Why can't I let this go?!

[HarrietTheSpy]

I have just learned from another parent at DD's preschool who I have recently gotten to know that our odious first nanny regularly raked us over the coals in front of other parents at the school gates. Her favorite topic was our progress potty training and in particular she used to discuss how many nappies were left in the bag after the weekend and how lazy we were/little progress we were making. The woman who told me started the conversation by saying: How did you cope with having someone so opinionated working for you?! We have had lovely DNs working for us subsequently. The funny thing is, I was a little surprised she said that as the nanny never actually addressed any concerns she might have with us. It is so galling she saved her comments for gossip with other parents. And presumably her relatives who used to come to work with her on a regular basis.

I swear if I ran into her on the street...ugh!

She's left us over a year ago but it still gets my hackles up. What pisses me off most is that I didn't listen to instinct and end the relationship when I started to feel uncomfortable. What a huge mistake - anyone out there with a nanny/thinking of hiring one, please learn from this!

what an awful experience for you but I must admit, I here childminders doing the same, which is why I'm a bit of a loner! I don't want to get involved

totally unprofessional of her - what a vindictive cow! imo it only reflects really badly on nannies themselves who do this - where is their loyalty?

I don't think it would be appropriate to say anything to her after such a time lag, but you could allude to the gossiping if ever approached for a reference.

Next timea parent said something to me I'd say "Oh. And do you want to know what she said about you?..."

Ok, maybe not.

I would be annoyed about this too.

I'd be mightly p'd off by this. As a nanny I'm pretty sure your nanny would have something to say if she found out that you'd be talking about her to parents, even after a year or so.

I totally think I'd feel the same as you but agree that I'm not sure you'd gain much from saying something, might make you feel better tho and alluding to it in a ref is def an idea.

You have every reason to feel very upset and angry. I would. It is such an intimate role to have someone play inside the family - and you feel very betrayed when it doesn't work out.

That's how I feel quaranta. Really vulnerable.

The weird thing was while she took DD to activities I set up, DD never had playdates arranged with someone the nanny had taken the initiative to get to know herself and was quite moody with some of the cms she knew through a group she went to with another nanny in the area. I was really surprised to hear that she actually bonded enough with another person to have that extensive a conversation about us. Now I'm thinking, God knows what she was saying to people.

With our subsequent nannies, I have always put the confidentiality clause in the contract, but almost because it's already part of the standard one we use. I never really thought about what it meant until now. We're contemplating having someone live in after I go back to work but this is making me think twice. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid though.

HI again Harriet, I don't think you are being overly paranoid, it is a horrid thing to happen to you - i guess only positive is to learn from the experience which it absolutely sounds as if you have. You have my full sympathy x