pros and cons of using an au pair?

[overthemill]

we need child care now every day after school as i am about to go back to work. thought an au pair might work out as there isn't a huge amount of care involved just after school being there and hope that one would also do light housework etc

so, if you have/have had an au pair what are the pros and cons?
we'd have to turf a child out of their bedroom and only have one bathroom so this would be a big step for us. my dh isn't keen on teh lack of privacy

Oh - I had one who just ate everything . Very expensive foodwise and annoying.

overthemill, on the pros side, babysitting on tap, emergency care when one of your dcs falls ill (so you/dh don't have to rush home from work) and holiday cover - you just have to agree with her and pay her extra. But still much much less costly than taking no pay leave. I am also going to pay my aupair to help out at dcs' upcoming birthday party. She is generally keen to take this on because she wants to save up for when she starts uni.

One bathroom is fine - just let her know. Crunch time is in the morning when all of you are rushing out of the house. You just have to work to a military schedule for the morning rush hour. I shower in the evenings. The aupair presumably showers in the day when we are out. The rest is fine.

The lack of privacy does not bother us. If you make her a part of the family, it is quite natural really. We don't really notice. With young children around, dh and I are used to having very little privacy. I prefer sanity to privacy.

Overthemill - suggest you check out old thread smoking au pair.

My au pair smoked (although she'd said she didn't), had a bf of 18 months she'd never met in China who she communed with on Skype constantly, and refused to come to the park with us on my son's fifth birthday because she had her period. And she was a vegan. Basically, she was another planet, and after a week, I had to say goodbye, and took her to her cousins with £200 guilt money from me in her pocket. I know there are success stories, and I wish I was brave enough to give it another go, but it's not an experience I'm going to repeat again!

starlady
tell us about the hiring process with smoking au pair. This is not to criticise, it's more to understand how things were different from what you expected or if there were signs but you convinced yourself all was well (I've been there and am very sympathetic.) Would just be useful from the point of view of imprvoing everyone's recruiting capabilities.

was it a question of her lying about MOST THINGS???

i've been 'offered' a romanian au pair via a friend (who used to look after my dd and is now a family friend). it is a goddaughter of her brother and she would like to come to uk. may not work out of course but at least i know the family is really lovely (met lots of them before).

now what do I need to think about - my dh has become resistent. lack of privacy an issue for him. i have got temp childcare sorted out for 2 afternoons plus cleaner and together that is £65. (using teenager to babysit basically and sep cleaner)

would an au pair be better value? and every day?

overthemill, for £65 a week pocket money, my aupair does a total of 25 hours a week of school run/childcare/housework, plus 2x evening babysitting. Of course in addition to the £65, you will be incurring the additional costs of providing her with meals, increased utility bills - I reckon that adds up to another £30-40 a week. Costs go up even more, particularly car insurance-wise, if you need the aupair to drive.

that is amazing value. do you pay language tuition costs?

overthemill, I believe that for those hours, market rate of pocket money is £55 to 70. My current aupair does not attend English lessons (swedish) but the previous one (german) did take ESOL classes run by the council at the local college - many aupairs attend these courses as they are free or subsidised. I did not pay for her lessons as she did not require me to - although it cost her £3-400 a year, she could claim it back as an EU aupair.

Just a short note to say that my new aupair scored so highly on the spelling test in the local college (her English is very good, though she makes one mistake in most sentences) that they couldn't accept her on the free course that I'd spoken to them about and that she was expecting to go to one day a week. She could do a different course but it would be around £15 a week which is much more than she wants to spend.

interesting. i looked on gumtree and other places for ideas from ads for au pairs and got the impression that you HAD to pay the tuition costs.

I am going to find out if the really sweet old lady in our road would like a lodger before taking thsi any further!

My dh is saying he's not keen because our house is too small - we have 4 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, second loo. one kitchen/diner (quite big imo) and a big sitting room. Plus an 'outside' heated all- year- round- summerhouse with 2 rooms and a loft where the kids all hang out. We have 3 kids: 1 dsd 15, 1 dss 12 who are here 3 nights/week and 1 dd 9 who is here all the time. I think we have plenty of room!!!

overthemill, check our your local colleges. The ESOL courses might even be free or your aupair can reclaim the costs. Personally, if my aupair could not reclaim the costs, I would be happy to consider subsidising her language courses (IF she was good). If not, I would keep stum. On that basis, I don't offer to pay upfront. If your aupair is fresh off-the-boat, they usually only set up their language courses on arrival and that is when talk about fees start - a few weeks after she arrives. By that time, you will know if you have a keeper or a dud.

BTW, that is plenty of room. Our setup is very similar (2 children). My aupair explained that she liked the fact that the house was not too big (!) because she gets to feel like she is part of the family. She was explaining how other aupairs had their own rooms and bathrooms and ended up going to their room when the family was home and ended up feeling isolated and lonely. The key with an aupair is that she is here on her own, she also wants a little company and interaction with the family (but ideally she will make her own friends soon) and you will actually gell, appreciate and motivate her more if you include her in family life, rather than try to think about it in terms of privacy.

You could get an aupair in for 6 months and see how it goes. My dh was concerned about privacy as well but once the aupair arrived, he did not really notice the loss. I guess it was that or me being stressed and he chose the former.

i put a speculative ad on local gumtree and have had three replies today! One is here already very near staying with friends hoping to get her second au pair job (following summer one).

I am really keen to see her and have explained we don't have big house etc.

best thing is she's french which is what i wanted - dsd is 'g&T' in languages and we wanted to get converstaion classes anyway.

now, what do i ask her and HOW do I persuade my dh that it will be ok -

i love a crowd, more the merrier for me and think of all that free babysitting! please give me ideas

Oh just tell your dh that he has to help out with the schoolrun or do more housework if you don't have an aupair. Plus emphasise the babysitting on tap. The Sunday morning where the aupair takes the children out to the softplay ... is what does it for my dh.

He will come round .

'Babysitting on tap' - I don't think so. You can't expect the aupair to babysit whenever you feel like going out. These things generally have to be prearranged!

Also, have you thought about hiring a student from a local university or college. They are generally in need of a part time job. This way, you don't have to share your house