Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

posted on here as most of you know my (dmo) niece

26 replies

dmo · 02/07/2008 21:32

hi
most of you know my niece aged 2 was born with cp, she is blind has fits and is diabetic because she was staved of oxgean at birth. she is forever in hospital on drips etc as they cant keep her sugers sable.
my sister is 19 now and is preg with baby number 2
anyway she went for her 20week scan last week and they found something wrong with the baby she had lots of test and got the results back today.
when she first got preg she got a cold that knocked her off her feet, the baby caught the virus and because my sister had never had this virus before and had no antibodies the baby took the brunt of it.
the doctors today told my sister the baby has brain damage and may be blind and deaf.
they have given my sister 2 days to decide what she wants to do.
if she decides in the next 2 days she doensnt want the baby she will be given tablets to stop the babys heart and then will have to give birth but has been told the baby may not be dead but they will not help it if it is born breathing.
if she decides in the next 2 weeks she doesnt want the baby she will be given an injection which stops the babys heart then will have to give birth.
if she decided to keep the baby the baby may not surv the birth but if it does will be poorly.
feel so sad she has had rottern luck and she really has no idea what to do

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LoveMyGirls · 02/07/2008 21:36

OMG thats so shocking, what an awful situation to be in.

I don't know what to say. Only she can make that decision but what a decision to have to make

lindseyfox · 02/07/2008 21:41

i wouldnt want to be her making that decision i suppose she has to look at the quality of life her current ill child has and does she want this for another child. She is only young herself and can she cope with another sick disabled child,does she have the neccessary support, what would she do when one, both of them in hospital.

these are not my own personal opionions just questions she may need to consider.

really cant offer an opinion as dont know what to say.

Original poster

dmo · 02/07/2008 21:41

i'm not telling her anything just listening to her it has to be her decision (and her boyfriends) just feel so sad for her

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 02/07/2008 21:42

Your poor sister. How accurate can they be antenatally? Have they been able to tell her?

Thoughts are with her.

LoveMyGirls · 02/07/2008 21:43

If the baby were blind and deaf I think i'd be more inclined to say carry on and hope for the best but if the baby is definitiely brain damaged then their quality of life is going to be so so limited, omg this is so awful with her age and the level of care her 2yr old needs it may be unfair for her to carry on with this pregnancy but how, how can you give the go ahead to take those tablets I'm not sure I could do it the other option is to try and care for 2 children that both need a lot of care, the 2nd child I would think will be wheelchair bound, she will need carers to help her etc its such a lot to take on, but at 19, does she have a partner/ husband?

So sorry for you and your sister dmo wish there was more I could say, something positive i could say

Original poster

dmo · 02/07/2008 21:44

i have thought the same (bout being in hosp) i am very willing to have my niece anytime but i do work and am so worried in the night as her sugers are all over.
our mum is fab support but there is only so much one can do
i keep pretending i'm in her shoes but i cant
the decision she makes will be the best for her and her family

OP posts:

lulumama · 02/07/2008 21:46

she needs some specialist help with this decision. is she local? what hospital is she under?

www.arc-uk.org/ is an excellent resource

Original poster

dmo · 02/07/2008 21:47

LMG my niece (who is 2) is wheel chair bound she has very bad cp cant use her arms or legs at all but when she has a good day has the sweetest smile ever

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 02/07/2008 21:51

Sorry dmo I didnt realise the extent of your neices situation.

I really feel for you and your sister.

Sweet smiles are great!!

Original poster

dmo · 02/07/2008 21:54

fab wetsite i have forwarded to my sister and mum
thanks

OP posts:

lulumama · 02/07/2008 21:55

i hope that she makes the right decision for her and her family and not based on anyone else's needs right now. a terrible decision to make, there will be no great outcome either way. a difficult time all round.

NineYearsOfNappies · 02/07/2008 23:15

I have 2 dds with profound disabilities and yes, life is hard. But it's also rich and sweet and deep. I'm single, I do get help from SS, and we all three of us have a good life I reckon.

It's her decision and has to be, but I just wanted to say that living with 2 children with different disabilities isn't necessarily the end of the world - my girls are fabulous and my life is good I think.

northender · 02/07/2008 23:18

Haven't any words of wisdom but really sorry to hear that dmo.

1dilemma · 03/07/2008 00:30

dmo so sorry to hear that about your sister, what an awful decision.
my thoughts will be with her.

imananny · 03/07/2008 10:20

your poor sister and to have to make that choice, my heart goes out to her (hug)

how sure can the doctors be with the brain damage, tests have be known to be wrong

2 children with severe disabilies will be very hard, but with love and support from you/her boyfriend/family then it is possible BUT a lot to cope with esp at 19, and could be unfair to dd1

and if she does decide not to go ahead with the pregnacy, to have to go and give birth to her baby will be heart breaking, knowing she will be dead or dying

and sweet smiles are fantastic xxxx

Original poster

dmo · 03/07/2008 22:03

she has decided to keep the baby she thinks everything happens for a reason and what will be will be

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 03/07/2008 22:10

Oh DMO! What an awful decision to have to make, but good for her. I think I'd be the same actually. What will be, will be. As others on this thread have said, life will be tough, but so, so rewarding at the same time. Much love to your sister.

Is it not time she was brought into the ample bossom of MN? There sure is a lot of support for her on here.

Original poster

dmo · 03/07/2008 22:16

i have told her but she never has time will tell her again

OP posts:

1dilemma · 03/07/2008 23:52

Came back to see how she was getting on, pleased for her (in a totally non-judgemental way had she or others in similar situation done the opposite of course.)
Have heard of cases where the estimate of disability was very overestimated so I will be hoping this will be the result for her. I'm guessing this will be a Christmas baby how wonderful.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/07/2008 23:55

Bless them, dmo, and you too

PinkChick · 04/07/2008 09:45

Aw DMO just caught this chick, your family have been through so much, i know she will be able to do this and im sure will love this baby as much as her first..i just hope theyre totally wrong..my best wishes to them all.xxx

imananny · 04/07/2008 11:53

what a hard decision your sister has had to make, but good for her for continuing - lets hope that the doctors and scans are wrong xx

Original poster

dmo · 04/07/2008 11:57

she will be having weekly scans and test to make sure the baby isnt getting any worst
the baby is due on bonfire night

OP posts:

imananny · 04/07/2008 12:21

if the scans do show up worse, will she continue? if yes, then not sure if I would want the scans,as they might be wrong and just see what happens iykwim

Original poster

dmo · 04/07/2008 12:47

no if the baby gets worst she will re-think

OP posts:

Flip

1 2