Ok I am thinking of getting a babysitter for an afternoon/evening ...please talk me through it and tell me it will be ok

[Fillyjonk]

have never had a babysitter outside immediate family. I know that probably makes me odd in MN circles but hey

dp and I NEED some time together (well dd2 would have to come as bfding but she will bascially sleep)

the kids are Not Happy but I figure it is only for a few hours

Please try to normalise this idea for me

Am thinking of that agency Sitters where they are all checked and so forth. But still nervous...

(it does have to be afternoon/early evening, I think, I would not wish our crazy bedtime rituals on anyone else...the agency does seem to do afternoons/early evenings, so that is ok)

kids are 4 and 2

(and I have never had a babysitter, I know, I know. God I am sticking my head in the lion's mouth here )

Don't worry, i read a letter to a problem page a while back from a husband who said 'my wife has refused to go out in the evenings since our children were born. They are aged 17 and 11....' so you have a while to go before being certifiably bonkers.

If you are very nervous, can you get word of mouth recommendation? If someone you know and trust can tell you that X is very reliable and good with the children then I think this is probably the best check there is.

Otherwise, try it slowly for a few hours. Hopefully when nothing is awry you will feel able to go for longer. I do think it is important to be able to get some time away and good for the children as well. They've got to be apart from you at some time!

Afternoon care would technically not be babysitting - according to Ofsted, who feel babysitting is between the hours of 6pm and 2am. Of course that's just the Governments view. I expect you will pay cash and ask no questions.

Someone local to you, who your children and you can get to know in advance, I feel is probably a better bet than using an agency. While agencies will these days try to provide the same person on each occasion, it may not be possible. While someone local to you may not be available every time you need them, at least you can discuss with them when they are available - whereas with an agency, if your preferred sitter isn't available, they will just send someone else... won't they?

Would therefore suggest seeing if you can recruit someone locally yourself, before resorting to agencies. Word of Mouth can be a great way. Ads at local newsagents, church, other such venues... searching internet databases such as at NannyJob (Babysitters Search) and FindASitter. If you recruit someone who already works in childcare, you can ask to see their Enhanced CRB disclosure, First Aid certificate, contact references etc.

With someone independent to an agency, you may be able to get the minimum booking time reduced... agencies often have 4-hour minimums.

Perhaps it would help to discuss your worries, then we can help to alleviate those concerns.

What are your specific fears/worries/concerns?

Also, perhaps post roughly where you are located... never know another Mumsnetter may be able to recommend someone.

Filly I don't think it is weird to never have used a babysitter outside immediate family.

I have never used one, but am thinking about it for when ds is a bit older. When I was at university a couple of my friends did babysitting (through an agency I think, who advertised at the student employment service). Would you consider advertising at local college/university? You could interview people and get them to entertain dd1 and ds while you are there initially and see how you get on. You would be able to tell if someone was ok wouldn't you? FWIW I wouldn't be happy leaving ds with someone until we had all got used to each other.

Where abouts are you? You'd be better looking on netmums.co.uk, gumtree.com or familiesonline.co.uk

Where abouts are you? You'd be better looking on netmums.co.uk, gumtree.com or familiesonline.co.uk

sitters often text me asking me to babysit in daytime hours on a saturday

I ALWAYS refuse because at little over £5 per hour its less than half of my normal wages on a week day... and id expect even more on MY precouse weekend!

there are lots of greta babysitters out there... do any of your friends have a nanny? thoigh i know i myslef dont do childcare at the weekends if i can help it,

so long as u get a responsible person who lieks chidlren you should all be fine

i think the REAL problem is that for quite a long time I did babysitting.

And would I enturst my PFB and PSBs to me aged 20? no bloody way!

Also its the practicalities. What if s/he is lovely but doesn't click with the kids (ds esp can be a -4- -year- -old- -boy- handful).

odd as it might sound, I don't think I know ANYONE locally who has used a babysitter. I am pretty much unique among my friends in not having a large extended family close by and thus babysitting on tap...its just the area, I think. If I had come to hear of anyone through friends I'd have probably got a sitter much sooner...

oh they are quite used to going out with grandparents when they are up (around every 4 weeks on average) , and with my brother, they'll stay overnight with family etc. I don't think they will be delighted to stay with someone they have only just met, unless they happen to get on brilliantly, but to some extent that is tough, we need the time!

will check out other links though and ponder...

(oh dear that came out a bit wrong

I am sure everyone is more competant than me aged 20. )

We aren't all in out 20's, or teens... some of us are older than that These days, I'm finding that I am very close in age to the parents.

"What if s/he is lovely but doesn't click with the kids (ds esp can be a -4- -year- -old- -boy- handful)."
That is why I feel meetings before hand are important. It gives everyone a chance to see how things may work out, or not as the case may be. Can still be hard to know, but gut reactions I find are quite reliable. When your DS shows the person his latest collection of things (be it Thomas, Dinosaurs, stones, leafs, whatever) and the person takes an interest, I'm sure he will soon suss if he will get along with that person, or not.

could you wait until the next time family visit? or swap with a friend?

oh, & mine are 6 & almost 3 & have never been left with an official babysitter. they often go & play with friends, and are looked after by grandparents, but have never done the teenager putting them to bed thing.

I work for the agency Sitters, and I am also an ofsted registered Childminder.

Sitters are great to work for and all the families that I babysit for are extremley happy with the service. It's a really professional company, and all the employee's are interviewed and have to provide references etc.

I would say, go for it. Once you get to know some of the sitters in your area, you can request them as your first choice, and that way the kids will get to know the sitters too.

In the absence of immediate family, we have no choice, but we only use teenagers we know through Church and school and even then not very often.

He is 7.