Hubby says we need an au pair and I don't know where to start!

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

Help!!

Squeaky
Yes we actually would consider the lodger route for a bit. We could always give notice in a civilised way (have built in excuse, sorry we need the space for a nanny.) Whereas aspects of our track record with nannies is appalling, it scares me to have live in childcare. I hate confrontation and the thought of sacking one or having to have serious 'chats' and then look at them over the dinner table scares me.

SQUIFFYHOCK, id join your agency , my family live near by but don't wish to see my two children ,but that's another story.

I'm a experienced nanny(28years of childcare experience) who after having my second child (13 years ago ) ,i have been doing occassionaly nanny work ,more along the lines of the helping family out type of work .I need to work to keep myself from becoming to bored at home , but can't work full time beacuse my son has special needs and holiday care is impossible.
I help with the childcare ,but i can also help around the house.Being slightly older i dont mind mucking in and after having children of my own nearly always know what needs doing and when .
INMGBSLM, where do you live?

For those of you looking for a "surrogate mother" - I think they do exist as my mother has a lady like this who comes in and does cleaning/shopping/ironing/childcare/old person care on a temporary basis for new mothers/ill people. My mother found her by advertising in the local classified freebie.

However, you will have to pay over the odds and treat that person very well indeed.

imnotmmag - why does hubby want an ap? What do you want? Some help with childcare or more stuff to do with the house, ie washing,cleaning and ironing? as nick said, you want housework get a cleaner,you want help with children then employ a nanny, if you want both, then you might be better off with a mothers help

most mothers manage both quite easily. isn't it fairer to say that most nannies are unwilling to do housework?

Bossykate - yes most preofessional qualified nannies DONT want to to housework, we went to college, trained in our chosen career - which is to love,educate,play and take care of children when the parents are not around -

I didnt train for two years to clean someones toilet - bad enough I have to clean mine after hubby

Anna, that position is known as a Mother's Help - and you are right, they are expensive (similar to nanny rates)

Yes, I think that you can find anyone to do any job providing you pay decent rates commensurate with the skills needed for the job you have on offer, and treat the person well.

So many au pairs are exploited

I just need an extra pair of hands. I cetainly would not expect any cleaning.

Why wouldn't you want any cleaning, I'm just nosey interested to know? Squeekypop, our au pairs clean bathrooms. One agency stipulated that au pairs weren't maids and shouldn't clean the whole house. The irony of that was that the AP we got through them soon found herself several cleaning jobs where, guess what? She cleaned other peoples' whole houses and of course I was housing her, feeding her...

The other point I wanted to make was that if only it was that easy to know from the minute they walk through the door that it's not gonna work. It's my experience and one other mumsnetters seem to share, that we deliberate long & hard about AIBU, what's to be expected etc. If you get on with the AP, you're a lot more forgiving about their mistakes.

I can clean myself and I wouldn't feel comfortable having a cleaner. Anyway it is all irrelevant now as I have decided it isn't for me.

you have decided having an ap isnt for you - as in someone living in your house all the time? or that you dont want any help at all?

We don't really have the room for live in as DS1 and 2 would have to share a room.

I am not sure how we could afford it when we live month by month as it is.

I would be a rubbish boss I think.

if you want help at no cost, how about asking your local college, and you could be a family placement for a training nanny?

My friend did this as she had twins of 2 and a new baby, and the extra pair of hands she said was fab

I have tried Au Pair world and get lots of initial interest then after I have called them and emailed them with local english colleges and friendly information they say they have accepted another family! Was offering £65 now going to £70 plus travel card. Is it the wages, or me?

Bruin - that's quite usual in my experience. I send a standard 'first' email that sets out as much relevant info as I can about the area, job and pay to try to weed out those who are not interested asap. (I did have a webpage set up with all the info and photos which worked well).
We lose our 'candidates' to 'London' (we live in a village an hour away from London)

There is an excellent article on www.findababysitter.com on interviewing and screeening nannies/au-pairs. Interviewing nannies for beginners

You can also find local nannies/au-pairs and babysitters for free.

this site also allows free job postings