Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

What would you do......

20 replies

pdf · 18/06/2008 15:30

I have a au pair that has been with us for just under 2 weeks but I am really not happy with how things are going.

She doesn't interact with the children particularly and once 4pm arrives (the time she finishes) she walks into the lounge, puts the tv on and that's where she stays until I call her for supper. Either that or she's on my laptop - which means that I can't get on it and that's what I use for work.

This morning, my 9 yr old was crying on the way to school (as I wouldn't let her cycle), the au pair just walked in front of everone and once we got to the play ground stood about 30 feet away looking completely fed up.

I asked one of the other mums in the playground if she could wait with my DD so I could take the youngest around to his class. The middle child walked himself around to his class as the au pair was staying out of the way and I was taking the youngest one to his class.

I came back and the au pair is looking even more fed up (if that's possible) so I said that she could go if she wanted to (she works 8 - 9am and 12 - 4 pm)as she wasn't being very helpful at all. She replied in a rather snotty way "I need to go" and just walked away.

The other mum asked me if the au pair had to be somewhere but all she was doing was coming back home (and onto my laptop).

One of the teachers then very kindly said that she would take my daughter in to her classroom.

I am just fed up with her lack of warmth and empathy but hubby thinks that I should give her a bit longer.

She keeps going out and leaving her bedroom window open (above the porch) despite me asking her and telling her and (after the 5th time), writing down for her that she is to check doors and windows before she leaves the house. My neighbours were recently burgled and I told the au pair but she still does it.

She has no idea about food.... she gave my 4 year old a baked bean sandwich for lunch She eats dry cereal out of a cup, she neglected to tell us she was a vegetarian until I was cooking her first meal here

She sits on the sofa and watches the 4 yr old play rather that playing with him or she sits and reads her book while he plays. She took him to the park yesterday and when they got back my hubby asked him if the au pair was reading, he said "not this time, she forgot her book". So she isn't even making sure he is safe at the park!

I have asked the 3 children if they like her and only one paused before saying yes, the other 2 said no.

The list is endless.....it is only small things but there are so many and she is really starting to get on my nerves!

How do i tell her to go and how much notice do I give her. Hubby isn't happy to leave her in the house once we have told her to go as "he doesn't know what she may do". That means that I am pinned in until she leaves

This weekend she is going to London from friday till sunday (not asked - she told me) even though she knows that I am busy and I had probably wanted her to babysit.

AIBU or should I ask her to go? What would you do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ingles2 · 18/06/2008 15:35

Oh Blardy AP's..honestly they really haven't a clue at the moment! YANBU.... not even a tiny bit. AP's are there to help you, and be part of the family. It doesn't sound like she is even trying. Do you have any sort of contract? Did she come from an agency? If not I would say:
I'm really sorry xxxxx but this is just not working for us and you don't seem happy either. Would you like to find another family or I can book you a flight home on Monday..

ingles2 · 18/06/2008 15:36

Oh and I'm sorry to say it probably won't get better IME

orangina · 18/06/2008 15:39

Go go go. If she is driving you this mad during what should be the honeymoon period, then who knows what lies ahead.

She sounds like a moody, disinterested pain, time to go....

MrsRecycle · 18/06/2008 15:52

agree with others - she is here to make your life easier, which she clearly is not doing. I let my ex AP get away with quite a lot, just for the easy life, but in the end she still abused our relationship. I wish I'd trusted my initial instinct and got rid. Don't blame yourself, it is very hard to find the perfect au pair/family relationship. Every AP/family is different. Tell her to go immediately - say that she obviously isn't happy and that it is for the best as your expectations do not meet each others (eg veggie/liking children). Don't worry about her having to support herself - an AP is meant to have enough money to support herself for a couple of months and the flight home before they come here. Maybe then she'll realise what a good deal she has.

I had my brilliant xAP, from a few years ago, stay with us this week (she was on hols) and I told her about the current influx of APs that seem to expect an easy ride (eg board/lodgings/pocket money for a distinct lack of duties). She said if only they realised the current cost of living over in the UK, they would realise how easy they have it.

pdf · 18/06/2008 16:31

Thank you all very much - I'm glad it isn't just me be over sensitive/over protective of my children

how much notice do i need to give her?

OP posts:
ELR · 18/06/2008 16:39

if she has only been with you for less than 2 weeks, i would give her a few days to sort out where she is going to go.

friendlyedjit · 18/06/2008 16:47

Agree with all, if its like this now when shr should really be making an effort! what happens next?
I'd also agree trust your instincts, they are more than often correct.

Good luck.

AtheneNoctua · 18/06/2008 17:02

Tell her to get out. I'd give her as long as I could afford to camp in the house. I agree with your DH that I wouldn't leave her alone for a second. And I'd take her keys off of her as soon as I told she was leaving. In fact, I'd tell her before she goes away this weekend.

God, she is horrid. Don't let her tell you otherwise. She brought this on. You didn't.

And, poor you. You have to start your hunt over now.

pdf · 18/06/2008 17:32

I have another au pair coming in August so this one was only ever going to be very short term.

The one I have coming is my other (first) au pairs best friend and seems very similar to my first (and fantastic) au pair.

If I tell this one tomorrow....is that too short a period for her to get herself sorted?

I work freelance and am in between contracts at the moment - the next one starts in July but my hubby and I can manage fine between us so will be fine until the new one arrives at the begining of August.

OP posts:
AtheneNoctua · 18/06/2008 18:12

I think the sooner you get it over with the better -- for both of you.

laura032004 · 18/06/2008 19:06

I second (3rd or 4th!) what everyone else has said.

My ap was the same with leaving windows open, except in our case I felt it was dangerous to the children, not just a burglary risk. They all have safety locks upstairs, so you can open them with no risk to the kids. She kept taking the catches off, supposedly when we were out, but then leaving the windows open like that. I did tell her the first day they were never to be opened like that, reminded her a couple of times, then eventually locked her window shut. I told her I had done this, then showed her that I had put the key on the top of her curtain pelmet, but said that it must stay locked. She still had another small window she could open for ventilation that the kids couldn't reach. Probably a bit harsh, but I wasn't taking the risk with my children if she couldn't be relied upon.

MrsRecycle · 19/06/2008 09:54

don't worry about her getting herself sorted - she should have enough money to fend for herself/get home. Just ask her to leave. I am actually freelance and in a contract at the moment but it finishes end of July. We don't have an Au Pair and manage just fine (with 3 LOs as well) - in fact it is a lot less stressful (although it was nice with the old AP at the beginning of the week).

BeauLocks · 19/06/2008 09:57

I agree with the others on here. Get rid asap.

catepilarr · 19/06/2008 11:34

ged rid off. she s taking the piss. try to tell her before she goess off for the we, that could give her the time to sort herseld out without while not bothering you. hopefully she ll just come to pick her stuff on sunday /monday. is she eu ap or the one through ap scheme?

MrsRecycle · 19/06/2008 12:05

actually re-reading your OP, synical old me is thinking that, as she is going into London for the weekend, I wouldn't be surprised if she is going looking for another family (or staying with her mates who are going to find her a family closer to them). Knowing what I know about APs, she has probably been MSNing her mates, they have been telling her how she shouldn't do half the stuff she does and should be getting paid double the amount of money she is and should be living a lotter closer to the centre of London. Can you check the history on your laptop to see if she's gone to gumtree/aupair world?

Call her bluff - say "I know you are not happy and you have been msn-ing your friends tell them this and that you are looking for another family". If she goes bright red, there is you answer. Another thing I've learnt is that APs are far from truthful and honest (but there are some good ones as well).

pdf · 19/06/2008 13:43

last night we asked to to leave and she is going tomorrow.

I feel really awful though as she cried

It will be a relief once she has left though, I will ask her to go when the children are at school so that they don't have to see her getting upset - or is that mean?

OP posts:
catepilarr · 19/06/2008 13:48

its not mean. why did she cry? she didnt sound happy in the job, did she

AtheneNoctua · 19/06/2008 14:10

The worst of it is over. I once sent one packing and it was very unpleasant. But, as you say, when she wa gone it was like the weight of the word had been lifted from my shoulders.

You have to just grin and bear it and know that it will be over soon.

Come here tonight for support if you need it.

Did you get the key from her?

pdf · 19/06/2008 16:52

didn't take the key yet....will do that in the morning.

She hasn't been left alone today though. She wanted to go to the library this afternoon, so we all went as "we all love books!"

She was going to babysit but we have "had" to cancel our plans so unfortunately, she gets out company tonight too !

She cried as she has no where else to go....uni is shut for the holiday and her mum is currently working abroad and the au pair can't afford the air fair to her mum. I do feel for her but ultimately, she should have made sure that she came with enough money to look after herself in case things went belly up.

OP posts:
AtheneNoctua · 19/06/2008 17:09

Not to mention she is the reason things went bellyup. This is not something that just happened to her. It is something she inflicted upon herslef.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread