advice needed re childminder - please help , feel uneasy!

[lovebeingmum]

hi all

due to return to work in October and have reluctantly been looking at childminders and nurseries. Thought I'd found a nice child minder and went to sign on with her tonight.

The house is messy - but looked at this as a sign the kids get the focus but thought she seemed kindly and would let him have fun. However, sat waiting to meet the childminder to sign up and her 5 year old daughter was chatting away to me and casually mentioned to me her Daddy picks up the babies by their arms and make them cry. When I suggested to her little girl that maybe she meant he picked her up by under their arms she said no, he picks them up by their arms and hurts them, making them cry and squeezes really hard I'm aghast - what should I do? Put severe doubts in my mind now, should I listen to a 5 year old. Common sense said no but stomach is churning...what should i do?

messy house isn't good, but you really can't take the word of a 5yo. what structure does cm have in place, planned outings etc? how old is your child/ren?

OMG

TRUST YOUR GUT INSTICT!! Walk away. You will never get rid of the doubt in your mind again even if there is no problem.

I was in your shoes with CM for DS1, woman in her 50s, also minded own granddaughter, I was not too happy that she smoked, but she assured me she only smoked in the garden, however I just did not gel with her. I told her no, although I only had another month or so to go to my return to work and was getting really stressed about it.

Stroke of luck, found lovely CM, DS1,2,3 all happy with her and have been with same family for 5 years.

IMO, walk away and do not look back.

CM seemed to have structured week in place - showed scrap book of outings and talked through visits to baby clubs each week.

DS will only be 6 months which is why I'm so worried - he can't tell me if he's being badly treated ...

Ask the CM what he daughter meant in a jokey way somehow? What does the CM's OFSTED report say?

ok is there anything else which is making you unhappy re cm? 6m back to work grim and sad for you, so must make sure you are happy with arrangements.

what the 5yo is saying must be nonsense, how can the daddy be swinging babies around and squeezing them!? is he assistant to cm? is he there at all? there can't be oodles of babies either, just one or two??

Dad has been there on each visit I have made helping out with grandchildren. CM looks after two toddlers also.

5yo also said she had the lounge to herself all day today and babies were playing on stairs so she didn't have to listen to them whinge! There is a recess on their staircase with shelves fully of books etc..

Ofsted report came back as good. One complaint has been made in the past but no action or negative outcome for CM - asked CM about this and she gave explaianation in line with what is lisetd in the report - seemed plausible and CM seemed comfortable talking about situation.

Really wanted to give CM benefit of doubt as first impression was warm and kindly

I agree: go with your instincts. If there is ANYTHING you do not like then don't send your child there. This CM may well be the best thing for other kids, but your reservations tell you that she is not. Even if the 5 yo is not telling the truth, you still seem to have doubts.

You will know 100% when you find the right person. You will not have to try to make it work!

That all sounds a bit strange how long were you talking to 5yr old for? If u have any doubts I wouldn't go with that CM go and meet some others there are some fab CM around.
Always go with your gut instinct you know who is right for you and your kids, Also I think you should ring Ofsted and report your concerns, always better to be safe than sorry.

HI all

thanks for your help on this . Have phoned the CM today and said that I have changed my mind about using a CM - couldn't face going into detail - chicken's way out I know but thought it best as live in a small neighbourhood and didn't want to slur her reputation. Thanks again!

i think that is fair enough, you don't need to tell her why. are there other nice cms for you to see, or are you a bit stuck now?

wether there be any 'truth' in what she said, i would be more worried about the terminology she used "she couldnt hear them winge etc..shes got to ahve heard that somewhere???
glad you chose not to go TBH, have a look round, some of us are much nicer you knwo