 5 kids of her own ranging from grown up - eldest daughter is registered as an assistant - to 7 and the whole family adore DS. There are 3 other mindees who are part of the same family - a 2 year old and two before and after school. CM walks them to and from school, a very short journey which I think ds probably enjoys when he is taken on it, but sometimes he and the toddler stay at home with the grown up daughter.

Her youngest wanted ds to come to his 7th birthday party - he gets time with adults making a fuss of just two young ones when the others are at school, and at 8 and 4 and 7 the other children are can get on with eating their tea or playing various games while ds and the other little one get extra fuss and attention.

Although clearly it's about a job, our CM makes us feel like they really care about DS and enjoy having a baby/toddler about.

As with CMs, if there are other possible nurseries it might be worth going to visit more.

Googgly - no chance of taking more time off unfortunately. Mortgage to pay....

Thanks everyone for your thoughts

Yes, that's why I didn't take more time off either. I've never really sorted out childcare that I'm happy with though - I don't think there's any satisfactory substitute for a parent or granny.

I'm more than happy with my childminder. My dd2 is attached to her and the rest of the family. She comes home smelling of her cm - I know she's been kissed and cuddled.

She does a much better job and is certainly more consistently loving than either of the available grannies.

SnS - keep looking, you will find something that works really well for you and your family. In the world as we live in, or certainly as I live in it, mortgages have to be paid and grandmas or extended family aren't always local, willing or of the twinkly variety. Good luck.

Ultimately, the best advice I was given is to follow your gut instinct & do what's best for you!
For what it's worth I am VERY happy with my 8mo DD's nursery. My reasons for liking it are; after 6 months of maternity leave with my DD I appreciate how full-on it can be to look after babies full time so I like the fact that her carers have each other for support. I followed a routine with DD so the routine aspect of the day didn't bother me - and she seems very happy there. It's also good that she mixes with lots of other babies AND because she has multiple carers I think she's less likely to start calling one of them "mummy" as has happened with several of my friend's baby's who have nannies/child minders.

SpottedandStriped - your OP pretty much mirrors my experience of finding childcare. I always thought my DD would go to a nursery and never considered anything else until I visited all the feasible nurseries, put her name down at one but just wasn't happy deep down - absolutely nothing wrong with the nurseries, but for me, it all just felt too clinical and school like for such a young child. I ended up exploring the CM option and was extremely lucky to find an excellent CM who I came away from and instantly felt much happier about going back to work so knew instinctively it was the right decision. I have been back at work 2 months now and its all working out perfectly - DD (now 12 months) is thriving at CM's. I have to admit that I did also have slight concerns about school runs but it is such a small part of DD's day, CM walks when she can and she often takes them to the park on the way home plus my DD loves being out and about rather than sitting playing with toys all day. She loves the older children too. Before I agreed to go with my CM, I spent a few hours with her so that I could see how she worked, how she interacted with the children, how she dealt with difficult behaviour etc. Perhaps you could ask to do the same if you find a CM you are considering and join her on the school run so you can see for yourself how it works and whether you are happy with the setup. Its not easy is it - good luck!

I do feel for you , it's not nice going back to work and leaving baby. I've done it twice. The 1st time with ds, i used a nursery (staff there were all young but full of energy and enthusiasm) he was 1 1/2 and quite confident, so thrived and is now very mature and sociable at nearly 4 yrs. My dd was 7 mths, when I went back and way to clingy to send to nursery. I was all set to send her to a very nice cm but my niece offered to have her whilst on study leave. All children are different so go with your gut, you no your dc's needs best. I think half the worry and stress is from us feeling guilty that we are leaving them at all. I'm sure your lo will be fine and you'll probably both benefit from the time apart.

P.S I've now given up work and am a CM, I have vacancies in Doncaster area, if any Donny mums are reading this

I've used a variety of CMs and 1 nursery (briefly) and here what I think are the major things to consider.

CM - advantages

1. strong 1-1 bond between CM and child (in my view this is priceless and outweighed all other considerations.
2. easier transition when they start school. I hadn't thought of this but have no idea how we would cope without our CM when ds1 starts school. It may seem way ahead but IMO is worth considering.
3. Time spent with older children - IMO this is a big plus, it's like they have some extra siblings except they get on better because they are not together all the time.

CM - disadvantages

1. You will use up more holiday and need to be flexible to cope with CM's holidays and illnesses. Is this something that is possible with your job?
2. Increased risk of disruption if CM's circumstances change - we've had some very stressful times because of this.

Overall I am a big fan of CMs but it can be tough to find one that suits you.
Also wrt to the school run - I see this as a good thing as it means the boys get out the house and ds1 has some exercise everyday even if the weather is awful. Also it means that the school is a familiar place that ds1 is looking forward to going to next year.

Good luck