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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Starting with a new childminder and wondering if we made a mistake

15 replies

Poppy9991 · 30/12/2025 15:28

Hi everyone, I just wanted to get thoughts on something! My son is 22 months old and he has been going to a childminder from 10 months. Initially I had great difficulty finding one as we moved into the area when he was about 8 months and a lot of the local childminders I’ve been recommended around me were full and had a waiting list. We finally found one who lives 25min walking so not so close. But she was great and our son created a bond with her. I think I might be a bit perfectionist and have high expectations when it comes to who looks after my son because I still always had some very minor issues, or rather, overall not issues but more of “ah I wish she had/ did this” (which I didn’t even raise with her as very minor - eg her lounge where the kids played is very very tiny, like it felt crowded when the 3 kids were in there; or she is managing a local daily playgroup which in a way was great because everyday the kids went there and socialised with more kids but on the flip side it meant that she was required to be there to open and close the playgroup from 9 to 12 and then for that reason they would come back home a bit late and she had to cook and feed them so by the time they went for the nap it was pretty late and I wished she didn’t have that extra responsibility/ side hustle). But I have to say, overall we got on well and my son was happy there. Then one of the local childminders I initially contacted reached out to let me know she had availability and I decided to change him from January to that new childminder who lives 10min walking from mine, and she also works a bit later (until 6) which would come in handy as I started a new job that requires me to be in the office more days - these were the main reason for the change. But also, I have to say, what played a big role is that two of my close neighbours who I get on well and have slightly older kids recommended her very very highly and she finally had a free spot from Jan so I grabbed the opportunity. We started settling this week… and even if my son seems to have adapted well… I have this weird feeling that maybe we did a mistake and the previous childminder even if she lived further away was better. This new childminder has a bigger place but the flat is so so so dark… lights are on from morning but these are not strong lights… and overall I feel there is a damp smell coming from the bathroom when I went. She operates a slightly bigger setting as her husband is her assistant (which I didn’t mind as Ininitially thought this would be a good transition before preschool when he’s 3) but I don’t know, maybe I have too high expectations, and my reasons are weak and superficial and more gut feeling… But I have to say I really struggle to see why my 2 neighbours so highly recommended her. She is fine don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel the magic they were talking about and I feel I have moved our son from a very good setting to an average one. The additional bit that is bugging me is that her English is not good. Now if English was my first language or my husband’s there would be absolutely no problem, but it is not. We are speaking to our son in our native language at home and relying on daycare for him to learn English (which he started to - this is a pretty common technique for bilingual families to only speak native language with your child). So overall I am really torn to still give it a go because it’s only been 2 days or try to get back with our previous childminder (she might have found another other kid though)… Sorry for the long message and I hope it doesn’t come across as snobbish, I’m really not but I just want the best for my baby.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Newstartplease24 · 30/12/2025 15:31

I would say the language is very important. Can you go back to the first Childminder? The playgroup is trivial compared to poor spoken language at this age

Nickyknackered · 30/12/2025 16:02

Did you visit the new cm before accepting a place? Because these seem like things that would have been evident from the start.

I'd also be more than a little hurt if I was the original cm. Are you using funding to pay for your child's space?

rubyslippers · 30/12/2025 16:05

I have no idea why you’d move your child from
the first childminder
you would be very lucky IF she’d take you back
your moans are very trivial
did you visit the new childminder before changing? Surely you would have noticed the language etc

RidingMyBike · 30/12/2025 16:08

We found with personal recommendations that often someone only had experience of one thing - one childminder, one nursery, one school. So they have nothing to compare it to. And may have different priorities to you.

One friend highly recommended a local
nursery which we weren’t at all impressed with. Poorly organised, poor facilities in comparison with others we looked at. Went with a different nursery with better facilities and organisation, which was highly recommended by another friend. The first nursery ended up failing OFSTED and closed down overnight.

ChristmasLeftovers · 30/12/2025 18:49

Yes, it sounds like you’ve made a mistake - but unfortunately it was of your own doing. As PP have said, you could/should/would have known all these things that are annoying you (including with the first CM!) BEFORE you accepted a place.

Sounds like you always think the grass is greener. There is no perfect setting.

I’m baffled as to what you’re planning to say to the original CM though?! And she definitely shouldn’t take you back if I’m being honest - why on earth should she? I’m sure a good child minder will have families lining up. And even if she doesn’t, I hope she things twice about taking you back with the level of flakiness you have shown.

ParentingRollerCoaster · 31/12/2025 10:13

Ask the old childminder if she still has space... tell her you moved for convenience but now realise that you have given up her great service to be closer and have longer hours but you see that the compromise is not worth those gains. If you have given notice, she might have already filled the space, you will also have to give notice on the new place and pay double during that time.

Grumblies · 31/12/2025 10:18

To be honest the language issue alone would have been enough to stop me moving him but unfortunately you've made that choice now and I think it's unlikely you would be able to go back to the other childminder.

Poppy9991 · 01/01/2026 13:21

Thanks to the mums who sent civilised answers, and really not bothered reading the others who just want to pour some judgement without any content here when I’m only asking advice. It is the holidays season guys, cheer up and stop hating for a few days at least! I promise it feels good to have some empathy!

After a few days with the new Childminder we are actually quite happy! My son already seems really attached to her and she sends loads of videos to us! Which is excellent. Her husband speaks good english and does lots of reading to the kiddos so we are actually quite happy we made the move as it is going to be much more practical for our family. The bonus is that her granddaughters offer punctual babysitting services if needed so that’s great to have additional babysitters in my back pocket if needed for an outing.

Thanks again for all that provided civilised opinions.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 01/01/2026 13:26

Was a quick turnaround since the start of the thread!

Grumblies · 01/01/2026 13:30

purpleme12 · 01/01/2026 13:26

Was a quick turnaround since the start of the thread!

Indeed!

Two days in and the OP was incredibly concerned. Yet two days later (one give he likely won't be in today given it's a bank holiday) this setting is apparently the best thing since sliced bread... Hmm

ParentingRollerCoaster · 01/01/2026 16:12

You don't have to convince us... but if it helped to say the negative things outlook to allow you to put the positive things in perspective and to make the best of the decision you have already made.. then good for you!

I read recently that we spend too much time trying to make the best decisions and then agonising over them when we would have a lot less stress in our lives if we make good decisions and then concentrate on making the best of those decisions.

You have looked at the positives and minimised the negatives which will lead to a much more positive outlook.

rubyslippers · 01/01/2026 16:34

Poppy9991 · 01/01/2026 13:21

Thanks to the mums who sent civilised answers, and really not bothered reading the others who just want to pour some judgement without any content here when I’m only asking advice. It is the holidays season guys, cheer up and stop hating for a few days at least! I promise it feels good to have some empathy!

After a few days with the new Childminder we are actually quite happy! My son already seems really attached to her and she sends loads of videos to us! Which is excellent. Her husband speaks good english and does lots of reading to the kiddos so we are actually quite happy we made the move as it is going to be much more practical for our family. The bonus is that her granddaughters offer punctual babysitting services if needed so that’s great to have additional babysitters in my back pocket if needed for an outing.

Thanks again for all that provided civilised opinions.

So your child has been going during Xmas and new year with all the bank holidays when CMs are usually not working
and now you’re over the moon with happiness 🤔

GiantYorkshirePud · 01/01/2026 16:38

Why is her husband looking after your child…?

arcticpandas · 01/01/2026 16:43

GiantYorkshirePud · 01/01/2026 16:38

Why is her husband looking after your child…?

I find this very odd as well. Is he also registered as a childminder @Poppy9991 ? Personally I wouldn't want a random man near my very young children. But then I'm a bit wary about men and young children because 99% of paedophiles are male..

tothewindow25 · 01/01/2026 16:56

I’d be wary of the husband as well but not sure there’s much you can do about it now.

As an aside, the first CM running the playgroups won’t be a “side hustle”. I ran various playgroups / stay and plays when my kids were young. You don’t make any money from it. People do it because somebody has to. Otherwise they just don’t happen and mums and kids have nowhere to go. It’s an utterly thankless task.

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