Working from home while nanny looks after your child

[Cinai2]

If you do this, does it work for you? I hear DS crying next door and after a couple of minutes I just can’t stop myself from going to check on him. I don’t get any work done and I think my nanny will quit soon because (understandably) she’s getting annoyed at me bursting in all the time and taking DS from her or interfering with how she’s doing things. But it goes against all my natural instincts to not go to DS when I can hear that he’s very upset. Do I just need to work in a cafe so that I can’t hear him while he’s with the nanny? But then I’m quite worried about what’s going on at home and I can’t focus on work either. I really don’t want to lose my job but I’m afraid that’s where I’m heading to with our current set up.

I think this is a really tough set up, for you and the nanny. You either need a nursery or to work out of the house.

Yes, I think it will be easier when he is in nursery which will be in 2 months time, if I can hold onto my job until then…maybe I’ll just look for another place to work from until then.

Yes, go to a venue where you can work in peace or have a study where you can close the door, your nanny should also be going out and about with your child.
Personally I would find this unbearable and preferred a nursery setting - although looking back this was about my needs not DC.

Ex Nanny here, I’d hate it, the dynamic totally changes when a parent is there full time. It also confuses the child at times.

I used to do it. It didn't really work. My kids were older and she's knock on my office door to tell me they were being naughty. We had to change that arrangement when she interrupted my CEO.

I retreated to work at my parents in this situation. (Only x1 day a week, the rest of the time I was not at home)

There's places where you can rent out a hot desk, that might be better than a cafe.

I used to nanny and I worked with 2 families where one parent worked from home. It was hard as the children knew their parent was there so often wanted to go and see them. I also felt like I had to be amazing at all times and I couldn't relax. I don't nanny anymore but I wouldn't do that set-up again.

I’ve been a nanny and had a nanny. I wouldn’t take a job that had a parent working from home unless the house was big enough they were hiding at the other end. When I had a nanny I would work out of a cafe rather than be home.

It worked for us, but only, tbh, because our nanny had been in place for some time when COVID hit and we both had workspace upstairs we could close the door on. Our kids were settled with the nanny and we knew she had things fully under control, so we had a rule that we never intervened and she was fully in charge during her work hours.

Most experienced nannies I've known flatly refuse to take jobs where the mother WFH for exactly this reason - it's setting them up for failure. You either need a workspace outside the home, or you need to be able to act like you literally aren't there - don't respond to the kids, don't allow them to come in, don't let them know you're there if at all possible.

Is there an option for u to either work from the office or rent a space somewhere else to work ?? Or work from a garden office ??

Imagine u trying to do ur work n someone constantly butting in and not allowing u to do it ! This must be frustrating and understandable for u as a mom u can't hear

If u have to buy a fully loaded noise cancellation headphone and put blasting music on n work

Noise cancelling headphones? You have to just not react and let nanny deal with it.
Alternatively ask her to go out for the day

I would be right out the door if I was your nanny. You are undermining her work big time.
You either need to get some noise cancelling earphones, go out of the house, control yourself a bit or put your child in nursery. Of course you can 'help yourself' from doing this. It's really rude. and not great for your employment neither if you're not focused on what you are supposed to be doing.

I don't understand how this has got to the point where you genuinely might lose your job within the next two months?

Even if you're comforting your child when they cry, that can't possibly take up too much time during the working day?

If you're going to have a nanny at home you need to leave her to do her job while you focus on yours.

I mean, imagine if the nanny kept bursting in on you doing your job. That's what you're doing to her

I would have a chat with your nanny and be honest. She isn’t doing anything wrong, it’s just natural instinct.

Saying that I think you need to stop interfering, as hard as that may be. If the nanny is qualified there is no reason for concern.

All day, in all weather?

I see now that this set up doesn’t work. I’m also unsure how well my baby and the nanny bond, today after a prolonged period of crying I went out and the nanny told me that he just refuses to eat, but when I started to feed him it was no issue at all and he finished his food. I totally get that I shouldn’t interfere in my nanny doing her job, but then again I don’t want my baby to be upset and hungry.

Your child is likely getting more upset because they know you are just behind a door. If you weren't there I would guess they'd settle quicker anyway. I'd find a coworking space for now.

Baby and Nanny won’t bond if you are there all the time and going in when he cries, you’re not allowing her to settle him.
Honestly I get it, I’ve Nannied for WFH families and I’m a mother myself and if I heard my son crying I would want to go to him but you either need to get really firm with yourself and allow them that time or work elsewhere. I’d also encourage your Nanny to take your child out and about to groups, the park, walks etc!

Either you trust her with your child or you don’t? How long has this arrangement been in place? And why is the baby going to nursery in two months? Is your child very young?

if youre making a habit of “bursting in” she’s going to be on edge every time he/she squeaks and it’s likely that tension is what’s not allowing your baby to settle.

I've done this because I had to go back to work at 16 weeks and wanted to keep BFing. You can make it work but you have to be really strict about locking yourself away. If the option is there to go in to the office I would take it at least for a few days and leave them both to settle?

But you constantly interfering is preventing them from having any chance to develop a bond. Unless you are going to SAH and not use any childcare, a child carer is always going to need time to develop a bond with your child, which they have zero opportunity to do with you jumping in every time the DC is upset.

My DC cried lots when they first started doing sessions with my nanny. Then they stopped. Then they started having tons of fun and ended up loving her very much. But every time you take over, you prevent the nanny providing any comfort to the baby and reset the bonding to zero, again and again and again. You're doing nobody any favours here.

If you really can't control yourself, start working outside the house asap or get a nursery place.

when dd was little, once I was in my home office I did not leave. I had an en-suite. I packed drinks and food to bring in with. I disappeared. Anything else was too confusing for dd.

Baby is 10 months, the nursery we chose has a long wait list and couldn’t offer us a place before September, that’s why I decided to work PT for now and I found a nanny who was happy to do 2-3 days per week over the summer. We have this arrangement for 4 weeks now.

The insight how my interfering prevents their bonding is helpful. This is all new to me as a first time mum just returning to work after many months of just me and him every day

I did it for years but basically I would not listen to what was happening outside of my office and the nanny also never interrupted me working.
Over 3 years maybe 2-3 times there was a genuine emergency where I came out asking if she wanted help / she knocked on my door to ask for help.