Childminders - is this an unreasonable request?

[hamsgirl]

My daughter has been with the same childminder for 17 months (since she was 8 months old).

I have recently returned to work after having my second child (son) who is 8 months old and he has been at the same childminders for a couple of weeks.

My son is a very light sleeper and quite a sensitive soul. I realised when he was younger that a) he really, really needs his sleep and b) sleeps much better if the room is very dark and there is white noise playing in the background.

My childminder has a very large house and a dedicated room for the children to sleep in (not used for anything else). I explained about the darkness and the white noise and I said I could provide a travel black out blind (a baa baa black out blind that sticks to the window with suckers so is temporary) and an ipod (with docking station) for the white noise.

She made a non-commital "we'll see" and then basically won't use either.

I can understand the black out blind to some extent as she would have to stick it up and take it down unless she wanted to leave it there permanently but the white noise is just a case of plugging it in and pressing a button.

My son, although he does sleep without these things, doesn't sleep for as long (1 to 1.5 hours rather than 2-3 hours at home) and as a result is coming home exhausted and hysterically tired.

So tell me honestly, would other childminders think this is an unreasonable request.

The ironic thing is that I introduced the white noise partly so that my son would have something that he could take to the childminders when he started to ease the transition. If I'd known she wouldn't use it, I'd wouldn't have bothered.

This doesn't sound at all unreasonable to me. Has she said why she won't do it? Perhaps him sleeping for that long is interfering with her other routines?

Thanks.

She hasn't said why she won't do it but I've known her a long time now and I'm sure it's just because of the inconvenience.

It's definitely not because of the routine thing though. Because I always knew my son would go there, I encouraged his longest sleep to be after lunch which is when she is always in (she does a typical out in the morning, at home in afternoon routine).

Hmm.. do other children get put down for a nap in this room at the same time as your son? I agree a 2-3 hour sleep may interrupt other schedules for the other children, think you need to talk it out.

I think it was unreasonable to agree to do it, then go back on that agreement. It sounds like you have been helpful providing these things too. Hope you work it out.

Hummm, i would suspect there's a reason she doesn't want to do it - I wouldn't have expected problems (I've asked for much worse )
Does she see his tiredness? Maybe she feels he's doing fine with 1.5 hours....?

Thanks for all your replies.

I would be happy to talk about it - however, my childminder is rather unapproachable to say the least (takes everything as a critisism . I'm sure you are asking why I've stayed with her so long but she is basically an excellent childminder - really good with the children but just not so good with the parents and my oldest has always been really happy there and so it's always been a case of "better the devil you know".

No other children sleep in that room on the same day. I don't want to go into too many details as I'm always worried about getting identified (unlikely probably but you never know) but the reason I know it's just because of the inconvenience is because she works with an assistant who is lovely and she told me there is no good reason other than that it's a hassle.

Sorry - pressed post before I'd finished.

funnypeculiar - I think she does know he's tired because she often tell me that he hasn't had much sleep. If she were more approachable I'd explain to her that he was hysterical by the time he got home, but she would be very, very p*ssed off with me for questionning her.

We are actually about to change childcare arrangements - for other reasons mainly but her unapproachability (which we were always willing to put up with whilst my oldest was happy there) has forced us to change earlier than we wanted to.

I've been quietly annoyed since my son's been there about the white noise in particular but I was pondering whether I was asking too much. I know it's easy for parents to ask the earth for their precious bundles and I was worried that I was being blinkered.

Totally reasonable imo, she's 'managing' and patronising you.

Her inflexibility and her being p'ed off at anything that you want changed doesn't sound like my definition of being a good CM; in fact it sounds as if you're scared of upsetting her which makes it a very unequal relationship.

Develop a thick skin. Tell her ds needs more sleep and you want her to use the blind and CD. Any response to contrary, ask her why not? There might be a good reason. If she isn't prepared to be reasonable or uses her 'upset' at this 'criticism' I'd be looking elsewhere.

Heated, you are spot on unfortunately about me being scared of her. It's so hard (at least for me anyway) when your child is happy and when there is so little good childcare around.

Hence why it's come to crunch point and we have given our notice to her.

I wanted to keep my first post factual so that I could get honest opinions about the blind and CD without anything else clouding the issue.

Thanks to everyone for your opinions - it's reaffimed to me that we've totally made the right decision to move them.

I would have thought that it is important to build positive relationships with the parents too and therefore looks like your CM has really missed the point there. Have any other CM's in your area got vacancies..? Maybe you need to review your situation and find someone who is more approachable as well as accomodating.

Does your 8 month old have just one 2-3 hour nap. Usually at this age they are still having two shorter naps (say an hour or so each) otherwise they can get incredibly overtired.

Would it work? - and maybe suggest this to the childminder if it is easier

I must say 2-3 hour naps would probably interfere a bit with some childminders routines and also confine them to the house for a long period if they have places to go, school pick-ups etc.

I have blackout blinds in my room for sleeping baby, and would most def put the 'white' noise on to help

I am a cm and would not find your requests in the least unreasonable. You are the parent and know best what is right for your baby at that time, It does not seem much hassle to stick up a blind and turn on a cd if it allows a child the sleep he needs, and the cm is in the house anyway. I would only have aproblem with this routine if i had to be out later, doing pick-ups etc, but that would be the only reason. Surely she would appreaciate the long time he sleeps so that she can concentrate on the other children, and then hav e a happier,more rested baby to deal with ? As for the unapproachableness, this is a shame. It is important I feel, for cms, and teachers, nurseries, etc to have equally good skills with parents. Of course it is brilliant your dc were happy with her, but she also needs to be friendly and be able to get on with parents ! Getting on with parents is very important in my book !
I think you are right to leave. It is in your childs best interest to have this sleep and no cms I know would have the slightest reason to not do it. Good luck finding a new one

Thanks for your input everyone.

He has one short nap (half an hour to 45 minutes) in the morning in the buggy when out and about. Then a long sleep after lunch. 3 hours would be the maximum - 2-2.5 hours is more normal but 1.5 hours is not long enough.

The thing about interfering with the routine is that I purposely "trained" him to have this routine as I knew it fitted into hers (the mindees stay home all afternoon - as she works with an assistant, one of them stays home whilst the other does the school run - I knew this because my daughter has been with her for about 18 months).

We are actually getting a nanny who is starting next month so not long to go now. I probably should have left months ago but as my eldest was happy there and has a really close relationship with her son, I could never bring myself to do it - especially as whenever I phoned or went to visit other childminders none seemed even remotely what I was looking for. Until now, there has never been any major issues. Once I realised that she didn't like being questioned I took the view that as long as my eldest was happy and was receiving good care (which she has done), I wouldn't rock the boat over minor issues even if they bugged me. But this is a more major issue and is affecting my son's wellbeing so it's time to move on (plus we need someone to a pre-school run and my CM lives to far my local pre-school to do it so we need to move anyway)

I cannot ever understand these type of posts because if a parent told me their child slept upside down, hanging from the rafters wearing a nun's outfit I would oblige because they are the parent!

Some childminders miss the point IMO