Am i being paranoid?

[navyeyelasH]

Hey everyone bit of advice here please:

Started looking after a new family today 2 Lo's 14 months and 4 years. Great day together out and about as it has been warm and dry, got home this afternoon and got the play doh out.

Anyway dad came home from work (entering from the back door if that is important but I think in mind I have blown it all up so prob not important to impartial people)and as he was coming in through the door their youngest was "crying", she had spilt water on her leg (she had water rather than play doh) and I was drying her leg hence the grumbly crying - not real I'm hungry, wet, etc crying if you know what I mean.

Now I am quite sort of straightforward with children even babies and I always talk to them. So I was saying to the younger one (as dad was walking through the door) "what is it X, I can't understand when your grizziling, show me show me what is it, is it the water let me dry you off" (obviously I know she isn't going to come out with "please dry my leg" etc I just find it helps their speech if you talk, and also eventually the will learn not to shout/grizzle but to point and eventually talk etc) in a slightly higher then normally jolly voice.

Dad came in, offered to put younger one to bed (wasn't that tired really and mum asked me not to put down after 3pm - had a 1hr 15 min nap lunchtime which is usual), younger one didn't want to go to bed after bit of hassle so dad said going to take her with him while he picks up another son from nursery, he also asked if the older one would like to come too (which would have left me in house on own), eldest said "no want to stay with navy".

When dad came back sent me home early, even though LO picked up from nursery was screaming because he didn't get to play with me. Now am I being really paranoid thinking that he thinks I was speaking to his youngest in an impatient tone, and wanted to take them both away from me because I was so mean or do you think he just wanted to be a bit nice on my first day?

I'm a bit upset sitting here thinking anyone could think I would ever be anything even near mean esp when it comes to children. What do you think am I just reading too much into it? Sounds stupid now I have written it down!

Any advice other than speak to him?!

I think you are worrying over nothing tbh.

It doesn't need mentioning. If he brings it up, just explain what you were trying to do.

Mentioning the back door sounds like you felt sneaked up on.

What sort of 'tone' did you use. If it was quite stern, you may not be being paranoid.

I definitely didn't feel like dad snuck up on me and if he hadn't of offered to take both children away 1 hour before I finished this wouldn't even be on my mind.

Even if Dad was sneaking up on me that's cool, at the end of the day I'm their new nanny and I'm being trusted with their children so it's understandable if he did sneak up on me. The reason I mentioned the door was because he appeared at the exact moment I was saying this, then tried to whisk them both away. Or that is how it seems.

It might just be something simple like he wanted to let me leave early as is first day, taking both to nursery collection would have meant letting me leave 1 hour early which of course is a lovely thing to do. I am probably being over sensitive but I take my job very seriously and wouldn't ever want any person to think badly of me!

It's hard to know isn't it. But I would say, it's the first day, dad has come home early and wants to take over. That's fine. Lets you get on with other things, or even go home early.
See how it goes over the next few days. It is hard on everyone when you start a new job (I know, all too well having recently started a new nanny job). Have regular discussions with parents to check that they are happy with the care you provide - encourage them to raise even the smallest minor issue, as those can often be quickly resolved and saves it blowing up to a major issue later on.

Do you know who was primary carer before you started? Perhaps dad was doing a lot of the childcare, and thus he got home early to spend time with his children which he is missing now that he's going out to work. Just a thought.

Love2Bake I would say that it was a jolly tone - but then it's all down to the individual isn't it really. I would say jolly, but instructive tone; if that makes any sense? So higher sing songy voice but still firm as I have been trying to show the youngest that screaming isn't the best way to go about getting a snack etc and to be fair I did feel like it was effective as compared to morning afternoons screams were down to a low.

But then on the flip side, surely if he thought his children were in any danger, he would have just A) fobbed me off with going home early & taken all LO's to nursery pick up B) told me where to stick it and marched me out.

I think that I just think too much - too much reflection!

Nannynick - good thinking, I love your style! Mum was primary Carer and it was her first day back today (we made her a cute card!), dad works quite long hours, from home.

Maybe he let me go early to keep me sweet as it sound like I wont finish at normal time often?

I think it's a great idea nick to encourage the parents to bring up anything that they want to talk about - I will mention it to them that I'm not going to run screaming and stomping from the house if they would rather I do something a different way etc. Thanks everyone for the great words this far, v much appreciated!

Sounds fine then - you probably are just worrying about nothing.

When you start nanny jobs, do you go through behaviour policies with the parents? Just wondered - I am a CM and I give all my parents policies on stuff like that.

ps. nannynick hope the job is going well for you xx

Love2Bake hmmm I personally do not hand out such a policy. I talk to the parents about what they do etc and adopt the same style in most cases (but I don't work for parents who would like me to smack); sometimes parents agree to do things my way if I find they work better and do not confuse LO's but I don't have like, a policy.

Would you be able to email me yours / an example of one? I am v cheeky aren't I? Just to see what it's about and if I could incorporate it into care for other families as it does sound like a fab idea! Addy is [email protected]

Oh also forgot to mention dad was still lovely, polite and chatty - not rude or anything!

If you go to the NCMA website, they have all the policies on there that you can download.

I downloaded mine from there and then just adapted it, to suit my setting.

No, I find that parents may mention about disciplinary methods, how they handle things and what they find works/hasn't worked, if a child is easily upset by something, at interview but not often after that.

Navy - thanks, new job seems to be going well. Just had a week off (as I had booked holiday, before I took the job) so looking forward to going back next week.

great thanks ever so much love2bake!

no probs

navy - said just the kind of thing that I would have said, regards spilt water

i think the dad was just being nice and trying to be helpful esp if 14mth was getting grumpy (dads dont sometimes think )and didnt reliese that other child at nursery would want to play with you as had been at nursery all day

sure if the dad DID have a problem with you, then he would of said something or would have taken both children with him to pick up no 3, rather than asking no 2 if they wanted to go with him - iyswim

NCMA: Sample Behaviour Policy
Bromley CMA policies

thanks for your help and advice everyone seems iamnanny hit the nail on the head. Mum phoned dad to tell him as he had some time off work would be nice to let me go early ad that's all it was to it! It was just the, "I'm home, goodbye navy'ness", of it all that had me worried but iamnanny is right dad didn't think plus I over think !

Dad over paid me so just called them to say and mentioned situation to mum in a, "this happened but dad wasn't rude it's probably just me" sort of way" (couldn't help it!) & she completely understood why I might think it and I also used the opportunity to tell her to mention anything to me in future that I'm not a pre-Madonna etc

She also said she hasn't been worried about them one bit in work even though first time in 4 yeas she has left them which I thought was very nice; so happiness all round here

Thanks again everyone!

Good to hear it's all worked out.
Dad over paid you? Are you getting paid daily? Interesting arrangement, but hey whatever works.

yah - I was right

glad all was ok - they sound a nice family to work for x

Nannynick - I only do one day a week, so I get paid weekly with payslip etc. Payslip said X but money in envelope said Y.

iamnanny yup they seem really lovely that's why I was a bit like, "eekk I don't want this to go pete tong!"

Thanks all once again.