Help for new mum, doula or mother’s help?

[coralsand]

Hi, I’m expecting my 4th child in 2 months (the 3 others are 1, 3, 5). DH working long hours and won’t be much around. And I don’t have any family locally.
I’m starting to look for help for the first weeks after birth: with meals, a little bit of laundry, looking after the baby for an hour while I shower/rest…
I will be breastfeeding so will spend a lot of time with baby. And it’s a 4th baby so hopefully I’m not going to need a lot of assistance breastfeeding or anything related to the baby. So I’m mainly looking for someone who can look after me :)
I believe a mat nurse is not what I will be looking for. Between a doula and a mothers help what would you choose?

I would say mother’s help as then you can delegate domestic tasks or tasks relating to the older children if you need to.

I could be wrong but doula would be there to support you of course, but not for domestic matters or other children.

Hello, contrats on your pregnancy. ! I'd love to help you find a lovely maternity nurse. I run a nanny agency called www.thenannyandmaternityagency.co.uk and we specialise in placing maternity nurses. If you'd like you can email me at [email protected] and we can arrange a consultation and work out what would be best for you. Now is definelty the best time to start looking with just 2 months away so we have time to find you the right person.

Carla

A doula helps with the birth and sometimes after-birth care. If you want laundry done and meals prepped etc then that is literally the role of a mother's help.

I’ve read that some doulas are helping after birth as well, do you know what they do?

It will vary from doula to doula as to what exactly they offer but a post-natal doula is generally more focussed on the mother and her recovery, offering emotional support, basic practical support (e.g enabling the mother to take a shower), and education around newborn care and breastfeeding (if they're offering breastfeeding support then do check they have relevant qualifications/training).

They're much less likely to see household chores as part of their role, although some might. Doulas really only support families immediately after birth so if you think you might want help for months rather than days or weeks then, again, a mother's help is what you're looking for.

Mothers help or nanny/housekeeper would be your best options, someone to look after the older kids and briefly the baby whilst you shower, help with food preparation, look after the house maybe

I believe I would just need the extra help the first couple of weeks after birth, maybe 1 month, while I’m recovering and spending a lot of time in bed. It sounds that a mother’s help might be more what I need, although I will also have a look at what post natal doulas offer

Your DH should be on paternity leave for at least a couple of weeks, so he can do that role.
After that a mother's help would be what you're looking for I believe.

Also, why do you say you'll be spending a lot of time in bed? Babies are portable, and unless you're expecting a difficult post birth recovery, you should be fine to be up and about while caring for your baby and interacting with your other children.

Not that it matters why the OP intends on being in bed (this isn't her first baby. She knows her situation and her body by now) but I'm expecting my second and am strongly considering doing the 5-5-5 rule. That's 5 days in the bed (intense rest), 5 days on the bed (minimal movement) and 5 days around the bed (gentle movement).

I spent a week in hospital after my first and it was actually brilliant. I had nothing to do and no responsibilities beyond "hold your baby and spend time together". I genuinely think it made a huge difference to my recovery. Sure, as soon as I got home we went for lots of short walks and got plenty of fresh air but I genuinely think forced rest and not feeling pressured to bounce out of bed and greet the world was good for me and I want to recreate that as much as possible.

Yes in an ideal world DH would be on paternity leave. But there’s no such thing for self employed 😓
So I’m looking to have a little help to compensate what he would have done if he were around, or if my family was around.

In my previous pregnancies I remember spending a lot of time in bed for the first 2-3 weeks, just resting, recovering, and also breastfeeding, as at first baby is basically glued to you. Then after a while of course I would move around more, go out every day, do some chores, etc.

I didn’t know the 5-5-5 rule but it sounds brilliant. I hope I can follow it.
Recovery is key after giving birth

A doula will likely cost a lot more than a mothers help so some of it may come down to finances

A mothers help can help around the house but won’t be much help with the baby

A doula is trained to look after mum and baby but won’t do much housework

I’m a post natal doula and maternity nanny, feel free to message me if you have any questions

Mothers help.