Irritated by hearing what former nanny said at M&T group - not a rant, just a bit peeved

[Blueskythinker]

A mum approached me today at our M&T group and asked did we used to have a nanny, because she thought she recognised DD1 from going to another M&T group with our nanny.

When we got chatting, she said that she remembered her well, because nanny had been telling everyone how DD1 was annoyed to have got a new brother (1 year ago) and was very jealous.

I didn't really know what to say at the time, but tbh I'm pretty peeved at this. I wouldn't have described my DD1 as having a negative reaction to the arrival of the new baby - actually she was really good with him. But it's got more to do with the fact that the nanny was discussing things like this at M&T. I would have thought it would be better to have raised any observations or concerns with me.

Our nanny has since left, but I'm so surprised at hearing this - I thought a lot more of her. She still stays in touch with us.

I also wonder what this Mums motivation was in telling me this?
Anyway, just having a moan.

I don't blame you for being peeved.

Firstly, even if your dd was jealous, your nanny should not have mentioned personal family details like this outside the home. It's unprofessional and a breach of confidentiality.

Secondly, if someone repeats a negative comment that they heard about you, then that is just as bad as if they had said it themselves. IYKWIM.

That women had no real reason to tell you that did she, other than to be unkind. That's assuming she's telling you the truth of course.

These things happen (it's human nature) ignore it and move on.

I don't know about the other mums motivation, but perhaps it was a harmless comment:

Mum: Ooh, how is DD1 adjusting to the new baby?

Nanny: She's not impressed, in fact, I think she's probably a bit jealous

Mum: Yes, lots of children are like that

....

I've had this conversation with lots of mums. I think if you're at a M&T group, this is exactly the sort of discussion you have many times.

agree with laura comments, mums and nannies do natter though does seem a bit weird that the mum at M&T brought up a conservation that happened ages ago

I think I am just a bit shocked at the inferred unprofessionalism - I really have / had a high opinion of our former nanny.

Hi Blueskythinker, Maybe the mum that approached you was just trying to make conversation with you, she may be shy or nervous, but lonely and the only thing she could think of to break the ice was the conversation she had overheard 12 months ago, i don't think she was trying to be horrible or mean about your fab last nanny i just think she was wanted to chat, and this was a conversation she knew you would want to talk about, i agree with laura, most first children feel like this when another sibling arrives so it's natural to talk about it, most people always ask if the first child is having trouble adjusting to their new bro/sis!!

I agree it is a bit unprofessional but it probably was a harmless conversation like laura said.

It's always possible that what the mum said nanny said was perhaps not EXACTLY what nanny did say... you will never know. Don't let it tarnish your memory of lovely nanny.

oh, come one. It´s just conversation.

don´t get peeved so easily!

If you can't talk about babies and toddlers at M & T group, where can you

I can understand why you are upset but I would let it go. Presumably you don't know this other woman so no need to care what she thinks.

I don't think it was particularly unprofessional, it was just chat about children. It may have been part of a general conversation where someone was looking for reassurance that their child was not the only child ever to get jealous of a new sibling.

It's not as though she was telling people what colour knickers you wear.

agree that this is nothing to get peeved about. Think you're being oversensitive.

If someone is looking after a child all day and going to groups etc they are going to need to talk about their life, just as you would, and their life involves to a huge degree issues around the children. They need to be able to chat in a normal way just like a parent, and gain support/get some sympathy or understanding/let off steam. Nannies are surely prey to the same needs as mums.

Obviously she shouldn't be inappropriate in her chat like giving details of your marriage or bank or something like that but I really don't think this was in that league at ALL!

Sounds like a normal m&t conversation to me. As Honoria says, she wasn't giving away your personal details - she didn't even say anything particularly negetive about your dd!

You are being a little over sensitive. Forget about it.

i agree with the last 2 posts!

Maybe I am oversensitive! Or maybe over-protective of DD1. It seems like such a negative portrayal of her as being jealous when her brother arrived. It is a big jolt to any child when they suddenly have a bit of competition, but she dealt with it so well, and was lovely towards her brother (not so now ).

It's not really such a big deal (but I'm still peeved).