How do we navigate with limited support

[Jambags]

Im a ftm (and this is my first ever post) to a gorgeous 6 week old and at this stage I am really beginning to notice the lack of practical options we have when it comes to childcare.
My mum passed away as a teenager, and my dad although incredible and eager to help has a visual impairment which means that he will not be able to safely mind our daughter for a good while. My partner's family live about 130 miles away and again - although eager to help, are not really in a practical position to help us with childcare.
Whilst I obviously anticipated this scenario through pregnancy, now she's with us I know it's important to have that downtime WITH her dad instead of every social occasion being something we either don't go to or one of us goes leaving the other behind. I see my friends having incredible loving support from their families and it's beautiful although we need to create our own toolbox and network for our own circumstances. It's also hammered home the significance of not having my mum - who would of been an incredible grandma - here too.

I do have some apprehension towards finding a babysitter both locally and in another city that we often visit to see close friends. I don't know if it's mum guilt or just nervousness about leaving little one with someone, does anyone have any wisdom they can share on a. Feeling comfortable doing it, b. The best ways to find someone trustworthy - feeling very overwhelmed with options.

Firstly: congratulations on your baby!

I’m many years ahead of you in this parenting lark but I do think that the difference between those of us who don’t have practical family support and those who do is one of, if not the biggest, differences in families (feels for me bigger than being a SAHP or not). Don’t assume that all families will help, even if geographically they appear available.

I’ve known parents with babies as young as yours use paid babysitters - word of mouth is key here. As they get older, find people in your position and do swaps with them. Once they start daytime childcare, you’ll know more people who might do babysitting

Do you have any strong friendships where you are OP? I have a couple of friends who are in your position and we have always been more than happy to look after their children so they can have that downtime & nights off etc so it’s worth an ask?

We were in the same position. GP either deceased or very elderly when DS was born. They played no active part in DS’s life.

No other babies or young children in the extended family meaning we ended up having to sort out everything ourselves. We didn’t receive even an hour of support from anyone.

None of our friends had babies at the same time as we were older parents. The ones who did have DC had ones who were already late teens/early 20’s.

We saved up a lot of money before having DS as we knew we’d need to pay for all support.

DS starts Reception in a few weeks so I’m hoping we’ll find some like minded parents there who will be willing to offer some mutually beneficial support. If not we’ll keep paying for whatever we need.

There’s not much you can do to change your wider family circumstances so my best advice would be to join as many groups as possible.

I went to baby groups, toddler groups, swimming groups, nursery events, literally everything I could find. That helped me connect with other parents who had DC of the same age. It helped enormously.

Don’t turn down a single invite even if you feel swamped with stuff. You’ll be thankful in the long run.

Thankyou for all of the kind replies!
We do have some friends we can call on, but I do think I'd struggle to ask them, particularly where she is so small at the moment.
We have talked about it together though and decided to try and get a few different baby sitters lined up and meet them so we don't come across needing their services in an emergency scenario without a prior meeting.
Will absolutely keep an eye on the horizon for mutually beneficial support as suggested though as well as feel this will be a godsend and also just a nice way of widening our network! Lots of love! X

We use a babysitter that we know and go out once a month. I think it's important as a couple to be able to spend time together away from family life so treat it as a bill likei would electricity etc