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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

OMG! What is it with me and nannies!

19 replies

ziopin · 20/06/2008 09:00

Have finally found myself a new nanny, seems really lovely, good refs etc. to start in September (term time) only.

I interviewed her last week, and immediately likes her, and gave her the job over the phone a few days late.

She came round last night to formerly accept the job, all hunky dorey! We had already discussed holidays in the original interview, (school holidays only - as we are teachers, I do pay full pay during all school holidays, and nanny does not have to work at all during these times) and these were agreed.

As she was leaving yesterday, she said'OH btw did I tell you I am getting married in October?, and I'll need 2 weeks off for the honeymoon?' I forgot to tell you at the interview!

I'm now a bit upset and very confused. Surely she should have told me this information the interview, before I'd offered her the job (I would have still offered her the job, I think anyway!) but now I feel that she was being a bit sneaky by not telling me from the start.

Any thoughts please xx

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belgo · 20/06/2008 09:03

I don't think that's sneaky. It's only a two week holiday, and unless you asked specifically if she was going on holiday, I don't see why she should have mentioned it.

FruitynNutty · 20/06/2008 09:08

I would have thought a huge congratulations would be in order and like belgo says "It's only a two week holiday" and it's her honeymoon. Maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement. Maybe she isn't expecting to be paid for this holiday. In which case you could get a temp in for those two weeks.

nannyL · 20/06/2008 09:11

I also dont think its sneeky at all

she was applying for a job which she got

you are both very hapy

having time off for her honeymoon is absoulutely no big deal at all IMO, (though i might be warey of working for someone who thought it was)

Original poster

ziopin · 20/06/2008 09:12

My point is that when we were discussing holidays, it was agreed that she would receive the school holidays as paid leave, surely she could have mentioned she would also need 2 weeks off to get married?

OP posts:

belgo · 20/06/2008 09:14

Well she didn't. And you can either think she was being sneaky, which may adversly effect your working relationship with her before she's even started, or you can give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she's as good as you thought during the interview, in which case, no harm done.

christiana · 20/06/2008 09:15

Message withdrawn

oops · 20/06/2008 09:25

Message withdrawn

hamsgirl · 20/06/2008 10:05

I agree with you. I would like any nanny of mine to be honest and upfront about things. I am flexible but in return, I expect openness and honesty.

My nanny told me about all her booked holidays for the first six months (she'd agreed them with her previous employers) - wasn't a problem at all but I appreciated her telling me.

I think she would have been equally annoyed if you'd have offered her the job and then on the way out said "oh btw, did I tell you that you can only take holidays during school holidays?"

I would do as christiana suggests - point out that it's OK for her to take these 2 weeks outside of school holidays as unpaid leave as a one off since it's her honeymoon but you would like to be kept up-to-date on things in future.

Original poster

ziopin · 20/06/2008 10:09

All good advice as always. Thanks a million Where is Eleusis? Haven't had my monthly slap yet xx

OP posts:

cupsoftea · 20/06/2008 10:19

think it's out of order as you explained the holiday payment & schedule for school hols - she didn't forget - how could you forget this info!!

AtheneNoctua · 20/06/2008 10:37

She is being a tad cheeky. It is is odd that she didn't think this was relevant when you were discussing how holidays must coordinate with chool holidays. (Incidentally I have the same requirement and I'm not a teacher. I just don't fancy taking holiday to do the school run.)

But....

It is possible she was nervous and a tad scatty annd not that she maliciously omitted the information.

I agree that I would offer her the two weeks off unpaid and ask her if she knew anyone who could fill in for her during that time. I would tell her that I can not take that time off due to the nature of my job and that I cannot afford to pay two sets of childcare at once. So, I have no choice but to pay someone else with the same money I use to pay her.

Also, I'd ask her if she has any other holiday requirements, for example the week preceeding the wedding. And I would ABSOLUTEY write all of the holidays into the contract before you sign it to avoid any miscommunications later. Pull out the school calendar, sit down with the nanny, and ask her to choose the ones she wants within the school holidays.

missiesparkles · 20/06/2008 12:06

Er, how can anyone think it just 'slipped her mind'?? Its her bloody marriage for Gods sake! Would any of you have just 'forgot' that you were getting married in 4 months? I have to say I think she was being a bit sneaky... And I clearly need to work for teachers, that's like 10 weeks of paid holiday right?? Jammy!

I'm a nanny myself btw and I think she was trying to pull a fast one!

stealthsquiggle · 20/06/2008 12:12

I think she thought you wouldn't offer her the job. However, given that you had the whole conversation about it having to be school holidays, etc, she knows this is going to cause you issues, so it was sneaky not to tell you.

Soapbox · 20/06/2008 12:22

I think in the circumstances you must tell her that she can have the holiday but since it is on top of her (already generous) annual allowance then it will be unpaid.

You can then use what you would have paid her to get a temp nanny to cover her holiday.

nbee84 · 20/06/2008 13:18

Where I you ziopin? I have just found out I have 3 weeks off in October. 1 week half term for my holiday and the preceeding 2 weeks for my employers holiday. I may be able to help.

imananny · 20/06/2008 16:44

I also think the nanny WOULDNT have just forgotten she was getting married in a few months time

HOW the hell do you forget that

though to be fair, maybe she thought her honeymoon would fall in the half term of october ( our private schools have 2 weeks off then)

does seem a bit sneaky to me that she didnt mention it esp if she can only take holidays when not in term BUT also you as an employer must reliese that if you employ a new nanny, that they may have holidays already booked which may not suit you - but you did say you would have given it to her

when i started my job a few years ago , at interview I said I needed 2 weeks off the following year as getting married and my then MB 2b was wow really excited for me etc, and didnt bat an eye lid, esp as they had already booked their holidays the week before for 2 weeks and I ended up getting 8weeks paid that year

Surreynanny · 20/06/2008 19:04

Where are you based, I temp nanny when not booked for anything else. I think she is out of order not telling you at interview and think she should work unpaid. I would love to work term time only and have school holidays paid for and I would be concerned that she hadn't told you. I wonder if she will not want to work on the day before her wedding either and there will be all those last minute hitches she will need to sort out

HarrietTheSpy · 21/06/2008 12:36

I can't believe how little sympathy you initally got re this situation. I would be annoyed too. It feels a bit manipulative. She knows you're going to give her the time off, but she could have mentioned it, round about the same time you were laying out her already generous holiday allowance. You could insist she take it unpaid, but if it gets the relationship off to a bad start, maybe you could write it off this time and ask her to do some additional babysitting or something throughout the year, in light of what she agreed when she took the job. Maybe I'm being too much of a softie though.

My DH is a teacher too and we have previously asked our nannies to take their holidays at term time, and we have also paid for when DH is off. In practice it hasn't really worked for us, and invariably stuff comes up for the nanny that they need to attend to, and we've found it's best to agree that they can take half their allocation at another time, although not two weeks in a row during term time, if you see what I mean. It's a pisser, it has to be said, as the nanny does end up getting about 8 wks paid a year (relative to my four).

Bink · 21/06/2008 12:50

I agree it doesn't feel quite right - "forgot to tell you" just sounds a bit airy, in the circumstances - and particularly that she chose to say this as she was leaving = no chance for you to come back.

I wouldn't rescind the job offer for this, but I would be a bit wary at first. Have you taken up references? - could you find a way to ask previous employers how upfront she is generally, or whether they've had any little problems with "spin" of this kind?

If it were me, I'd be worrying that new nanny is now congratulating herself on having got round a tricky issue to her own advantage - &, therefore & more generally, is the sort of person who quites like massaging situations to suit her. I would find it very difficult to have a good working relationship with a person like that - I like to be completely open & upfront - and for our nanny to be the same - when it goes both ways it makes for an excellent relationship. So, if the references do hint that there is sometimes a bit of not telling the whole story, I would have an early chat to say how crucial it is that things are put on the table right away. (And that wherever possible you will of course accommodate her - we do that with our nanny: see below.)

Our nanny has had two longish breaks (3 weeks+) - once to go home for another wedding & to start arranging her own; and once for her own honeymoon. Neither were a problem in any way - but (a) we had masses of upfront notice; and (b) both times she arranged someone to cover.

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