Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

[majorstress]

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

And how are things going this evening? Maybe you could watch Child of our Time this evenening with her?

I had to go to work (emergency) as soon as DH finally got home, but because of the reminders on another thread I got home for the last half of Child of our time. Good Old Lord Winston, he is really a nutter (my Professor boss knows him and disapproves of his TV exploits, but my boss is just jealous). My Millenium babe just squeaked in and is the youngest in the school, it has been really really hard for me (not a bother on HER!!, I just wasn't ready at all. Inertia never watches anything with me though I have tried and don't mind having the subtitles on to help her, she just can't understand it well enough to be interested. Madly looking for alternatives to this sad lodger in my home...

Please, what is a BUNAC visa? I have seen a midwesterner like myself who might work. Found on another thread that nannies expect £70 to £80 A DAY-this is astounding to me, comparing my pay with a Phd and many many years of experience, I definitely chose the wrong job.

a BUNAC visa is for recent foreign university graduates (non Commonwealth, non EU/EEC). it allows the bearer to work for 6 months only.

Re: your rubbish lodger and childcare probs(understatement?!) - another suggestion - have you tried Norland nanny school? Their students do a 1 yr probation, often in London. Passing their exams is dependent on your good references ... this is the agency set up by the school, [email protected] or telephone Clare Dent / Kate Hale on 01225 823 052.
They justifiably have an excellent reputation and aren't always as expensive as you might think ... especially before graduation.

Could be worth a shot?

Copied from Norland.co.uk

The BUNAC "Work in Britain" program allows American students to spend six months working in the UK. There are tight eligibility requirements for the student, which can be found on this site:

BUNAC Blue Card

PS we pay our Norland less than quoted, inclusive of tax. She earned c. £30 a day live-in pre-graduation.

Somehow I don't think a Norland nanny is on the cards...

I looked at the website. I am open to suggestions. If I hadn't sent dd2 to the local Montessori in an effort to integrate into our community of one year (Hah! hollow laughter. Will I ever learn that I will never integrate into any community?) I wouldn' need a live in as I could find something for the school age on more readily

OK, at the risk of getting shot down here (skeptic!!), I think you deserve a break majorstress. If that means hiring a Mary Poppins for a couple of months while you sort things out, then so be it. The important thing to do is to reclaim your house, your kids, your health and some sense of enjoyment in your job / life. I have totally been there done that am wearing the colour worn T-Shirt. Even gave up all attempts at work for 3 months while sorting things out. WHich was, on reflection, better than being at work but constantly re-arranging childcare, having panic attacks etc.

Please don't start getting negative about everything (eg you can't integrate etc etc). You and your kids need you to be easier on yourself and happier.

God I am a real advice giving bore, aren't I? I think I will leave you in peace now.
Best,
T-Shirt Woman.

Uh, is Mary Poppins real? Send her my way!

She is alive and well, and doing the ironing downstairs as I type ... while little one snoozes in this room & I waste precious time on the net when I should be working!!

(Just jinxed it all now haven't I?!)

Yep, your gonna find scortched patches the shape of the iron on your shirts.

So, let me get this straight, since you are keeping Mary Poppins, you are going to send her over to Majorstress so she can boot her little girl back to Hungry? At no cost to majorstress?

Only prob with that idea is that I would turn into majorstress and have to start a whole new thread about how I had a huge research project due in mid-April but my Mary Poppins had gone to help a friend in need and I was about to lose my funding if it didn't get handed in and my book contract would then fall through plus my husband was on a weapons inspection tour in Moldova and my Mum lives in France and my MIL has a heart defect and I had already spent 1 year in career limbo because of Katkin the Sofa gherkin and Sheena the Daydreamer and the Nursery from Hell that let my son's excema get infected and forgot to tell me and oh he had an allergic reaction yesterday but then we're not sure so maybe we're irresponsible idiots oh and btw we need 2w month's notice if you want to remove him

sorry just had a thread hijacking moment

maybe I needed to get that off my chest

will get back to wearing my T Shirt and leaving you all in peace

Another au-pair "owner" here from SW London. I have a lovely Polish aupair who works up to 40 hrs per week for me. I made the decision to keep my cleaner for 3 hrs a week to do all the "heavy" stuff and I only ask the aupair to tidy toys & do children's ironing.
I "pay" her £80 per week, she has free run of food & house with TV & stereo in her room, plus unlimited use of the internet.
She has every Monday off and every second weekend off and on the weekends when I have the children on my own (single mummy), she works 4hrs on Sat & Sun.
I think I am lucky as she is very nice & grown up. Have to encourage her with toy tidying sometimes but usually suggest that we do it together - and then offer to make her a cup of tea while she finishes it off!!!!!
I found this particular aupair through a great agency in Wiltshire called Totos Aupair Agency 01666 841225.

HEY thanks guys, well presumably gals. I'm trying to learn to laugh again- last night I got the ocado shopping delivered deliberately while Inertia was at home and she managed to put most of the shopping away (this has required intensive training for several weeks prior). Only one problem-she took all the food out of the freezer to throw away because it was past its sell-by date. Since it was originally fresh stuff that she put in there only last week, obviously the sell-by date is irrelevant. Luckily I got home shortly after and put it back in before it had thawed at all, and tried to explain... so it was funny really. Also shows signs of a growing consciousness of what might help, don't you think?. Then DH and I met at the school for our very first parent-teacher meeting, then we went out for a meal while she put them both to bed (a first). It was cut short by my back pain/sciatica (can't sit on normal height chairs for long at the moment), but that just saved money on the extra babysitting (part of my insane contract) since we got home at 8:30-they were nearly asleep, and we got an unexpected early-bird discount at the restaurant. So everything is really JOLLY, OK!? KEEP LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, ETC ETC. . BUT I'm still looking for another one....and willing to pay for Mary Poppins AND a cleaner as discussed with DH over dinner...

I haven't earned the t shirt yet, can I have a sticker?

do you think I should consider someone whose email address is jesusisourrock? (I'm afraid we don't share that view, though I will spring to the defense of anyone's choice of beliefs as long as they aren't violent or harmful to others). Has anyone had experience, good or bad, of religious differences in people you get in your home to help you?
Maybe this should be in the spirituallity subject or whatever it's called....

I would say that's a big warning sign. I'm actually moderately religeous myself (Anglican). But, this person is probably very dedicated to her religeon and it might not be the same as yours. Do you want your kids to be taught her religeon???? Like, she might think Barney is the devil, while you might think he a postive role model. Or, if you want her to take your kids to church ativities, she migh have leagal rights to say no based on freedom of religeon (uhhh... or maybe that's only in the US). Anyway, she's either really dedicated to her religeon or made that e-mail address just for parents to think she's a good religeous sort, in which case she would be misrepresenting herself. And that alone would strike her off my list.

For example, my first au pair was polish and presumably catholic (but only on Sundays!). Anyway, she mentioned to DH that she thought it was sacreligeous to attend a non-catholic church. This would be a problem for me now because DD is old enough to go to COE toddler groups, and that is a requirement for the job.

I positively want a Christian au pair.

However, our last au pair had different practices from us, which turned out to be quite inconvenient (mass 3 or 4 times a week, and fish on Fridays) although we tried our best to be respectful, not that she really appreciated the efforts we went to.

3 cheers for Intertia ... !

She gets the outstanding contribution of the week award (this is a relative prize).

Majorstress gets a brand new T-Shirt. It gets colour worn once Inertia puts it in the wrong wash.

HI Tiggus, yes hip hip, and thanks for the T shirt! I don't let Inertia put in the laundry, the privelege of turning everything pink and grey and pilly is for me alone. I see it as the kids' and DH's badge of courage, that says, "my wife/mum works outside the home, (and is useless inside it too)". Some of these little girls on Greataupair are SOOO precious, I sent a group email to my hotlist of about 40 (I know, I know, it's more like a lukewarmlist) to say I would prefer someone to start around Easter, when I can take time off to welcome them properly, and I got SUCH a snotty reply from one saying she didn't finish college until June 15, and so she was really surprised and disappointed I couldn't wait any longer, almost HOW DARE YOU? sort of tone (I didn't say that, in fact I MIGHT be willing to wait..but not for her). It's kinda cute, was I ever like that? Decided that religion is the least of my worries right now, eternity, etc., who cares? Though thoughts of checking into a Zen Monastery with no forwarding address just keep sneaking in....

See, I just don't trust those Great Au Pairs ... too easy for them to post and not think about the job / responsibilities. But then we all know I am a bore and turning into my mother. I am busy now but remind me to tell you about the time that I was an au pair in Italy ... fairly embarassing for everybody concerned ...