Activities for nanny with toddler and new baby

[Uwila]

I have a nanny who looks after my toddler (who will be 2 yrs old in March). Last night we discussed a bit about how their days will change when number 2 comes along at the end of May. They currently go to Tumble Tots, Swimming lessons, and Jo Jingles. Nanny feels that she can not do this with a baby and a toddler and has requested that they give up activities until DD (the toddler) is old enough to go to these activities without parent/carer assistance.

I wonder if any one else has a full time nanny with similar ages. Have you found any activities that are suitable for them both to go to where nanny can actually look after two at once? Or do they stay home all day? I don't really like the idea of them staying home all day because nanny isn't very good at communicating with me what they have done. So, when they are signed up for activities at least I can keep up with what activities they are doing some of the time. I've thought that local toddler groups would be a possibility. But, I really would like DD to have a more physical activity (i.e. gymnastics).

I am also submitting a petition to work for flexible working where I can have Fridays off. So I may be able to pick up at least one activity with toddler on Fridays.

Sorry I might be missing something here but won't you be on maternity leave anyway? Or are you talking about what happens when you go back to work leaving nanny in sole charge of them both? (in which case my advice is wait and see as a lot can change in 6 months!!)

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Yes, the problem arises when I return to work, which sadly enough will be 2 not 6 months after the birth. Whilst I am home these things can of course continue.

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I don't hink it's without adult assistance at all. Just unitl she doesn't have to follow her around tumble tots or get into the pool with her. I'm going to go with what the activitiy leaders tell me. If Jo Jingle write back and say he is welcome, then that's it. Nanny has to go. It is of course in their interest to say yes because if they don't they will have lost a paying customer.

By the way, thank you everyone for your input. I really do want to treat nanny fairly. But, at the same time, my prioroity must be what is best for my children, not what is convenient for my nanny. So this thread is very helpful in sorting out where to draw the line between good for kids and treating nanny fairly.

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I guess one of the issues is that your DD1 will still need to use a stroller, which means that nanny would have to use a double buggy (that alone would put me off multiple activities a week )

What were you planning on doing in terms of strollers? Your DD is right on the edge of getting by without, but not if it involves long walks and energetic actvities.

Maybe your nanny is thinking ahead about this particular practicality.

Ah, the double buggy vs. buggyboard debate. I have discussed this with her previously (so it isn't the issue). We are getting a Maclaren Techno Classic. Whilst DS is small enough for nanny to strap him into the Baby Bjorn, DD will go into pushchair. Then when DS gets too big, he will go into pushchair and DD will be evicted around back onto a buggyboard thingy (the buggy board is actually a two step variety so she can either turn round and sit or she can climb up to second step to see over pram. I understand that toddler being able to see over pram is key to them staying on the buggyboard.

Now, in the back of my mind, I realise this plan may be a bit ambitioud for a toddler who will be 26 months when DS comes along. If the plan fails, I will have find a cheap used twin pram on e-bay. I am hoping to avoid this though because nanny doesn't drive, and I couldn't expect her to get onto the train with a twin pram. So, hopefully the buggyboard will work out.

I havent had time to read the other posts but your nanny doesnt sound very capable if you ask me! I was a nanny and had twins and a 14month old and did everything! Maybe not swimming but TT is fine and storytime at library and toddler groups would be OK too.

Why on earth would she want to stay home all the time? Especially if you are there as well. (I used to hate maternity leave when employer was there as well as I didnt think I could sit and drink coffee and watch This Morning without feeling guilty!!)

I meant swmimming with all the family when the baby came, your pregnancy wouldn't stop you nanny going swimming with your daughter. Its one of the things I really enjoy doing together.

Under-fives library groups and drop-in centres? Get in touch with your council and find out about local children's groups. Are you in a Sure Start catchment area? They do loads of things, too. Your health clinic might advertise things for small children in your area--check there.

As for the communication issue between you and the nanny. I remember from another thread that she's unwilling to write a journal of activities, which I suppose is her prerogative. But what about a 5-minute chat during takeover. I ask a few v. brief, key questions, "Did they eat well? Were they naughty? " and I get the answer to those questions and then I take over and nanny is finished for the day.

When my dd2 came, dd1 was 2 years and 4 months. I took a lot of care to make sure that nothing changed drastically for dd1, and so far they still love each other 2 years on. I think you are right to think this out now, and get dd settled into her routine whatever it will be soon-if she really loves those activities, suddenly stopping them might be squarely blamed by her on the newcomer, who is already monpolising mummy as well!. This was a good age for my dd1 to get her sib, so I hope you are as lucky. She LOVED showing her baby off.

Now I've read most of this thread, I think nanny is being a little wimpy, but probably one or two activities is enough-you should discuss this issue with the people running these things, so you can say, see, everyone else brings their baby. She might be thinking of the younger babies needs and not want his feeds/sleeps disrupted. The swimming pool we used officially didn't approve of babies at the side, but it depended who was on duty and some did bring them- you need to see it yourself at the actual time, or enlist a spy. And what about baby? Mine went to Aquababies from a few weeks (mainly on Sat with me and DH) and loved it. There are also very supportive float thingies that you can park either of them in for a while, but still need two adults I'm afraid-but maybe you could hire an additional person, maybe someone training in lifesaving, or even a swim instructor, for a half hour? just an idea

oh and even though dd1 is in school and takes real lessons (without parent in pool), it will be years before I would dream of having her swim without a carer in the pool, and it's not allowed either.

I mean, after the 20 minute lesson on saturday with the instructor, she wants to swim more "freestyle"-at the moment dh puts float vess on both (age 2 and 4) and they go while I cheer from the side and hold the towels.

Uwila - if you go for the first two months with her - maybe the Nanny will build up the confidence to go on her own with them once she know how the land lies? I kind of understand her position - I've been nowhere since my ds (9mo) was born - cos' I'm a wimp - but if someone 'started me off' I might be a bit more confident. Maybe she is just ultra consciencous, and is just worried that she won't be able to cope? Best of luck - I feel for you!

But a nanny should be able to cope with more than one child, right?

Library groups are a good idea. I'll try that. I think that we'll let swimming go for now. And,I'll schedule some Toddler Groups, Library groups (this will be good especially for DD as I think it will be a benefit for her to hear people reading in English with English accents). I'll try for Gymnastic on Friday (if my flexible working request is approved -- fingers crossed!), And, maybe Jo Jingles will say that baby is welcome. That should actually still keep them pretty busy.

Ah, the diary. Yes, this was a sticking point a while back. I gave in and let her have her request to fill me in verbally when I get home. The trouble is, she doesn't really to this. As soon as I walk in the door she walks up to her room. I have to go up and talk to her and I get very specific answers like:

me: Did she eat well?
nanny: yes.
me: What did you do today?
nanny: We went to park and then home

It's not really the level of detail I'm looking for. And, I have to go up to her room and bother her to get this information at all. I don't like having to do this. It is her job to inform me, not mine to go drag it out of her.

Anyway, when DS is born, as we have already agreed, she will not have to do any housework (except those things associated with children like their laundry and keeping their room tidy)... oh and probably she'll still have to keep the kitchen clean. So, in return for removing these duties I am planning to require the diary. I want to know things like what they eat, when they eat, if they've been ill, and so on. I tried her way, and it hasn't worked.

Don't you already tell your nanny beforehand what you want DD to eat each day (and buy the food)? Or is it that you want to how much of her lunch she has eaten and how much ended up in the garbage?

When I used a childminder, she used to tell me at pickup time what DSs had for lunch and how much they ate. It was nice to know, especially if there were any likes/dislikes.

You are scheduling quite a lot of stuff, Uwila. I don't know what others think, but perhaps your nanny thinks so too and she is using the new baby as an excuse to cut back.

I know I should probably do more with my DD (2y9m) but I am old and decrepit now . She goes to a toddler group once a week (which I happen to run), and she is in a crèche (which she loves) while I am doing a women's activity. Other than that, she just accompanies me on whatever I am doing.

No, Ameriscot, it's not quite like that. I do buy the food. But, nanny selects what she eats, prepares it, feeds her, and cleans up. The routine is that I get up at 5:30, take a shower, get DD up at 6:00 when I give her a sippy cup of milk. Nanny comes on duty at 7:00 and I leave for work. NAnny prepares all meals and feeds DD. WhenI get home from work at 7:00pm, DD has eaten dinner, had her bath and is in her pyjamas. I then hang out with her for about an hour and give her another cup of milk, and off to bed she goes at 8:00.

So, the only way I really know what Hannah has to eat is by doing a check on the contents of the fridge. It;s becoming a real sore point with me. I think I am well within my right to know what she eats, and dictate it if I feel like it. However, I should add that nanny's views on nutrition and eating are fantastic. So, I do believe that DD has a nutritious diet. But, I want to know what exactly she eats.

It's only one activity per day. Do you think that's a lot? Oh, and Mondays are free.

TBh I loved getting out and about with my two after DD was born. It was so much harder to entertain both stuck at home all day so going out was a must for us.

We did have a problem with swimming because DD didn't like it in her carseat on the side - think it was too warm even though I undressed her to her nappy. In fact I did this and then put her in the car seat in her nappy, covered her in a blanket and took her for a quick spin to get her to sleep! But still not v. successful. Once she got to a point where she could hold her head well enough I started taking them both in together and putting DD into a floating baby seat - needed this for part of the session because DS was clingy (jealous I think). Before this I had been taking DD on her own while DS was at nursery. Now that DD is 9 months I take them both together and don't really need to use a baby seat. But think this might be a bit much to ask of a nanny.

Definitely think you are in your rights Uwila about the food. And no I don't think that is an excessive amount of activities really.

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