Those with ‘live in’ nanny / mothers help person living with them. - can I get some advice on how much you’re paying the person and other matters and issues 🙏

[H515]

Apologies that this is a bit long

So I’m an only solo parents with no extended family. Was struggling WFH and a lot of life external stress and my health. So in Jan a lady joined us who found through an agency. (Having not experienced this type of situation before. After looking for someone independently, in end, felt safer to go through an agency).

The minimum hrs help I could get a week through an agency for live-in candidate was 35 hours a week mon-fri.
Tbh I always knew this was going to be too many hours of help needed, but I went with it as I really needed the help and was struggling. And really wanted someone else in the house who could have a bond with my daughter and widen her world beyond myself.

Having experienced having this scenario since January and the candidate found through the Agency since Jan. I’ve now realised what we need and what we don’t. What’s working for us and what isn’t.

She’s great with my daughter, and my daughter has thrived having her on board. So I’m so grateful for that. But there are some issues where this lady takes a few liberties. Slacks a bit. And isn’t very proactive in some areas of her work possibly.

She’s not good at meal prep, I’ve ended up always making sure my daughter is fed nutritionally well and doing the meal prep myself. She also doesn’t seem to clean up after herself. (little issues like the family bathroom she shares with my daughter she never cleans herself even just now and then even though she uses it. Leaves dirty food cooking mess after her own cooking, for me to clean off the hob etc.

It amazes me that she can cook for herself at times from scratch (so she CAN cook lol) (which I found when I’ve come back home early has been in her hours she includes in the contractor hours of her 35hrs a wk. When my little one is asleep. When she could be doing meal prep for my own daughter or at least cleaning up around after herself in those hours or just using that time for things that benefit my daughter even if my LO is asleep 🤦‍♀️

To give more of a picture of her wage and other aspects.

• We are south of England based.
• She clears net pay of £1,787.71 pcm (which I pay directly into her account every month).
• I then pay through a payroll system through the agency her NI contributions, pension contributions etc on top separately.
• She charges me 50p per mile whenever she drives my daughter in her car. I know it’s only a little amount difference. But I’ve seen other nannies mention online that they charge a flat rate of 45p per mile.
• With her Groceries; for live in people in this role their Groceries are included. Some families just say to the candidate to add their groceries to the weekly shop that gets delivered weekly for the household for example. And that some let them do their own grocery shop and then you compensate them back that. For our household we agreed was best she gets her own groceries of what she wants to eat and I pay her back after every grocery shop as it works better for our household as I don’t eat much and just grocery shop for my daughter etc.

Bearing in mind she works Monday to Friday. Her grocery shop receipts have come to between £50 - £65 a wk. Is this about right? (it does bug me a little that she forgets to use my nectar or Tesco club card when she does these shops that I end up paying for and uses her own nectar card/Tesco club card. So I gently politely remind her that could she use my one instead. I do have to keep reminding her this 🤦‍♀️. As every bit makes a difference. She also keeps buying new shopping bags every time she does a food shop which I have to politely gently remind her we have a whole load of long life bags. Again this adds up every time and seems wasteful. She also throws away a lot of food, totally unused. I’ve even fished out one or two items and just used them myself due to the wastage 🤦‍♀️.

She hasn’t once cleaned the shared bathroom she shares with my daughter. Or my daughter’s room. Dusted the sides. Changed the bedsheets. Anything like that. I’ve i’ve always done it myself. (Literally feel like I’m the house cleaner for an extra person that I’m paying to live here at this rate). So have recently politely suggested that when she’s with my daughter if she could once a week clean around my daughter’s room, even if it’s me LO crawling around her while doing this if she needs to. Like I do. It’s not hard to do both at the same time for an hour a week 🤷‍♀️.

Like I said, these have just been things that have bugged me and accumulated a bit. Where I’ve been so grateful for the fact that she is flexible on her hrs (literally tells me what hours do you want me to do tomorrow etc). This suits her personality. And she doesn’t actually have a social life or any family. And has mentioned, she loves the flexibility of this rather than a regimented type scenario of where she worked in a nursery before. This has actually really suited me. And it works for both of us..
I know I wouldn’t get this flexibility with most people and the fact that it works for both of us and was her suggestion I realise how lucky I am for this aspect.

• - - - -

I guess I’m just wanting to find out from others, if I’m paying the appropriate wages for these kind of hours. Someone that lives in. And what she actually does to help around the house.

As I might switch things up when we move closer to London. And put my daughter into nursery part-time. And perhaps look for a different type of live in candidate. Or perhaps offer her the option of if she wants to find external work, and we do less hours for our contract.

I don’t want to remove her from my daughter’s life as they have a great bond. And my daughter has grown into such a happy well rounded now toddler from having someone else in the house. Where I know she wouldn’t have been if it was just me and her.

This lady mentions she loves this role compared to working in nurseries where she was overworked and stressed. Having to pay rent to rent a room in dodgy shed house rentals also in the past. That she feels she’s become part of our family where she didn’t have any family. And I do feel the same, it does work well in some aspects but I do feel she takes the mick here and there.

I’ve given her lifts to the airport when she’s had an annual leave and taking a holiday out of her holiday times / allowance. And given her lifts and back when her car has been in the garage. Been really flexible about when she’s been ill here and there and only let me know on the morning of the day which has really left me in the lurch now and then. I’ve never expected anything back from helping her out with driving her things that benefit her and save her money. But she also doesn’t do anything for free for us (not that I would ever expect that as she’s a paid employee at the end of the day). But I guess someone would now and then offer a free hour of babysitting once in a blue moon out of gratitude for the gestures I do for her. I never expect anything back like the things I’ve mentioned above. But hey hoy. It is what it is.

I have noticed from her history of when she did live in childcare type roles historically that she’s spoken about. That she mostly only ever ended up being in these roles for a year. So maybe that goes to show possibly that other others found similar issues to me and didn’t keep her on. As I know a lot in her role to end up staying a few years. And I did kind of hope for that for my daughter.

I’m not made of money and I make a huge financial sacrifice for my daughter to have this Person in her life where we like an extended family and our world as a family is small. But I guess I need to weigh up the pros and cons.

Any advice would be great for those who have experienced hiring someone like this to live in. Or even those who have worked in the industry and have experience with how these roles work and the ins and outs.

Thanks a lot

Get an au pair and a cleaner? Way less money… she sounds lazy. She should clean her own bathroom - whose job does she think it is?

I don't understand what it is exactly that you are asking for? Are you asking for help on managing your nanny?

How old is your daughter? If she's still only a toddler I'd expect the nanny to not have much time to clean or cook, especially when she's only on 35 hours a week. Were you specific about looking for a hybrid housekeeper/nanny when you employed her as many of them see their role as taking care of the child and will expect you to hire a cleaner for cleaning. Around here it costs about £4k monthly for a full time live in housekeeper/nanny so I think you do have to be realistic about what you're asking for on her salary. But it's also not uncommon to go through a few nannies before you find one that works for your family.

LO is 16 months, pretty easy-going baby Now she’s a toddler, self plays Happily, easy to feed etc.

The lady wanted a lesser hr role so that’s why she contacted the agency saying the role sounded perfect for her.

35hrs basically equates to 7 hours a day if she does seven hours a day on the Monday to Friday 35 hours contract agreement Which to be honest she doesn’t end up doing and doesn’t use the leftover hours to be doing anything for the baby like cleaning the bathroom. She shares with the baby and other things that could relate to the baby which I’m pretty sure is what is in their contracts? Bearing in mind she never has to ever start before 9am. My daughter sleeps for three hours in the middle of the day. I’m around to lend a hand if she wants to go to the toilet or make an important phone call. I help a lot to be honest, and maybe that’s where she seen me as a soft touch.

I seem to be doing all the cooking for My daughter. As otherwise, she just ends up giving her bread and leftovers from fridge If she’s left her own devices with her and feeding 😵‍💫. It said on her little résumé the Agency sent over that she liked to bake and cook as a pass time 🤷‍♀️. But I’ve only ever seen her cook for herself in the time that she’s meant to be watching my daughter and my daughters Sleeping and I’ve been out the house and come back early. My daughter’s bottles and highchair not even washed and many times left for me to do a lot of the time when I take over.

I guess being a first time employer of someone in this role I’m seeking advice from others of if the costs I’m paying sound about right. Even though I’ve gently asked her if she could clean round the bathroom, she uses and likes to call her bathroom so at least now and then I don’t have to rush clean the bath and the floor space in the bathroom when I go Bath my baby. She never wants cleans up after all the mess she leaves of food debris on the kitchen side when she cooks for herself or the hob. She’s never hoovered the living room/dining room which is my daughter‘s play space. All cleaned my daughter‘s room like even dust the cobwebs or change her bedsheets.

I’ve come home early and she’s been in her room watching TV when there’s stuff on the side to clean up after my daughter and my daughter is asleep. And it’s not like she’s overworked because sometimes this is on days where she’s only done say three hours with my daughter in the morning. And yet is including the time that she’s sitting in her room watching TV or cooking for herself some gourmet meal In the 35 hours quota.

I know it’s my own fault being new to this of having this situation of having someone live in For a childcare role. And I’m not a walkover, but I Want to tread carefully about reassessing How she goes about doing things as at the end of the day she lives under the same roof And I don’t want it to be uncomfortable nor for it to affect my daughter.

I’ve fallen out with a friend who says she takes the Mick, And another friend has pointed out she doesn’t do much That they thought someone in her role should do.. but I do really need this person in my daughter’s life to widen her world where we have a limited / No external family. I see the joy it brings my daughter to have someone else in the house as if like other Children had more than one person in the house And that interaction.

I’ve even stupidly gave her two rooms as there was a spare room next to her room when we moved to our current place. Once I did this She then had cheek to ask for the huge hallway upstairs cupboard to have as her wardrobe as ‘she didn’t want to put a wardrobe in her room’. They’re two small double rooms. A friend and I were shocked when she said this (Is that would basically equate to half the floor pan of the upstairs of the house!) when we moved here who was helping me with the move and so later I politely said it would be used for baby items. But she’s just generally quite cheeky / The type of person, if they can get away with something they would. But not nasty.

So yes, I’m here for advice on how others have approached issues that have arisen. Even If they’ve gently politely tried to mention things In passing in the past and nothings changed.

I’m not asking for her to be a housekeeper and full-time nanny. The contract is for 35 hours and they barely get used up for what she needs to do or does. I’m the house cleaner. I clean and cook when the babies down until late in the night so everything’s ready for her the next morning. But surely I shouldn’t be having to clean up after her When she uses the kitchen or bathroom for personal use and seems to think I’m her cleaner too?
as common sense to clean up after your cooking for yourself and to wipe down the bathroom after yourself. Plus general tidying after the child to some extent or any extent in paid hrs that she does nothing but see Ms to use as leisure time for herself if I’m not around should be kind of expected no?

She sounds bad at her job. Why don't you change nannies? As you said, you want someone to enrich your daughter's life, and she's obviously not doing enough. A good nanny is worth her weight in gold, and once you find the right one they'll be part of the family and stick around for years. I have very fond memories of our nanny growing up and she was with us for more than 10 years. DH's nanny has stayed on and transitioned into a housekeeper role and is still working for my mil now!

I’ve just gone over the contract the agency sent over template and she is meant to clean up anything related to the child. Which she just isn’t doing. I find it bizarre that she Goes through stages of ‘I’m gonna be a Masterchef now’ type of week now and then for herself when she’s on a ‘health kick’ and then cooks all these recipes for herself but can’t think of a healthy recipe for my daughter when there’s Spare hours to use up in her contract.

I don’t think she’s even picked up the Hoover for her own room/s. But I do feel she should be cleaning up the bathroom that she uses and spreads all her things around That is also used for my daughter and I keep it impeccably clean for This lady After I’ve used it for my daughter. Why can’t she just clean around after herself in there now and then. All the kitchen after cooking for herself and leaving a mess 🤷‍♀️

anyways, I’ll think of ways to broach this and other money wasting aspects I feel she doesn’t take into account, although I have lightly tried to in the past. But it doesn’t seem to hit home. Perhaps she realises I need her. But at the same time she says how much she loves this role and how much of an easy gig it is / a joyful gig As my daughter is a Joy (her words these comments in the past in passing) Compared to the kids and admin and everything that came with working in a nursery. That she hated living in shared houses where the hot water was limited to certain hours or the heating was. I’m really easy-going on all of this type of stuff. And that she can actually save and have flexibility with the hours she works by having a living role such as us ours.

It’s likely my fault for being so easy-going Whereas perhaps a two parent household (Two employers) It wouldn’t have been so easy going. And the lines of employer and employee have been blurred.

Yeah, I think I’ll have a long think about it when we relocate to London as there’ll be more looking for a role in that area. When I was going through the agency, it was hard to find ones who would be happy to live in our area in the south of England, Many wanted to be closer to London.

She is excited about the move with us. And said she doesn’t care where we moved to She would be happy with wherever we move to.. but I decided it would be north Surrey / Closer to London.

I just worry for my daughter to take her from her life as she’s become attached to her. The ladies is an extrovert and always has her laughing and giggling. It’s beautiful to see this aspect. Like I said, to my daughter, she’s just an extended part of our family in my LO’s eyes at this age. But of course she’s an employer to me at the end of the day and if the money is not being spent correctly, I should make a change at some point.

Perhaps I’ll see how things go when we move in the coming months and try to re-address The job role. While doing meet and greets with other potential candidates Who might be interested in the role Later on so my daughter can get used to them for short stints of babysitting and if someone more proactive who can achieve a good bond with my daughter. And then do a swap over to a new candidate.

I haven’t read everything op, as its very detailed, but I did read the finances bit. Wow, she’s on a good deal!! Free board, free lodgings and nearly £2k to spend on what she wants every month.

I expect you could get more for your money than what she is providing, but it’s a risk you take if she gets on well with your dd.

She doesn’t sound great at all but her hours are not paused when your daughter is asleep. So does she work 9-4 or 9 until an earlier time and then also some evening time? It’s not very clear.

This is what someone close to me said 🤦‍♀️ who had slight falling out with as they kept on at me at matters relating to the situation. But they had never had to do it alone and stress am personally under right now with a few things have going on in life. I literally need her so I asked them to wind they’re neck in and not say anything if they’re visiting. Which they didn’t do once, and made a snarky comment. (Which I had to later brush off to her as they’re just maybe slightly jealous of bond she has with my daughter as that person isn’t v maternal etc). But they keep digging on at me that I need to re address the employer / employee dynamic. That I’ve let her too much into my personal life they feel (which if you’re under same roof this can happen), they feel generally she is taking the Micky in a few aspects.
Though this is hard to navigate re configuring when someone’s content’ness can affect your LO if it goes wrong. And you live under the same roof. But it IS something will try to navigate carefully and politely over the coming month or two.

Why not suggest a 121 with her now she’s approaching the six month mark. You can reset your expectations now you have a feel for how her days are looking, and make it clear that you expect her to clean up after lo, cook and meal prep during the three hours your dd is sleeping. Firm your boundaries. You are her boss, not a relative.

I think it’s a mistake to rely on common sense because you clearly don’t have a shared framework.

My friend created very explicit guidelines for her nanny with three tiers of tasks - child focused during waking hours with certain daily requirements like walks, reading together, playing with the child and supporting independent play, mealtimes etc,
Second tier was child related tasks - cooking, laundry, tidying up. Things that can be done alongside minding, and involving the child.
Third tier is the “nice to do but non essential” tasks that fit into a long nap time after her own break, and would include folding the child’s laundry, a bit of batch cooking, prepping craft materials, running the hoover around.

It’s colour coded and stuck on the fridge which is why I know about it.

She’s not live in, so it’s a bit different in that respect. And it’s very much a nanny role only. There’s no housework except where it’s directly related to childcare; definitely no bathroom cleaning.

I think how I would approach it with her is that you’ve both had a chance to get to know each other and now it’s time to get a proper structure in place and get her to collaborate on what that should look like. Be realistic - she’s obviously not going to manage nutritious meals for your dd without your input so sort that yourself. She may see bathroom cleaning as a step down professionally.

You need to practise setting boundaries yourself - “I don’t think that will work for me” is a great placeholding phrase and if you can get to the point of saying it reflexively when you’re asked for something it buys you time to think with cheeky people!

But you should end up with an achievable list of tasks so you both have clarity on where you stand.

You need to just schedule a review - say it's for feedback from both sides,
Start with a positive - your daughter loves her! Positive from you - maybe she's reliable? Then mention everything else. Say you will put everything in writing.

No, her hrs if my daughters asleep if she’s “on working hrs previously agreed” and she has monitor etc then that’s working hrs. Ofcourse.
Thats why I struggle to comprehend when have come home or in and it’s “working hrs” (that come from her 35hrs a week) that she’s cooking some gourmet meal for herself from scratch watching tv on her phone and think to myself.. why didn’t she think to cook like this for my daughter off her own back as food prep with this time or think to run the hoover round her play area.

There’s been time or two I’ve come back early home and hadn’t had time to meal prep as much as I’d hoped and asked her if she could knock up some rlly simple basic things i had ready in fridge I usually make for LO, if she could, when she was asleep. I had to suggest she used her time like that when LO was asleep. And yes she’d done it but had I not come back early I wouldn’t have known she was spending rest of time in her room watching tv for few hrs.

Its just I guess I see a mum or two complaining on forums their live in nanny candidate was bored with unused hrs when child asleep and over helped trying to find things to do to fill their time and had unpacked dishes from a box the mum had hoped to send back. And I’m thinking wow, wish I had those problems with just my lady getting bored she wanted to meal prepare without being asked or had picked up hoover more than once for little ones areas without being gently nudged that time. And not doing it since.

For clarity.. her hrs are never set. She’s into flexibility of not having same hrs and days being same she mentioned when she joined. And this does work well for myself. So when she said just let me know day before what hrs for next day would work. They inevitably end up and can vary from something like 9am - 12/1pm and 3/.30/4- 6/7pm. Some rare days she’ll start at 8am if LO has a class that starts earlier she wants to take her to and do a long morning til little one goes down after having lunch. Then I’ll take over. Or another day she’ll do just a long afternoon.
Which is my sticking point. Because I don’t think you get this flexibility from these types of employment situations from what I read online.
So I’m aware how grateful I should be for this aspect of how she likes to work like this rather than regimented hrs the same days 24/7. And I wouldn’t find this desire or openness of flexibility she seems to offer with another. I very much doubt this is normal at all tbh.

So maybe will try to re iterate and or introduce some direct expectations of how to use free time (that am paying for). Not to be rude wasted, and better benefit my daughter. And see if things change a bit.

Being first time into this, think looking back I just know better now what and how to go about aspects of this. That should have asked for references via phone call from previous live in families perhaps agency had placed her with historically. I saw written ones. And ofcourse the agency said like a few of their potential candidates that ‘they’re currently working in a nursery so can’t get reference from there as their still employed at said place (and would basically put their current work in jeopardy)’.
And as the old saying goes a gold dust type person always gets work through personal recommendation. But if you know no one that has or uses a nanny this is not as easy as done. But feel now am more aware of what to look for and ask and or make clear before committing.

Will see how things go over coming months and decide what’s best. She’s not a bad pereon and I do value her for my daughter (but I don’t have anyone else really to compare her with and it’s not like you can trial a few people for this role so easily for a week each to compare once you have someone already in your child’s life, it’s a delicate and tricky thing to know how it will turn out once someone’s already employed. She is just cheeky at times with use of hrs I feel, the perks she has and how easy a gig my daughter is and other matters of our situation and perhaps got comfortable. Though I have tried to nudge politely here and there it seems to not last long.
Where her wages comes out of money that is there for the benefit of my daughter. Things really need to change. And that’s partly down to me now

This is really helpful advice. Thankyou for sharing all that. Much appreciated

It’s times like this wish had a partner to do this alongside. Face to face discussions like this I am dreading. The old me wouldn’t think twice about it. So anything I’ve gently needed to mention that could be awkward have done it on the WhatsApp group chat we have for my Daughters daily diary of what we’ve separately or both done with her so the other is up to speed. Non awkward stuff is shared as general face to face chit chat.

I think part of me deep down feels where she’s seen me not at my best / quite low (I should have mentioned this in initial opening post). (This entails me being in ‘home clothes’ or ashamed to say, pyjamas 🤦‍♀️ whether on laptop or meal prepping for LO or getting things done and or just becoming a bit of a recluse if I’m not doing anything for / with LO (I don’t socialise outside of what i need to do for LO due to stress am under with external matters in life (court case/home move/issues relating to non existent father to my LO and how ill navigate her mental health later on). I feel I’ve lost any respect as an employer. As in she may think well who are you to judge. This woman doesn’t even brush her hair every day.

But I make sure that everything is paid for for her and my daughter so that’s all that matters however I am turned out or just spend my life as a recluse once done all I need to do regarding ‘keeping the show running’ so to speak and loving my daughter hiding sadness and stress from LO. But I do feel I’ve made my bed partly to be not respected as past employers she may have had because I have been easy going and am not ‘looking the part’ but just getting by mentally and physically myself which is not hard to hide when under same roof.

My daughter is so loved / doesn’t feel this aspect of my life. has so much of my love that’s all the energy I have she has. feed her more than feed myself. She has everything she could ever need and want. And is such a happy being. By time she is old enough in year I will be back on top form that she won’t know I secretly wasn’t a happy person when mommy wasn’t spending mom time hours with her but for now this lady see’s I’m a shadow of most people and have let things fly here and there because I’m just grateful to not be judged that I look like a corpse and my idea of a social life is sleep when I can get it 😵‍💫

anyways thanks all for the advice. I know need to make some changes and make things clearer and perhaps decide whether live in or live out childcare help will work better dynamic wise for getting the best for the hrs of employment. Or if we just need a change in candidate at a later stage.

Why don't you ask the agency to facilitate it? Although I think once you get started it won't be as bad as you think. Have all your notes written down so you don't forget anything

Thanks for your message about this. I was worried to check back on here in case I got any hate The discussing that I was struggling myself health wise mentally and physically.

But after being told this AM the Lady is unwell for a second time in the space of a week When I’ve been up late cleaning and doing things late into the night to get things prepped for today for her and LO, thinking she was going to be taking my daughter out to soft play that I’ve paid for this morning. And also being up in the night with a teething l bottle one. It’s not really not what I needed today 🤦‍♀️

Before I went with an agency, I did speak to a young girl who lived local who saw my independent advertising of someone and thought she would give some friendly advice on the whole Norland Nanny life and did mention that year placement thing they do. I’d obviously missed the window from what I gathered for that at the time but she wanted to j out share her knoweledge. she seemed to love her Training college and about spreading the word. She was super insightful but unfortunately she was shortly taking on the role for her training year role a bit later than most of her year apparently that we’re graduating but we did a meet and greet and she was really interesting and insightful.

I’ll contact Norland Nannie’s and find out when their window is to sign up for one of these types of people as may be worth looking into those like You say that are looking for their work placement where they’re monitored at a certain time of year that they’re looking for that to be placed with a family 🙏

Also going to speak to the agency that I found my current lady and get some insights into how sick days work. Because I did see on some template contracts that other Agency sent over that at the time felt quite overbearing to include in a contract. But there was mention of if they’re sickness the person after so long (I’m not sure how long) Should go to the GP for an evaluation of their health. I even saw on some contracts that employers had wanted to ask for a disclosure of their past medical history. So For sure, I’ve learnt along this way of how things should start from the beginning, To perhaps only accept verbal references. And other things to look out for, Ask, And what not.

Just frustrating as the Agency fee for candidate placing was nearly £4000. And I’ve missed the three months mark of where they replace the candidate for free should anything not work out.

It’s a shame because as I said the bond with my daughter is something that I don’t want to take away from my daughter. And right now with my health personally, I don’t need big changes or huge gaps of no childcare help. So I do need her. But after another sickness day today, which is too within a week. Being told right before when she’s due to start. Just Pretty painful on the finance side of things and the tiredness side of things For myself 🤦‍♀️

I see , from your explanation there I would honestly give her notice. She absolutely should be preparing healthy meals from scratch , maybe also some batch cooking for your dd while she is sleeping. Also your dd’s laundry, tidying her room /and playroom area , sorting her toys etc. Not even cleaning the bathroom after herself is awful.
You have basically got an au pair who isn’t even fulfilling that role well, but paying a nanny salary.

Get rid of her. It’s not working for you

unless you need overnights why is she live in

what hours do work /actually need

find a diff nanny who will do 35hrs if that’s what you need so 7hrs so say 9-4

have set hours

she should cook healthy meals for dd and nursery duties so cleaning her bedroom /bathroom

I think you need to give her the opportunity to improve, especially since it sounds like your daughter has bonded well with her. There is such a variation in the quality of Nanny’s unfortunately but ultimately you’re paying her a lot of money to make your life easier so you have to communicate what you need (she does sound like she’s not doing obvious key responsibilities).

It sounds like you need to be a lot more prescriptive. What does her contract say?

Perhaps on the meal front you can ask her to have a weekly meal plan in place and put up on a notice board somewhere so you can shop appropriately. I would also talk about the need for your daughter to be getting a range of different nutritious foods across the week. I’d expect there to be a variety of meals involving fish, meat, and a whole host of pulses/grains/vegetables (assuming DD isn’t vegetarian) and nothing to be ready meals or toast. It’s hard to make this happen if most meals are done ad hoc.

A great nanny would also be focusing their free time during naps on planning out age-appropriate activities based on child development, organising outings etc. We had an amazing nanny who used to (for example) create games involving my DC fishing for letters in the sand to work on letter recognition, visiting museums together, going to new outdoor locations etc. I think it can be hard for a childcare provider to transition from a structured nursery environment where they probably don’t have to ‘think’ about what needs to be done, to a nanny placement where they are in charge but that’s something they should actively work on.

you’re paying for a premium, tailored service so you should be getting this!