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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

How do I ask my aupair to leave?

6 replies

dannyb · 01/10/2008 11:44

I have had my new auapair for nearly 3 weeks and after lots of consideration I really don't want her to stay.

She's a nice enough girl but her english is poor. I was assured after interviewing her on the phone that it was reasonable but it isn't. Her understanding is poor and although it is getting better I do not feel that I can leave her with the children and I simply do not have the time to wait till it gets better. I do not expect an aupair to have fluent english but I do need a basic level of understanding and comprehension. She barely speaks to them, mostly I suspect because of the language but I don't think that she is keen on small children, she is very awkward with them and I am uncomfortable with the way she does speak to them on the odd occasion that she shows any interest. She shouts and says no a lot even when I demonstrate a better way of doing things.

I spoke to her the other day about this and she is making an effort but I do not have a good vibe and feel that I still need to make alternative arrangements on the days I need childcare help.

She is quite willing and is very pleasant but the real lack of english and the fact that she seems totally unbothered by the children is an issue for me. She is my 3rd aupair so I am not coming into this blind and do not have unrealistic expectations of what I expect her to do. I simply don't feel that I can leave my kids with her and I am not talking all day, I am talking about her doing the school pick up every couple of weeks and entertaining them till I get home, no more than 2 hours later or watching them in half term for a couple of hours before they go on a playdate.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HarrietTheSpy · 01/10/2008 13:19

Have you asked her how she thinks it's going? That would be my starting point.

dannyb · 01/10/2008 17:00

Good point. I talked to her the other day and asked her how she found being with the children and she said fine but I said that she didn't talk to them and that she needed to try even if she didn't think that her english was very good because they don't care they just like someone to play with them.

My husband asked her if she was happy and she said yes. I guess I need to sit down with her and ask her more directed questions. Given that today she didn't know what a chair was this could be a challenge

OP posts:
LIZS · 01/10/2008 17:07

Are you paying for EFL lessons ? How old is she and what experience ?

Badpups · 01/10/2008 22:12

Did she come through an agency? If so, you could contact them and they would probably speak to her (possibly in her own language) and may get a more objective view.

Weegle · 02/10/2008 07:51

We asked our disastrous AP, who walked round like a thunder cloud and never had anything positive to say about anyone or anything, whether she was happy and she said Yes, so since then I don't trust that question!

Are the children showing any outward signs of not being happy? If so, I would use that as the starting point. Sit her down and say to her that obviously your children's happiness is the most important thing to you and you will always put that first. And take it from there. It's going to be hard because her English is poor but you can also explain that because of that you are concerned that she could cope in an emergency due to the language problem, or that the children's needs aren't being met also because of the language. With a bit more prompting, rather than a simple "are you happy?", she might agree herself that she isn't suited and decide to move on.

Good Luck

quaranta · 02/10/2008 07:55

Yes i would ask children what they feel - trying to be unbiased. IF you're not happy then it won't work and there are nice ways to say it - it's not your fault - or ours - it's just that it doesn't seem the right fit. She may find it works really well elsewhere for her with another family.

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