Quit work or part time?

[sweetpotato29]

Just hoping for some balanced opinions here… I know I’m not the first in this situation and won’t be the last! I have a DS (1.5yrs) who is in nursery 3 days a week and am currently 7 months pregnant with our second. I cut a day at work, so I do 4 days in a hybrid job, mostly working from home, which I do enjoy.

My husband works FT and our split in terms of what we bring home in income is split 70% to him and 30% to me. I would say our combined income is probably around 110k per year? We have a mortgage, one car which we bought second hand, and we split all bills and outgoings to that % split.

My dilemma is that I’m wondering what to do when I finish my second mat leave… I could see if my work would be willing for me to go part time to 3 days a week, which would reduce our income slightly and we’d have extra childcare costs for our second child. Or I quit work completely for a few years and take both children out of nursery… I would worry about the impact on my career and pension contributions etc. but I also know that the children are only this little for such a short amount of time and would love to spend as much of it with them as I can…. But also know that nursery is really good for them, my son loves it there now and gets a lot out of it.

Just hoping to hear what other parents have done - would you have done it differently if you could? I know there’s no ‘right’ answer here!

Hi Op, our second is almost 11m and first is almost 4. I’m back in work in a few weeks and am doing compressed hours (so full time hours over Mon-Thurs) and having Fridays off with them. For me, the benefit of better finances, pension, not having to pay mat pay back & what they gain from nursery is worth it. I think the only improvement I could make is working 3 days a week but I can’t compress my hours that much! I also feel like it’s a huge benefit that the younger ones get subsidised hours from 9m, our nursery fees for 2 of them 4 days per week are slightly more than we paid for DD1 to go 3 days a week when she was 1!! I can’t imagine juggling all the household stuff whilst they were both home as a full time thing tbh. I am quite tidy and ordered in how I like to keep my house though so if you’re not like that, you’d probably have less of a problem with it. We have about the same household income although ours is more of a 50:50 split.

Never give up your job. Is your partner paying into a pension for you? Has he insured his life for you so you get a decent income if he dies? (you specifically named as beneficiary in trust so you get it fast without waiting for probate etc.) Will the mortgage be paid off? Are you holding the property as joint tenants so you get it if he dies etc? If not (and of course he can stop paying for all these anytime and will if the relationship becomes wobbly) you are placing yourself ( and therefore your children ) in a potentially desperate financial plight. Partners/ husbands can die, become ill, leave (maybe never to be seen again ( my father ) let alone pay child support) etc. Men are notorious for just getting a pension annuity in their name (because including a woman with her greater life expectancy lowers the income level). So on his death his wife is left in poverty.
Your chance of the marriage lasting are about 50 50. Are you married even? If not the chances of the relationship lasting are much worse.
It's a gamble. Are you prepared to take the risk? Once you have children you are not just risking poverty for you but for your children too. Never give up your job. Caveat. Unless you have a substantial private income. I wish!

I kept my job because I’m very risk averse, probably to my detriment. But I work 24 hours a week over four days and I find that I have enough time with my children, although maybe not enough for housework! It does help that me and my partner can work from home though, so there’s always someone at home if needed. I wouldn’t want to advise anyone else on how to make it work for their family, but that’s worked for us. I do know one woman who gave up her job for her children and she had an extremely difficult time finding another job when she decided to go back to work.

Thanks! I think where your thinking is at is where my thoughts align too… 3 days/part time would be ideal but not sure yet if it’s possible with work and would mean another pay cut if I couldn’t compress my hours that much. I do also have this mum guilt about not spending all the time I can with them while they’re little, like I’m my son’s favourite person atm, and I know that won’t last forever! 😭😅

Thank you this did give me lots to think about…. Yes we are married and he does have a substantial pension & investments through his work. Honestly I don’t know much of the details of it and I probably should. It is easy to fall into a sense of security, but I guess nothing in life is guaranteed! I do actually enjoy my work too which is the other thing and I am good at what
i do… I’ve already taken a hit but cutting a day (potentially cutting another) and not going for promotions.

This was my fear @tinymoon! I know lots of women do go back into work easily, but I would feel so out of touch and you’d be battling against other candidates who are currently in jobs and haven’t had a break… I do think it’s good for mums to keep something just for them. I think the mum guilt is eating me up and feeling conflicted about losing out on precious years with them

The mum guilt is strong isn’t it, I know how you feel. They always need you though, and they won’t remember the early years as much as the later ones. My eldest is 10 and he still needs a lot of my time! It is so hard being away from them when they’re little though. Could you go back part time for a bit and see how you feel?

Get a better grip on the family finances. Know exactly what your DH has and have a joint account.

In terms of going back to work...don't let guilt make the decision for you. If you think you'd be happier being a SAHM for a few years, do it. You can use free hours to keep them in nursery part time and enjoy this time with them, it really is a few short years. But only if you WANT that. If you love your job and want to carry on working, building a career, having something that's yours then do that. Your kids will be fine either way. It's really about your preference (and your DH if he has a view).

Aw I completely get it. If it’s any consolation I’m my DD’s fave person in the world still despite increasing her from 3-4 days per week 😅 they don’t really know you’re deciding to send them as such as all their friends are also there, it’s just the done thing. Plus you said he loves it so that’s half the battle.

This is personal, but I would say I am 100% a more present and better mum when I have a break (this is mainly since having 2) so I feel like going to work will be my new break! I found the transition from 1-2 quite difficult though so kudos to you as your age gap is much smaller! Let us know what you decide, and good luck xx

MN don't like women giving up work without pension plans, rightly or wrongly!

I only have one dd and DH and I earned similar before I gave up work this year. I honestly couldn't do it any more, the long days, commute and functioning as a mum and wife. It was a decision we made together as I was so unhappy.

Yes we won't be buying a merc any time soon, but I'm 100% happier at home.

Bear in mind if you drop hours, you need to work 16 hrs to get tax free childcare and "free" hours at nursery.

It's up to you what you do, but I can say it's working really well for me not working.

Part time

Make time / enjoy for your children

They grow up fast

If you can drop down to 3 days then you might find it a good balance if you enjoy working. One thing I would say though is that you should discount the argument that “nursery is good for them”. At such young ages they won’t be better off in nursery than with you.