When the childminders and wrap around care doesn’t exist

[RoeDeer86]

Hi all
I’m a single mum to a 5 year old. Dad sees him for supervised visits. I work 4 days, 1-2 days in the office (relying on public transport). After school and breakfast clubs just about cover me for my working from home days, my office days my mum picks up and drops off. Neither breakfast or after school club runs long enough to cover my office day hours and commutes. My mum is getting older and works part-time and older sister has care needs. Childminders are non-existent for drop offs and pick ups. After school club doesn’t run Fridays so I’ve asked to swap my day off to a Friday so I can collect my son. I just feel so stuck. I want to work but there’s just no proper wrap around care to support us and I obviously can’t (and wouldn’t) rely on my son’s dad. Other grandmother sees my son every week with my mum but I keep her at arm’s length for childcare because she’s a controlling narcissist and I can’t trust she wouldn’t allow my son to see his father more than the court agreed contact is allowed.

I don’t really know what I’m asking advice for, other than whinging that it’s all so hard. My son’s behaviour is quite exhausting and challenging a lot of the time and I’m doing almost full time hours and trying to juggle it, giving my all at work and I’m just spent emotionally, always worrying. I wish I could work a bit less but I don’t even know how that would or could work. Work are as understanding as they can be, given that none of them are in my situation.

Thank you for reading.

Would another parent from your DC class look after your child (paid of course)

Thank you for your reply. I don’t really know any of the other parents (I’m very shy and reserved and they’re all very cliquey), plus I think the majority of them work as well

Is there any possibility that you could flex your hours and do them across 5 days?

I’m switching to 5 short days from September - not ideal but il do it for a while so I can drop off and collect

il be doing 28 hours a week over the 5 days

there is after school but not until she’s 5.

What about a nanny?

What does everyone else do at the school? Take an afternoon off and see who is picking up - there may be a local nursery who offers afterschool care or a childminder you're unaware of. If most parents work there must be another option.

If there isn't - either do what the pp said and flex your hours over 5 days, or it might be easier just to find another school with access to a childminder or longer after school care.

I think this is more common than MN like to make out: there aren’t any childminders at our primary school and wraparound starts at 8 and finishes at 4, so not great for an average working day.

When my eldest started school, I switched from 4 days to 3 days and 2 half days, precisely so I could do school run. I was allowed to work from home on the half days, so no commute.

i agree about asking for flexi and splitting.

can your office hours be spread over 3 days so that you aren’t asking for more WFH time? Also when you work from home can you do longer hours than office days?

This is why I'm looking for night shift work because at least DH can look after little one because I've got no way of working it otherwise

Taxi part of your journey to speed it up?

I worked 5 shorter days while the kids where still little. I'd drop off at breakfast club then finish in time to pick-up from school, could this be an option. Now mine are older I'm back to 4 longer days, same hours just worked differently. As you have a young child you are entitled to put in a flexible working request to work. All they can do is say no but they may be more willing to be flexible then you think.

Could you do a reciprocal arrangement with someone on your road /nearby with kids at the school.

You'll do Tuesdays until 6 and they do Wednesdays etc

When looking at schools I selected one with wraparound as I couldn’t manage without it. Does the school know there’s demand for more of an offer? Sometimes if parents speak up they will look at what they can offer.

Even if you are reserved with the other school parents, I’d put a message on the class WhatsApp (?) or ask the office for wraparound recommendations and say that you need support on X and Y days. There will be other working parents and you may find provision you didn’t know about.

Call the school office and ask for their suggestions.

Put a note on the class whatsapp group asking for suggestions.

Talk to your boss about working 5 days, 10-2

I had the same. I hope it works out

It’s very common even if the before and after school club runs long hours. My commute is one hour. Leaving the office at 5.30, I arrive home just after 6.30. You can only make it work if you have flexibility working or another person sharing the pick up and drop offs. I had DH doing it and flexible work that allowed me leaving the office at 3 on my pick up day. This is pre Covid.

Is there a reason that you need to be in the office or is it just the company policy? If it’s just the policy I’d do a flexible working request to do a third day from home.

It would mean that you can use breakfast and after school care on 3 days which seems to work well. And halves the amount of looking after that your mum has to do.

I would also challenge you gently to build some relationships with the other parents. I’m a single parent and I’ve found it absolutely invaluable to have someone who I can call in an emergency to help out. It doesn’t matter if they’re a bit cliquey or whatever - just choose the child your kid likes the best and ask if they would like to come over for a cuppa and a play on Friday afternoon. Generally, if you’ve had someone over they’ll invite you back and you can gradually get to know each other.

I think either you spread your 4 days across 5 so you have shorter days or you move closer to work or find work closer to home/school to make the commute shorter.