Childminder/preschool.. what am I doing

[Whitelotus5]

DD 2.10 has been going to a childminder for a year (after we pulled her from nursery as she was really struggling). She loves the cm, she goes 2 days a week.

5 weeks ago she started at preschool, 9-3:30 2 days a week. Completely different environment. Ofsted outstanding, they clearly love the kids and do some amazing things but she doesn’t nap (she does every other day), comes home emotional, behaviour is declining and I don’t think she loves it. They said she had a very up and down day, has attached to the adults, isn’t really socialising and spent some time in the office today colouring ☹️

I said to DH I think we started her too early.. he disagrees and says we need to persevere.

My options are..

• drop preschool completely, try again in September after she’s 3 (and then drop the cm?)
• drop the childminder and move to 4 preschool days now in the hope she will settle faster
• Continue as we are, but shorten her days and pick her up after lunch (not sure if this will help)

I’m so lost, she does find bigger settings overwhelming but I thought she would ok now she’s a bit older. I said she can stay home with me tomorrow but I need to make a decision before next week.

I’d keep going exactly as you are for now through to summer. The less time they do in a setting each week the longer it takes to settle in but it will happen and it doesn’t seem that she hates it. I wouldn’t worry about the napping, they sleep or they don’t and it doesn’t matter. 5 weeks is no time at all with only 2 days. See where you are in July.

You either have the adjustment now or when she starts school and the younger they are the easier it is I think. You can tell the ones at school that went to nursery/pre-school as they settle so quickly to it. I wouldn’t stop but I wouldn’t increase either.

Thank you @FancyCatSlave, I really appreciate another opinion. I don’t think she hates it, there’s no tears on drop off.. but she does say ‘I don’t like preschool’ ‘please don’t make me go’ etc. It’s so difficult, I hate the thought of her being upset.

Why do you need her to go to preschool?

@homeedmam I’ve gone back to work full time, so need childcare on the Thursday and Friday and the cm doesn’t work those days.

I did speak to cm who works at another preschool on her other days, and she said it’s a busy term before the older ones go off to school and we need to persevere, it wouldn’t help to pull her at this point. Just all feels crap.

Are the two days consecutive? It’s harder to settle them in with fewer days per week. I’d keep going and see how it carries on, especially once the current top age of preschool moves onto school.

Napping-wise, mine dropped naps gradually between 2.5 and 4.5 years. At 2.5 was napping consistently every day. Didn’t need naps at all by 4.5. So we had a couple of years of it being variable. She dropped the naps at nursery/preschool first, think there was too much going on and they napped them earlier there than she was used to at home. That was 3 days a week. So we just made sure she got to bed earlier those nights. She still napped the other four days a week for a while. Then dropped to 3-4 of those days, then 2 (usually the day after doing 3 days at preschool), then 1 nap a week.

What do you feel she's getting from the change? All settings follow the EYFS mine attend library story times, picnics, forest school sessions we run and Toddler group where we are with the same 5 childminders and up to 20 children.... doesn't your childminder do this? None of mine leave until Reception and teachers always say they are well prepared