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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Live in mothers help / nanny (info on extra costs)

10 replies

summerscoming2025 · 06/08/2025 11:56

We have someone that lives in, sourced through agency.

Approx 30hrs a wk Monday - Friday.

She lives in so has her monthly wage, accomodation and groceries and mileage (using her car) paid.

She’s very happy in her work role

She gets her own groceries outside of our own, as we eat different things.

Bearing in mind she works 5 days a wk in her contracted hrs - how much would you said is an approx amount to reimburse for her groceries per week?

She does her weekly shop once a week and leaves receipt on side. The total amount can change week to week. Sometimes there’s multiple receipts, sometimes it’s less. Just not sure what’s a fair amount to cap it as?

She’s free to use and does use our milk, eggs, fruit (things we all generally eat that’s lying around the kitchen) ontop of her groceries here and there if she wants, needs to.

I’m finding sometimes she’ll go to get herself some extra shopping on a personal shopping trip when she’s got LO and pop some few bits for LO (when not asked to get anything) and use that personal trip to go get errands done for herself and because there’s been something added on the trip of her own accord (like an avocado or or pouch for LO in the trip into town. I’ll then get billed milage for this personal trip into town to cover her fuel costs. This is a trip for example to go to the post office to post some personal stuff or for her to go browsing round the shops. So I then end up covering her mornings fuel for this personal errands trip at 50p a mile. This can end up adding up a bit each time.

Am I wrong that this is a bit cheeky?

And on rare occasion I’ve paid her milage to go do a grocery shop for us (when I’ve been short of time) - and I say rare occasion as since this has happened below, I decided it’s best I always go do our personal grocery shop now always. But when she did this on odd occasion previously, I noticed she’d added extra groceries beyond her previous own grocery shop for herself in that week. Onto our grocery shop. Like slipped in quite a few extra luxurie for herself.

Ive noticed she adds the odd hr or two onto her hrs worked also. Knowing I’m busy and thinking I may not have logged them down so it may not get noticed.

not loaded. But I'm also not stingy. I’m aware though, that the more money draining add ONS that get sneaked in or mis used eats into the amount that is there to employ her.

Just feel these cheeky add ons really undermine my trust and our relationship which I feel is good generally but when she does these things. It’s brings me back to reminding myself unfortunately people will take where they can. Do the least they can. Take short cuts. Do less hours. Slack on professionalism or the give and take attitude. And it’s uncomfortable to have to subtley rein it in 🤦♀️

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Michele09 · 06/08/2025 12:01

Could you not give a monthly allowance rather than reimbursing and a set number of hours.

summerscoming2025 · 06/08/2025 12:02

Yep, that’s what I’m thinking.

just trying to work out what is the going / reasonable set amount for groceries for her own groceries PW / PM

OP posts:
summerscoming2025 · 06/08/2025 12:05

Sorry there was a few typos on my original post but hope it generally makes sense

OP posts:
Smoothwater · 06/08/2025 12:05

Agreed with the above. Pay her to work set hours and be strict about not changing them.

if she is going to get her own groceries then you don’t need to pay her. If you need her to get you groceries then she can also go to other places during that time. If she goes to get your groceries ask for her to bring a separate receipt for the things you have asked for. Anything she buys for herself has to be on a separate receipt.

Holdonforsummer · 06/08/2025 12:08

It sounds like she has quite a generous package! I would say £50 a week should easily cover food, toiletries etc. and maybe an extra £10 a week for fuel? How does that compare to what you end up giving her now?

Michele09 · 06/08/2025 12:14

Are groceries in her contract? I worked as a live in au pair in France. I cooked for the children and me using ingredients the mother provided. I didn't have a separate food allowance.

summerscoming2025 · 06/08/2025 12:16

Smoothwater · 06/08/2025 12:05

Agreed with the above. Pay her to work set hours and be strict about not changing them.

if she is going to get her own groceries then you don’t need to pay her. If you need her to get you groceries then she can also go to other places during that time. If she goes to get your groceries ask for her to bring a separate receipt for the things you have asked for. Anything she buys for herself has to be on a separate receipt.

Yep we do that already. But she seems to forget conveniently these things when it suits her / can benefit her.

It really ruins my faith in her honesty and her longevity with us. Which is such a shame.
Just when I think something has been subtlety nipped in the bud on something she’s cutting corners or taking advantage on, it creeps up again.

Do want her to be with us a good long while, but when she does these cutting corners/ adding hidden but not so hidden extra benefits for her/cutting hrs by rounding them up when not all used up properly etc it just sets back that idea of her being with us as long as hoped.

OP posts:
jetlag92 · 06/08/2025 14:36

When we had an au pair, we just gave her a pre-paid Sainsbury's card for food for £35/week. Obviously food prices have gone up since then, though. How much is she spending?

Regarding the extra hours, just politely query them.

AnnaBalfour · 06/08/2025 14:44

I wouldn’t begrudge the extra groceries or mileage.

There should be a system for extra time, maybe she does lots of extra 10/15 mins here and there that could add up, hence the extra hours being charged. Maybe have a chat about how to log any extra time.

If she’s great with your DC I’d let it slide.

pushthebuttonnn · 06/08/2025 15:11

She's being a cf. As you say a lot of people will push boundaries if they get away with it. It already sounds like she gets a good deal. You need to find someone who won't do that imo. Next she could try and push the boundaries with your dc by not looking after them properly etc.

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