behaviour help!

[botherednanny]

The little girl I look after has changed from quite a sweet natured thing into a little horror. She'll be 3 next month and she has absolutely no concept of being told 'no' she will whine, cry, scream for mummy/daddy if she doesn't get her own way. I have tried everything, ignoring her, naughty step, overly praising good behaviour, taking away treats, star charts etc NOTHING WORKS. Never in my 8 years as a nanny has a toddlers behaviour troubled me so much I also don't feel the parents support me too..

Sorry to hear about that. Sounds like you have a difficult family to work with.

I know it's none of my business but I wouldn't write what you wrote here if I were you. Mumsnet is so well known that there is a good chance that your boss/their friend/relative is reading this. And there is nothing like the fury of a parent whose children are criticised in public. I believe there are closed forums for nannies around, which might be more useful for you?

I am asking on here for parents views as well! I'm in no way slagging them off nor how they raise their child. All I meant is I don't feel they support me when I take treats away etc that sort of thing. Tbh, a parental view is really what I'm after as being nanny, I'm clearly not coping in the way I have before. I love the child to pieces, I just cannot take the behaviour anymore! When she is being good, she's a real diamond but recently... Well my first post explains it.

Hey..

My heart goes out to you...I'm a childminder and I have also had behaviour like that...She will grow out of it..what activites do you do? - Are they challenging enough?
Maybe instead of saying "NO" you could say " I dont really like that, or why dont we do this.."
My dd still doesnt like it when i say no to he (She's 4) but if i use an alternative word/phrase it generally works..plus i find she will then ask me quetions about why i dont like it..by the time she's remembered what i was saying no to in the first place she's no longer bothered.

I hope this helps..Keep you chin up!

Pips.x

Have you tried the 'marbles in a jar ' method?

(And I know it's unlikely but because of my personal experience - do you think her hearing is ok - has it been checked? - my hearing impaired ds was an absolute terror at that age)

Hi, thanks for your reply
I have tried to phrase things differently, explained why we're not going to do things but still nothing. To be fair to her, sometimes she does listen+we have a great time but its the times that she doesn't. I keep her as stimulated as is possible, I always have an activity to do etc+I'm always encouraging her to try/learn new things. I must admit, I wrote my first post close to tears after a full on tantrum... I'm not normally this weak I'd like to add!

Millarkie - I assume you mean she puts a marble in the jar for every time she does what she's asked etc? I will certainly give it a shot, I've only just heard of it!
Also, funny you should mention about the hearing as that had crossed my mind but I make a a point of asking her to repeat back to me what I've said as she has a habit of saying 'huh?' in a really rude way. I myself had glue ear and have slight hearing loss, had to have gromits etc. I have 'cookie' hearing or something like that?!

Do ask her parents if they can ask the health visitor to arrange a hearing check - poor hearing makes them frustrated and tired (and hence bad behaviour)..and at least you can rule it out.

The marble jar - (you could search mumsnet because it has been mentioned a lot) - from what I remember you start with 10 marbles in the jar..put a marble in for every good deed, take a marble out for extra-horrific behaviour. At end of week the number of marbles determines the prize (for older children can be 10p a marble, for a 3 year old I would guess an edible treat/sweets if she's allowed them)... recommend you search MN though - nothing worked with ds until he had grommets!