CM Club......Encouraging Independant Play

[hennipenni]

Please I need help! Mindee1 aged nearly 4 has absolutely no concept of independant play and is demanding attention all the time. I'm not even allowed to nip to the loo without being followed about all the time.

I don't wish mindee to play independantly all the time, just 5 -10 mins at a time so that I can at least wash up after meals etc. I leave plenty of varied toys around but mindee will just sit and look at them until I start to play with them myself. I know that mindee never plays independantly at home and always has parents at their beck and call.

Any ideas? I'm not being lazy but I feel that all children should be able to play independantly to some degree.

I had exactly the same problem and ended up giving notice the child was a pfb and the mother played at rather than with her all the time. Whenever I told her to go play so I could get on with jobs ie preparing her lunch or sorting things out for my after schoolies or even changng another mindees nappy she would sit in a corner and either cry or watch me like a hawk until I had finished in the end I tipped lots of toys out and sat on couch while she worked out what to do with them I felt really bad but I had her 50hours a week and it got too much in the end.

This is something you need to talk through with the parents. Maybe find things that interest her or see if you can give her a 'task' that will fill the minutes.

The parents need to work with you on this too. Do look for any warning signs that this is something other than over-indulgence by parents.

I had one little shadow that would stand behind me in the kitchen. I nearly fell over him several times.

Good luck

Aw poor mindee and poor you!

If they have no concept of independent play and you want to keep minding them I think this will take some time.

They will need to be encoraged to use their imagination, start encouraging them to lead the play you are doing together (what shall we do with these blocks/which animals shall we put in which farm biuilding), or set mini tasks while you pop to the loo, and heap praise on them if they do something alone.

I agree you need the parents help with this too to get through it. Is mindee FT or PT?

thanks for answering.

Kay, Mindee is part time and has been with me since a very early age, it has only become apparent recently about the lack of independant play.

Mogwil I have spoken to parents and I'm guessing from responces that it's a guilt thing as parents work long hours and mindee goes to grandparents aswell as me, (I think that they are the problem to be honest)

Tricky, but grandparents like to be involved. See if the parents will say to them that you have noticed a lack of independent play, you would like to improve this as it is an important skill for school. As they are such wonderfully experienced people (being not just parents but grandparents) would they be good enough to suggest how they manage to get child to play independently when with them . Hopefully this will be too much for them to resist and they will work at it with you. Give three positives strengths that the child has and this one concern (three stars and a wish) and hopefully they will have a proud glow and a wish to help rather than see any crticism.

Could you perhaps suggest that the child goes to playgroup or simialr for a couple of mornings a week to help encouage her to have independant play. She may need that type of setting if she is approaching school age.

The staff at such a setting wouldn't be able o be at her beck and call all the time .