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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Nanny employer poll: How young is too young for a full time live-in nanny?

49 replies

AtheneNoctua · 01/07/2008 17:26

Kids are 3 and 5.
The hours are long (6:30-7:00, M-F) plus two night babysitting.
5 yr old is in school full time. 3 yr old will be in nursery in the afternoons (2 1/2 hrs M-F)
The job begins in September so she won't have to do summer hols. But, she will do half terms and any other unplanned days away from school.

I just ask because I'm starting to look through Greataupair for potential candidates and a few 19 year olds looked like possibilities. But, then I wondered if 19 was too young... what about 18.. 17...

What does the MN jury think?

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Anna8888 · 02/07/2008 08:55

All those tasks/errands you mention ought to be perfectly within the scope of a mature 17/18 year old - I do think they are "big sister" tasks.

"Second mother" nannies are the ones who actually know about all the activities that a child could do and initiate the discussion with the mother as to what the child should be doing etc - you'd hate that, and so would I but I know mothers who love that kind of nanny.

AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 09:00

missiesparkles, I share your at the parents. But I'm more shocked at the thought of not calling to check on the 16 week old baby than the fact that they left her/him with a 19 year old.

I can understand that there may have been personal problems and the parent maybe needed that time together (I vaguely remember nannyl telling the story on a previous thread). But, I can not understand not even calling to check how things were?

Anyway, I'm hijacking my own thread. Must stop.

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AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 09:03

Oh, actually, I would welcome suggstions and feedback on "DS is really good at x and I think he should be doing that even if it means giving up y".

In fact current nanny recently suggested that DS would probably prefer swimming to tennis. I can't know this because I don't take him to either class. I still like to make the decision I suppose. But, I was quite happy to say okay sounds like a good idea. And he will drop tennis for swimming in September. (which was sor of a foregone conclusion anyway because tennis doesn't coordinate with his school schedule in Sept.)

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Anna8888 · 02/07/2008 09:07

You might get that with a 17/18 year old - and there is no guarantee you will get it with a 22 year old. More likely if the nanny has plenty of younger siblings (probably more of a determinant than age).

AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 09:17

Yeah, that's probably true.

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jura · 02/07/2008 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueshoes · 02/07/2008 13:50

Hi Athene, some thoughts.

I assume you are getting an aupair (hence the age concern), rather than a young nanny.

You have to ensure her level of English is high. Otherwise it will be difficult for you to give instructions to her whilst flying out the door or call her to give instructions over the phone.

That usually means an aupair from Western Europe, North America or the Antipodes. But such an aupair is likely to want to have a social life and could possibly baulk at the long hours. Having said that, I know of (German) aupairs who work for a particular family who use them for nannying duties whilst both parents are out at work all day (doctors). So they are out there, you will have to pay more, give perks and ensure their weekends and Friday nights are sacred.

At the risk of huge generalisation, I think Eastern Europeans could be keener on longer hours because that comes with more pay. And possibly less focused on having a good time. But they are usually here to improve their conversational English - so English is generally of lower standard.

Your best bet is to get an Eastern European aupair who has previous aupair experience in the UK or an English-speaking country. That is good too, for references.

I have a mature and sensible 19/20 year German aupair with good English. She is fab and will register my instructions that I throw at her on my way out the door. I have never used her for this but I think it would be a push to expect her to arrange holiday care and playdates beyond her meeting up with a few aupair friends in the park on an ad hoc basis.

She does what I tell her to do to a T but rarely beyond.

It sounds too much like an organisational nanny role if you expect her to open school bags, update you on school activities, ensure dcs are in the right clothing/have the right books for the right day, call up holiday camps and book them, call other parents to arrange long-dated playdates.

I am sure the right girl will do it but it is bit of alien territory for an aupair's skill sets. It could work if on the day before and the day itself, you remind her. But to rely on her to keep the calendar and buy that fancy dress in time for the play or make the poster for the school fare without prompting is a bit risky.

But then again, you might not be intending for her to take on those level of duties.

If you want a 'nanny-like' aupair, it becomes a bit strange if she is also asked to do general non-child-related cleaning and housework, which an aupair is generally expected to do. Different skill set.

Also consider the fact that aupairs tend to be a bit hit-and-miss in terms of finding the right girl. Even if you found the right one they don't tend to stay long term, hence revolving door. I would be quite wary about relying too much on an aupair to be anything other than an extra pair of hands around the house.

blueshoes · 02/07/2008 13:50

sorry for the long post

AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 14:10

Blueshoes, I'm so sorry. You have typed so much, but gone down the wrong path. I'm looking for a nanny. I did write "nanny" in the thread title.

In January 2010, I'll be looking for an au pair and promise to com back and read all your lovely advice.

I suppose my requirement is somewhere between nanny and au pair. But, I think it's still closer to nanny. I'm not terribly fussed about baby experience. But, she will still be providing the bulk of Ds' care and it needs to be quality care for my precious boy. For example, current nanny needs to conquer potty training in August. I need someone who can tackle these things for me whilst I'm at work.

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AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 14:12

Oh, and I also need someone who can do 3 or 4 days of round the clock if DH and I are both called away to travel for work (which happens about 3 or 4 times a year).

So, this is probably my final nanny hunt.

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blueshoes · 02/07/2008 14:22

ah, no worries. I got confused when you mentioned GreatAupair. Good luck with the hunt.

Anna8888 · 02/07/2008 14:47

Athene - if your nanny is going to do occasional 24 hour duty, she had better be over 18 - or what would happen in an emergency when she has to take the children to hospital and give consent to an operation?

AtheneNoctua · 02/07/2008 16:17

That's a good point. But I'm not going to hire a 17 year old. I'm pondering whether I would do 19 rather than 20 or 21. I seem to have a mental block about anything in "teens".

Anyway, thanks everyone for your comments.

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nannyL · 02/07/2008 20:30

just read the posts

yes i was 19 (not 16) and drove and had a driving license

the children knew me very very well and i had been on holiday with the children and MB for 3 weeks, just 3 weeks before

sad to say but i cared for that child during his waking hours more than his mum in his first few months of life....

but i LOVED it... we were all fine (as MB knew we would be) and i agree that i was a very sensible mature 19 year old and it was all fine.

(I took them to visit grandparenst at the weekends)

Wont say any more other than it was for personal reasons that they wanted no contact.... I KNOW it was the right decision for them and their family at the time, and the baby knew me at least as well as his own mother anyway, and being 16 -18 weeks, so long as the fed and cuddled they dont really care who does it!

8 years on i still know the "children" / family very very well, and the eldest has just done his GCSE's! (OMG how to make me feel old! lol)

nannyL · 02/07/2008 20:33

as for not calling.... the deal was only call if there was a major problem.... which their wasnt

i think it would have been harder for a 5 and 8 year old to talk to mummy and daddy who were miles (in a completely different time zone) away and not to be seen for several days.... an eternity to a small child

missiesparkles · 02/07/2008 22:43

I am slightly troubled by your comment that a 16-18 week doesn't care who is looking after them as long as they are fed and cuddled NannyL.
But I'm going to say nothing because I feel like all I do is have something to say about what you say...

AtheneNoctua · 03/07/2008 11:13

What I can not understand is that the parents did not call you to check on their kids. I don't care what bloody time zone or corner of the earth they ran off to. How could you not want to call and say good night to them for two weeks.

I always call home to say goodnight when I travel for work. Not every night. But, when I can.

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imananny · 03/07/2008 11:39

unfort athene - it happens, some parents done give a shit about their kids

I proxy parented for a 6yr girl a few years ago in easter hols, the parents and 3 older xhildren went away for 2 weeks skiing and left their 6yr alone with me - they rang once

agree with nannyl, it is hard for the child to speak yet not see, but on the otherhand, the child left behind must miss their parents, though the girl had a fab time with my hubby and I

also agree that a 16/18week old, as long is cared by someone they know, ie nannyl, then doesnt matter who feeds/cares/play/cuddles them, a baby is more likely to be contented/happy to be left rather than a 5yr old imo

imananny · 03/07/2008 11:41

athene - whoops forgot to add, where you do obviously care about your kids

yes parenst have to work away sometimes, but how hard is it to call and say goodnight - if i work late, my mb will always ring about 7pm to say goodnight to kids, even if at a do etc

missiesparkles · 03/07/2008 16:22

I think you worded it better imananny. I think the way nannyL said it could be misinterpretated maybe?
Just as there are parents who don't give a damn there are parents who leave their children with a nanny and worry that they are bad parents for letting someone else effectively bring them up iyswim?
In my defence, I really have a tendency to overthink things like this

mananny · 03/07/2008 17:08

I had a single parent boss a few years back who was forced into residential detox/rehab for over 12 weeks and left me alone with 3.5yr old and 12 month old. She could/would not make or accept phone calls, she had no other family nearby. So I took over everything til she was came home. She was a very selfish person, and her children were not a priority. Circumstances meant I had to leave and I have no clue what happened to the children after that. I do believe some people are not meant to have children and should not have them. She admitted to me on many occasions, that she only had them for the child support payments. Two very rich fathers. Tragic story .

AlisonA · 04/07/2008 09:35

Havent read all of this thread due to lack of time, but I took on my first full time live in nanny job at the end of college in 1994 - so I had JUST turned 19. I had sole charge of an 18 month old. It was a 6 month temp position. After that I moved on to (still aged 19!) a full time live in position with an 11 month old, working all the hours under the sun for two workaholic parents.

I was a very mature 19 year old though & times have changed a little.

Through the agency though, I see 19 year olds you could trust with your life ... & 39 year olds you wouldnt leave your half dead old dog with .. if you catch my drift.

It is very much about the person & their personality.

PS - I too have worked for people who dont call to see how the kids are. One lot went away for 5 days in my 2nd week of the job - leaving their 3 month old baby with me & didnt call at all. They then went to Cuba for nearly 3 weeks & called me once - mum barked orders down the phone to me about what food she wanted in for the day she came back, then hung up! Delightful!!

imananny · 04/07/2008 11:51

so what age are you going for athene?

AtheneNoctua · 04/07/2008 19:40

I think early twenties. MAYBE consider 19 if I fall head over heals in love. There is an advange to less than 23 because I can get her a student membership to the gym at half price. IT's not a deal breaker, but still it's £50 a month I'd rather give to the nanny than the gym.

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