2.5 year old suddenly very upset at childminder for months

[Beckyh2489]

Looking for advice if possible. My 2.5 yr old has been with the same childminder since she was 1. Over the last 5 months, every day she is there is a battle. She cries when she is told thats where she is going, struggled at drop off and I get text messages every day saying how upset she is and not settling. Im really struggling to know what is best for her. She is very good at communicating and just says she likes being at home best. This started in October time, the childminder had 2 weeks holiday and then we were away for a week immediately after. I expected teething issues going back due to the change in routine, however not to this extent.
The changes that happened around the same time:

• a boy she liked to play with who was there on a Friday left to start nursery.
• she increased her days she was there (previously thursday and Friday and now Tuesday thursday friday - wednesday she is home with me and Monday she is with granny)
• the childminders granddaughter started going and she is there every day - my daughter often says she was playing with this child's puzzle or this child's toy etc, which wasn't something that happened before.

I dont have the option of going to another childminder as there is very little childcare in my area, she is due to go to nursery in January 2027, however I have enquired about starting her a term early in September 2026. My partner thinks this is because she doesnt get what she wants at the childminder but I dont agree this is what is going on. I work from home but unable to do this with her here as often need to make calls, however a lot of the time I feel guilty that she is so upset there and I will pick her up early and change my day to do calls in the morning and admin in the afternoon, however this isn't always feasible. My partner is self employed and isn't able to collect her early. Granny is not able to take her any more than she already does due to other commitments and we dont have any other family close by. Prior to October she was well settled in the childminders and went in without any issues. She particularly enjoyed playing in the garden every day through the summer, obviously around the same time (October) it was colder and they weren't outside as much. There were occasional days where she was unsettled but not every day and never an issue at drop off. Last week I had to leave work (was in the office that day) as she was crying so much she had made herself sick.

I feel like this has been going on too long to be a phase. Any suggestions, questions, help or advice is welcome

Something else to add actually is when we are at home she loves playing the childminders house....lets call the childminder L. She tells me to be L and will bring all her teddies and dolls to Ls house and ring the pretend Doorbell to drop them off. After that she will help make them some pretend lunch and play games with them. The childminder is a very caring person and it is very much a home from home environment. I do feel like she may be slightly under stimulated there as she is very bright and they dont do a lot of structured activities.

Do you think she could be jealous of the grand daughter?
It can be hard for only children to adjust to having to share the adult's attention.
Is the childminder happy to keep going?

It is possible that she could be jealous but doesnt say anything to make me think that she is, other than she has been playing with this child's toys. Although I know the toys being referred to as this child's is something she mentions often. This child also has their own high chair and naps upstairs rather than napping downstairs like the other kids, so maybe she picks up on the that too.
She will be happy by afternoon usually and play with all the other children. There are a few that she isn't so keen on but will still play with them.
The child minder is happy to continue but I just dont like putting her there when she is so upset and struggling when she used to love it.

Sorry if this isn’t very helpful but, given how upset she is, I’d be bending over backwards to find another arrangement as soon as possible. Hopefully nursery can start her in Sept but until then is there any way at all you could rope in additional help from grandma or change your work to juggle your little one? I wish I had an easier or more constructive answer for you but for me, this would probably be the only way if my child was so upset. Must be really hard for you - sending you my thoughts.

Honestly I’d change childcare provider

Are there any other adults there? Childminders assistant / husband that there could be an issue with?

It’s a tough one! Mine is always upset to go back to nursery after a break and also got a bit upset in October which I put down to less time in the garden (which he was loving) but it’s really only at handover and he’s happy the rest of the day. I think if he was upset all day I would look at another option. It could be that the granddaughter has changed the dynamic - my childminder when I was little has her granddaughter there and she could be quite spiteful and jealous because she wanted her nan to herself.

You are picking her up early when she’s upset, so she knows how to get home earlier. I’d leave her there for the full sessions or this will happen in nursery too.

Trust me, including have exhausted all other options. There are 3 childminders in my area, one we have and both the others are always full and I have been on waiting lists for any days since October 2023. What tends to happens is if you are lucky enough to get a space, the parents will reserve a space for their next child as soon as they are pregnant again, meaning everyone else doesn't get a look in. Im not happy with the lack of activities and stimulation for my daughter so havw continually chased up the other childminders to see where I am on the waiting list. Granny works the other days and cant reduce her hours any further. Trust me, it breaks my heart every day when she has to go. As I said, Friday is a little better as she really likes playing with one of the kids that go that day.

Other than giving up my job, I have no other option, but we rely on my income to contribute to our household expenses.

She used to be very settled and this all started in October 2025 so it is very strange.

This is what i was worried about. Thank you for your honesty. Its difficult to know what is best because I understand picking her up early she will then expect to be picked up. We pay for her to be there 8.30-4.30 for 3 days, however I finish work at 3pm and often collect her around 3.30pm.

On the times when she is very unsettled, Imsuch as making herself sick with crying, I will collect her earlier but other than that I try to aim for school sort of times.

I just find it bizarre that she is so unsettled I the morning and 'usually' by 11am im getting told she has settled and playing happily. If it was that she wanted to be picked up, I would have thought that would continue to the afternoon.

I would if there was any other option. As mentioned in a previous reply, I really have no other option than giving up my employment.

Its in the childminders home, so occasionally her husband will be there and I believe her mum pops round on a Friday, however this has always tween the case and my daughter speaks about them fondly.

I did wonder this and if the dynamic has changed. As I said in a previous reply, her granddaughter has a separate high chair only for her, sleeps upstairs instead of downstairs with the other kids at nap time, and toys are referred to by my daughter as the granddaughters toys. So maybe she is jealous, or the dynamic has changed and it upsets her. I dont know how to help this though other than speaking about it with my daughter and reading books about feeling jealous etc. If you have any suggests, please let me know

It might not be that there is any wrong at the childminders but that you daughter would just prefer to be at home with Mummy.