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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

opinions please

11 replies

dylsmum1998 · 26/06/2008 23:53

my dd (2yr) has been with her childminder last september and has seemed, and still does seem happy there.
but there are a couple of things i have noticed in the past few weeks while i have been off(am a student and now finished for the summer). i have been sending dd for one part day a week while i'm off as i dont want her to ge out of the routine of going to cm otherwise when i go back in sept it is going to be a huge shock for her again.
however a couple of weeks ago my cm said that she was considering giving up and going to another job. this was then retracted a couple of days later with an apology saying time of month/bad day etc. i thought great now no need to worry. except since then i have noticed a couple of things that i'm not sure i'm happy with. when i have arrived to pick dd up another child in setting talks to me (she's a few months older than my dd but still only 2) as i'm replying the cm interupts talks over and tells the other child to be quiet. various reasons given for this the first time was child had been sat to one side for being naughty, next time she was eating ( ithought ok fair enough) but the last time it was "oh x be quiet you always have to put your pennies worth in". this is not said in a particularly pleseant jokey manner. it made me stop and look up! then last week she said the 2 girls were playing in the play room together while she was in the dining room feeding the baby (not an issue as i'm not always in same room as dd and she does have a webcam set up so she is viewing at all times) but she said the 2 girls were just pulling the dressing up clothes off the rack maybe putting one or 2 on then moving on for the next not picking them up so they not allowed to play with them anymore. she did tell me this on the day and i thought fair enough if you've asked them to tidy up, but the other day she said they had wanted them out and she didnt let them as she had told them the previous week they couldnt as they dont tidy up. this is a pair of 2 yr olds
a)being expected to clear up without being encouraged
b) expected to rememebr this a week later
c) what if they just found osme of the clothes too difficult

also cm just does nt seem to be doing as much with them as she was in the past. for example when i picked dd up a few months ago i was told today with have done x and she did this by heself and i helped with such an item. now when i pick her up i'm told they just played with toys.
i have never seen cm talk to my dd in the way tht she has the other girl- but that could just be as i am there.
its really bothering me and swimming about in my head tonight- so i cant sleep hance posting here.
am i being an unrealsitic mum or am i right to be considering a change of childcare?

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Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 26/06/2008 23:54

oh sorry that was longer than i realised

OP posts:

colditz · 26/06/2008 23:55

I'd be wanting to move her.

Love2bake · 27/06/2008 00:15

TBH I am so shocked at some of the CM stories I read on here.

As am CM myself (and I like to think a good one) it really just annoys me that other CM's behave like this.

I think you have every right to be concerned. If she is telling the children to be quiet in front of you, then I would be wondering how she is when you are not around.

It sounds like she has lost the passion for the job and the children are just left to it.

If you have a bad feeling, go with it and start looking around for alternative care.

Am so for you.

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 27/06/2008 00:48

i think i already knew before posting what i should do as i have a list of chimdinders i have found on the internet who may be able to help.
have my excuse, hours are changing next year need someone that can take ds too in order to accomodate new hours etc etc ( i know cowards way out but i HATE confrontation!)also am worried about bad atmosphere if see out and about, or she see's dd out and about with new cm etc etc

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MindingMum · 27/06/2008 08:46

Agree with Love2bake - it sounds like her enthusisum for the job has gone and if she thinks about it, she will realise why you have found alternative arrangements.

I realise that changing childminders is hassle but go with your gut instinct.

ayla99 · 27/06/2008 13:32

It doesn't sound good, but as it wasn't like this from the start, I wonder if there's more going on here?

I think its always worth airing your concerns before giving notice. It may be that she's had enough and thinking about moving on anyway. It may be that she's not herself because of something else going on in her life (eg, stress/depression, financial problems, relative ill, relationship difficulties .... could be anything).

I would suggest making an appointment for a "progress chat" first. This need not be a confrontation, you don't need to go in with all guns firing. Say that you chose her because xyz, but you sense her hearts not in it as it was before. If thats the case then it might be better for everyone if she finds a new job that she'll be happier in, and you find a new cm. Maybe you could ask what prompted her to think she might want to give up before? You don't want to pry if its personal but it could be work related - eg, is she worried about EYFS that comes in September?

Then, if you see no improvement and you want to give notice you can refer to your earlier chat and say that while you don't want to fall out, and want to be understanding of (whatever problems she's having, if you found out anything) you have to put your child first - your dd is the most precious thing in your life and you want the highest quality care you can get. If you've already expressed your concerns then it shouldn't be a complete shock if and when you give notice.

ayla99 · 27/06/2008 13:32

It doesn't sound good, but as it wasn't like this from the start, I wonder if there's more going on here?

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 27/06/2008 18:41

i have known the childminder for a numebr of years, which is why i chose her. i have mentioned a few times when i felt she seemed a bit harsh/ unhappy. the response is always the same X is hard work and gets me down. if they were all like your dc it would be easier.
i find this hard to understand, i know as a cm as much as you want there are children, for whatever reason, that occasionally you dont gel with but she has looked after the other child since she was small so would have expected her to have gelled by now IYSWIM.
i have been chatting to this about a rl friend today and have decided that i am going to phone around other cm and visit before making a definate decision, but i do feel i am going to hopefully find someone else as i am concerned that this doesnt directly affect my dd, as she is not the child being told to be quiet etc ( at least not whilst i'm there) i am concerned that it will affect her. or as my dd is a few months younger than the other child she hasnt fully reached the chatty stage. she is talking constantly and i always understand her, but i know some people dont find it as easy, but in a couple of months she should be fully understandable so then will she be the difficult one, being told to be quiet,as she is chatting constantly a fully flying tantrum throwing tot (she is relatively calm so far but am sure it will change as i get complacent )

OP posts:

rookiemater · 28/06/2008 09:34

I think you are right to consider moving. It seems really unprofessional of her to talk badly about other peoples children.

I know that my CM absolutely loves my DS to bits and I get the feeling she is not quite as overjoyed with one of her other charges, but she would never ever in a million years say that to me.

It's also right that your CM is teaching the children to let adults talk and to wait your turn, but it sounds like she is not doing it in a particularly constructive way.

Just a thought, my DS is now 2 and I am perfectly happy with my CM but if I was thinking of moving, at this stage I think I would also be considering nursery as well to get him used to pre-school and as really enjoys other childrens company now although he is a bit too young to play with them.

Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 29/06/2008 09:08

i dont have a problem with the cm teaching the children to wait if others are speaking, i try this myself with mine, but she (the childminder) wasnt even in the room on 2 of the occasions so i wasnt speaking with anyone else.

the reason i chose to have a childminder is i want my dd to do things like i would do if i was at home, go to soft play, toddlers, the park etc. for us i dont feel full day nursery is an option. i am thinking of sending her to pre-school for 2 sessions a week have found one i like but want her with a cm most of the time

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Original poster

dylsmum1998 · 01/07/2008 20:26

just to update. i spoke to current minder today, told her i was looking elsewhere.
i have spoken to another childminder today who can have both dc. and she sounds lovely, i am going to visit her next week. we've had 2 long chats about things in general and from just general chitchat i think we're very similar minded with regards to children childcare etc.
she voluntarily told me about the eyfs what her plans for this are etc.
a big improvement on some minders i saw last year who didnt know what birth to 3 etc was when i asked questions when visiting. hence ending up with the minder i have now.
am trying not to get to excited as i've not met her but she seems great

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