AuPair Experts Over Here Please

[FantasticOpportunity]

I need your collective help!

I have a fantastic opportunity (thus the name change)wrt childcare and need some help.

DD is going to full time nursery school(9-4 4 days and 9-12.30 one day)in Sept and current nanny is leaving to return home.
We were always going to replace nanny with an AuPair and were planning the usual route of an overseas youngster.

Anyway,previous nanny's Mother (who has become part of the family)has offered her services to live in Mon-Fri as an "AuPair" for dd and I am overwhelmed.Whilst she is only my age,she would be the Granny (younger and fitter) that dd never had.She has raised 3 fantastic kids of her own and is hating her current employment.Her three are off her hands and she is genuine in her offer.
I so want to make it work as she would be fantastic but also want everything to be ok on both sides.

So-dilemmas....
1.What should we pay her? Owing to school fees,we really cannot pay a nanny salary but don't want her to feel like she is doing us a favour but she has said that she really wants to do it and she doesn't earn that much from her current job.

2.Can someone please give me a list of typical AUPair duties-again,do not wish to take advantage of her in any way but were hoping to dispense with our cleaner when we had an AuPair-is that realistic?

3.She is not under 30 and she is a UK resident-does this mean she cannot be classed as an AuPair?

4.Any other pearls of wisdom and advice??????????

1. cant help with wage but gen au pairs get paid £60 - £90 but sure your nanny mum cant afford to work for that

2. i think au pairs do the bulk of the washing/cleaning/cooling etc

3)from what i think i have read somewhere, you can not be an au pair if you are over 30 or au pair in your own country ( so not uk as she is uk ) as it is meant to be for young girls to learn languages/see new countries

though

I cant see why you cant hire her as a nanny/mh - but obviously the wage would have to reflect this

Ok. I'm no expert for a start! But I do have an ap and have had for 6 months.

1. I think the normal ap rates are £60 for 25 hours a week, one to two evening babysittings on top (no extra pay) and two completely free days off a week. If she was living in Mon - Fri then you'd be providing board and lodge for 5 days a week so it might be pretty close to the norm for aps, though I appreciate what you're saying about her being older and not wanting to pay her less than the correct rate. What is her current wage and what are her working hours, annual leave rates etc? What are you able to offer? What hours do you need? What duties would you want her to do? I don't expect you to answer these on MN, just to think about them, btw!

2. Try the ap websites for normal duties. I'd say that a list would include getting children up, dressed, breakfasted and to school, collect them from school, give them a snack, supervise homework, maybe help prepare or cook tea, make their beds and possibly do the children's laundry. Then, housework whilst they are in school i.e. loading and unloading the dishwasher, putting washing on the line and off, hoovering, ironing and dusting. I don't ask my ap to do bathrooms or empty bins but she does mop floors. It would be for you to write out a list and discuss with her, really. I don't have a cleaner atm though I probably will whilst I'm between aps.

3. I don't know. Maybe the ap websites will have definitions and info on what's allowed.

4. Read the ap threads and see what other MNers' experiences have been. I think if you really know the person then you've got a head start. It might be tricky if things don't work out as there's a friendship there to begin with, though, but this wouldn't put me off if I were you. I'd just take care to agree everything verbally and then in writing before you start.

Hth and good luck!

Thank you both and Simply-your reply is great.

All seems alongthe lines I am thinking,I just want to make it work for all.

She is a wonderful person and dd loves her.
There would be no language problems,no driving concerns,no settling in period,no personal hygiene issues(grin)-the only downside I can see (other than the wine bills )is we would feel like we weren't paying her her worth-not becasue we don't understand it,value it or want to-just pure economics-she is priceless and we can only afford an AuPair

you can also say she is a "live in mothers help"

live in roles are exempt from NMW so you can pay her the same wage as an au pair

Thank goodness-any other views?

So,NMW doesn't count so if it was agreed with all parties the wage could be as low as to avoid large tax bills- but not avoid them totally as one can with an AuPAir?
The tax and NI which we do pay now is waht really does make having a nanny so painful financially.

Hours will typically be 8-9.30 and then 4-7 so she could do something else in the "between hours".

So Jura-or anyone-what do you do about holidays???????????

Just make sure she knows that you genuinely can only afford 'au pair' rates and that you really appreciate and value that she's offered to help you out. Ask what she's comfortable with earning (reflecting that she'll be living in, etc) and go ahead and draft up what sort of duties you'll be needing, get her to take a look and point out anything she has issue with.

She sounds as if she really likes you guys so communication between the two of you should be great and hopefully you can start this convo with her pretty easily!

As far as holidays - you would expect someone living in to hopefully take them the same time as you, but again, just ask her what sort of holiday time she'd be looking at. I usually would give an au pair whatever times our nanny had off (4 weeks, 2 weeks of our choice, 2 of hers.)

Thanks Henry-sound advice.We want to pay her a "fair" wage but genuinely cannot afford more than we budgetted for an AuPair-wish we could becasue I think she is worth her weight in gold.If my dd turned out half as well as her three I would be delighted.

Holidays we would obviously give as much,I meant more what to do about childcare in the holidays and how much extra to pay etc.....

beeing an aupair is a cultural exchange / or is meant to be/. some people confuse aupair with a live in help. i guess this lady would be a part time mother's help to you.

I'm glad you're getting lots of advice here FantasticOpportunity.

jura I can see what you're saying about duties. I wanted our first ap to do much more with the children but she discovered (in her first ap job where she was for 5 months before coming to us) that she doesn't like children. She can do very little apart from basic housework tbh. Of course, we didn't find out any of this until she started here (she was quite economical with the truth during her interview weekend) so I'll have a review period written in for all future aps. I had hoped that she'd want to leave us but she is happy here and is now due to go home (oh my goodness, the month has changed!!!) - NEXT MONTH! Our next potential ap is fluent in the two languages my children are learning at school and so her time will be much more balanced with language tuition, some childcare (taking dd swimming or to the cinema), looking after them on INSET days and she can cook. Sorry this is so much about me, btw, but I wanted to explain why there is so much housework listed in my post.

Any views on Summer care?
Additional pay?How much?

Oh I so want this to work but don't want her to feel undervalued or us to be completely skint.....

I'd suggest you write out a typical week term time and a typical week summer hols time and see what the difference is in terms of duties and hours. You can always agree that the pay will be increased for school hols weeks. Are you going to pay a set rate per hour whether she has sole care of children or is doing housework or whatever? If so then it's a straight increase in pay based on hours. I think! Oh, remember food bills. I've noticed a big difference as our ap has a big appetite and regularly eats twice the normal adult portions in our house.

Thank Simply.
Know what you mean about food-our current nanny eats us out of house and home on a regualr basis-our lovely potential "proxy granny" will definitely eat less but drink more wine

God it is sooooo complicated.

We will keep the nanny car on and fully fund that for her which hopefully will count for something....

May be able to swing gym membership-although not sure that would count for much with her as she is like me and steers well clear of them