Nannie’s - have you worked for a mother with depression (possibly PPD). Or mothers who have experienced PPD / agrophobia/ depression like this

[anon567890]

Mother is going through trying time in her life and has enlisted having a nanny to make sure LO doesn’t suffer developmentally from this period in her life.

Mothers by no means wealthy like those that would say get a nanny because they can, and be out living the life of leisure or be working away from home scenario. She is within the differently category of parent that needed help while they’re battling personal issues. Puts aside luxuries to be able to do this (enlisting help of nanny), giving herself 6 months to a year to get better she hopes. She’s hoping to back on track in next 6 months.
Started SSRI’s.

Mother obviously struggling but doesn’t let it show to LO. LO’s too young to notice but she is always encouraging and gets into up beat mode for LO when they spend their time together. But mother has said she felt guilty where had reached burn out and had nothing left to give LO at times and this is where idea of nanny for this period of time to get her health back on track seemed right thing to do.

Some days she doesn’t shower and is in her pj’s for example but says she finds calm in (if she doesn’t have enough in her to do long day with LO) she will get jobs done round the house. Clean, prepare meals for LO. She says she feels guilty she can calm her mind doing these mundane household things that go towards making sure everything’s ready for LO and nanny to enjoy their time together where she’s falling short in other as aspects.

So it a not like she’s in bed all day doing nothing.

Feel for her as she longs to have it in her to go take LO to all the fun days out she wishes she could. But finds it hard some days to leave the house. So she watches the nanny go to groups and classes with LO and see’s the videos and pictures of their fun while she’s in her words feels stuck in her mental state at home stuck within the walls trying to battle her way through this period she’s going though, keeping busy preparing food for them when they get back / tidying / cleaning the house etc and longs to be able to go do these things they do she’s said.

Theres a lot of changes going on in this ladies life. Loss of living family members. Entering motherhood alone and legal court case she has going on.

I can see the SSRI’s are helping but I think it will be when her legal court case she has going on is finally over and other work she is doing on herself to get herself back to her old self is when things will start to get better.

It’s sad that someone goes through this and as a result watches others enjoy LO on trips out and she painfully has to watch it from a video or photos later. The pain i know she feels.

Did anyone nanny for someone going through this.
Or any other mothers out there have suffered from this type of situation. Did SSRI’s help or what else would you say helped you if you experienced this to get back better

Yes. I did about 6 months for a family where the mother very clearly was struggling. I was never told details but she left her medication on the kitchen side so i knew. She had a 4 year old and 18 month twins and a husband who earnt lots of money but was never around and not supportive. I remember their 4 year old had lots of behavioural issues and when school was anted to discuss it dad was concerned about how having a problem child would reflect on him. The MIL was often visiting too and she had minimal English and wife had to entertain her while dad worked those long hours and get criticised badly all the while. MIL would make comments she had a nanny and a cleaner and wasn’t working.

the poor woman got absolutely no support. It was clear to me having the twins without any support had been the catalyst for what I think had been a breakdown before I was hired. It was horrible to watch as that father being a shit husband and father was the clear problem but everything was dumped on mum being a low quality woman and not being able to cope (what the MIL made clear- I assume dad had similar opinions but I rarely saw him).

they had money so mum spent a lot of time at the local private club/spa place. Constant facials and massages waxing etc. She once delayed a couple hours to finish her treatments and have a swim before coming to the hospital when I rushed her toddler in struggling to breath.

she used to walk around the house in her dressing gown but it was often open and she just had pants and a t shirt on. She would also have greasy hair on Mondays as clearly if I wasn’t there to watch her kids she was unable to shower.

she did come to quiet a few toddler groups and would take me with her to see friends for lunch where I would end up watching friends kids too. A group of 4 of them got drunk/just not supervising their kids in the garden one day and I was supervising something like 10 under 5s. That was the week I gave my notice as the job was sucking my own mental health.

I actually had no problem with her walking about in t shirt and pants and not knowing if she would be with me and the kids or out doing her own thing/sleeping all day. She was a woman clearly in need of support. I was younger then and did my job with the kids and housework but never said anything to her- if I had that job now I would put much more effort into supporting mum and affirming to her 3 kids in a massive house without help is hard and she’s not a failure and her husband and MIL were not nice to her.

advertise the job as mothers help and housekeeper. A housekeeper does more than a cleaner and takes on much of the mental load. And my advice is hire a mature woman with life experience. No criticism to young nannies but I’d say experience of being a mother in this world would be a huge benefit.

i wish you luck with it.

I wonder if the mum and nanny could go to activities together with the LO as the joy she’d get from interacting with the outside world & seeing her LO in these environments would help more than she realises & ensure she’s not missing out on the magic moments.