Nanny Responsibilities - Am I expecting too much?

[Anonymous2029]

Hi we have a nanny for our 17 month old, I have an older 7 yo child at school.

She does 2 long days 0730-1815

Baby sleeps for 2.5 hours in the day.

At the moment she prepares a hello fresh meal for the children during that time (portion big enough for us too) so I guess this is over and above expectations as they should only be cooking for kids but I figured an extra couple of portions of the same meal would be fine?

Im just a bit concerned that she doesn’t use that time to prepare activities. Shes been with us 6 months and hasn’t done any home activities with him except play with his toys. I mentioned that I would like him to go to playgroups as he’s not socialising at a nursery setting so she does this one of the days but AIBU to expect that she should be doing messy play or some sort of stimulating activities at least occasionally?

Also would you expect some sort of other home baking kind of snacks occasionally? Annoyingly she’s started to give packet snacks for some reason which I need to address as this isn’t my preference

School is 8-4 5 min walk away so still decent chunks of the day to fill

So presumably during the 2.5 hours of nap she's taking a 1 hour break for herself?
Then how long does the cooking take? 1 hour including clean up?
If you want her to fill the other 30 minutes with baking snacks then ask her directly, but bear in mind that sometimes the baby won't sleep the full 2.5 hours and naps will reduce soon too.

Sounds like you are not being clear or direct with your requirements. If you don't want the children to eat particular snacks don't buy them and ask her not to by them.
If you want the baby to go to a class or playgroup every day then explicitly say that and come up with some suggestions together.
If you expect her to do messy play at home, have you actually said that?
Maybe get a book of baby/toddler activities and ask her to do one a week.

Is she a proper nanny ( ie fully trained and paid accordingly) or an unqualified babysitter? How much previous experience does she have?

If she is a proper nanny I would have expect her to sit down with you and discuss exactly how you wanted to organise the day - balance between indoor and outside activities, structured/unstructured play etc. This would be reviewed by you both on a regular basis. She would probably have her own ideas and recommendations.

If she is a babysitter you need to manage her exactly as you would manage someone in any work setting. Clear objectives, regular reviews, feedback etc. If you want her to do somethinh in a certain way, you need to tell her what and how. You cannot rely on her to take the initiative.

On food, again you need to tell her what you want him to eat and not rely on her choices. Your post sounds as if you are a bit passive and expecting her to make the decisions. Assuming she gets a lunch break it may not be so straightforward to cook in the remaining down time though. Maybe you could bake cookies with your older child?

I think you need to communicate what you want. I currently nanny for toddlers that will only nap in their buggy out and about so I pretty much get no time to do anything or take much of a break at all. In previous jobs I’d get what I can done and prepare a meal/do children’s laundry but i’d fully expect to be able to sit down and have a break too.

I have baked my own snacks before but no time to do that in current job. It takes up a big chunk of nap time if that’s what you want for a baby that won’t always be napping for that period of time or as reliably.

I much prefer being out and doing things anyway and we go to a few local playgroups and the library and play parks, but if my boss wanted me to take them to a specific class I’d expect her to discuss it with me arrange that.

Are you WFH or leaving her to her own devices? I do some activities at home but mostly water play, or letting them choose their own toys to play with and engaging with them while they do it or reading or singing with them. Planning a proper activity like messy play can be a bit soul destroying when there’s only 1/2 babies who will get bored after ten seconds of it and want to do something else.

She’s a qualified nanny, I am very passive! The children really like her so I don’t want to upset her I just wondered what I should be expecting really, and what other people’s experiences are.

it’s not the end of the world as it’s only 2 days and we do lots of things on the other days

Thanks this is helpful

Definitely sounds like you actually need to discuss and communicate what you want. Being passive is no good if you want her to guess what you're thinking.

When you say she’s cooking for ‘us’ do you mean for herself and for you? Or excluding her?

She gives packet snacks ? Do you buy these ? If so stop buying them

shes giving them as in the cupboard

m if on the other hand nanny is buying them at a shop then say to her

i don’t think I have ever made snacks - what do you want cooked ?

You actually need to tell the nanny as we are not mind readers

tbh if she is a qualified exp nanny I am suprised she doesn’t go to activity’s ir meet up with other nannys with similar age children

at The interview did you talk about activities /going out /what routine /things nanny was going to do

agree it takes maybe 30mins to set up a craft /messy activity and the child may play with it for 2//5mins

but easy enough to buy some paints /crayons and some paper

or chalks. I love and as do kids drawing on a patio with chalks

We encourage her to eat with the children which is why I buy the meals for 4 so enough for 3 adults and 2 children

I don't get this bit. Is it a midday meal (but then isn't your 7 year old at school) or an evening meal (after nanny has finished work)? Who eats it and when?

An evening meal but I choose things that can be made in advance and warmed in case it’s tricky with kids - children eat at 530 ish

It’s lovely you offer means to the nanny (*
I always was told to help myself and could have breakie lunch and tea there if wanted )

tho at 530 that’s too early for me and
i would have wanted to eat with my dh at home at 7/730

but

i always sat with the children and talked about their day etx

What snacks do you want your kids to have exactly? I would buy or make them yourself .

I think expecting her to bake snacks is a little ott.

I think it depends what you are paying her and what you mean by qualified. I was a nanny for many years and did all the things you mention but I’m also a qualified teacher and early years specialist, I was being paid accordingly. If she has basic childcare qualifications and you are paying minimum wage then I think someone who your children like and who is cooking for you is enough.

Home baked snacks, wtf? Why don't you bake them?

It sounds like she's fairly reasonable in what she doing. But obviously you feel there's certain gaps.

Simply state up front specific activities/stay and play/park/ soft play/ kids dance class etc you'd like her to try and fit in and sit down with her to see if some or all of it is feasible in the time.

Could she meal prep then refrigerate or defrost things? Rather than cook a whole meal for everyone from scratch each day?

When you speak of messy play, that obviously involves a bit of cleaning up the environment and the child which she may have not felt she had the time to do? Or didn't want to make too much mess?

These things should be easily rectified with a two way conversation. Maybe to then set out a schedule in writing?

Ok home baked snacks are a bit of a stretch but I have previously baked scones, flapjacks cheese straws etc in jobs as a nanny but that was when the kids evolved to having a couple of days at nursery and another sibling at school but the parents wanted to keep me on to cover sickness and holidays and all the rest of it. I quite enjoy it! But If there’s young children at home full time, I’m not going to be finding any time for baking!

I do let children help me cook where appropriate but that’s more of an activity for them as it’s certainly not helpful or convenient to do it that way.

She doesn't have to bake them does she? I thought OP meant that instead of giving a packet of baby crisps, she'd like her to cut up an apple, put some houmous on some toast etc?

I do think that if you're paying a childcare professional, they should be making at least the same amount of effort as you do, if not more, with coming up with activities etc. It's not that difficult to come up with ideas for crafts/games/helping with cooking etc. They manage it easily enough in nurseries!

Oh sorry, @Azandme , OP does say baking. But could be a really easy fun activity with the toddler, banana pancakes etc. Or something that takes about five mins like porridge fingers. With just one child for almost the entire day I don't think that's too much to ask.