WWYD - DSs don't agree on holiday clubs

[bizzybeing]

DS1 (12yo) has found a holiday club he would really like to do that fits with his interests. It's at his school so he's perfectly happy to go there and back by himself. It's only 10am-4pm when I work 9-5 but it's not that different to what he does for school so we're fairly comfortable with that. So all good.

DS3 (6yo) would also like to go which is trickier. The club runs for a whole week and I only work 4 days so I could spread my hours to make it work for him.

Problem is DS2 (10yo) absolutely does not want to go. He would like to do a different club at the same times for some days and accepting a less exciting childcare club with long days for the others and a day at home with me.

I can't do drop off and pick up for both and DH's work pattern doesn't fit with the hours at all so he can't help (unless he takes holiday which rather defeats the point of organising childcare 🤣)

So Mumsnet can you help me think of a way to keep everyone happy?

DS1 has offered to look after DS3 before and after club and take him on the bus which is a kind offer but not going to happen!

I can't find any parents I know doing the same clubs so can't ask for favours and the grandparents are away.

DS3 has suggested that we do what he wants this holiday and DS2 choose next time. DS2 says that's not fair because in May there's usually a club that they both really enjoy!

Tearing my hair out as I need to sort this fairly urgently but I'm going to have one very cross boy made worse by their brother being annoying because they got what they want!

Can eldest and youngest do all week, and middle do 3 days then 2 at home, assuming you will work from home?

Can you do 3 days at club 1, 2 at club 2?

Could you afford to pay someone local to drop one set off at the club?
If not they will all need to go together, unfortunately. Or their dad needs to flex his hours in some way (you're planning to lose a day off to facilitate the first club, after all!)

Why can’t the oldest look after the youngest?

How far are the clubs from each other?

Do you both work at a work site, with you off one day, meaning there are 4 days to cover?

DH doing no weekday parenting (pre and/or post drop offs) during the challenging holiday period is poor. He’s working 5 days like he has no DC, while you rush around.

If he won’t do a share then would let DS1 go to his preferred club & take DS2 and DS3 to the club DS2 prefers. Or if you can both wfh a bit juggle just a couple of days and leave DS2 home a couple.

That's a lot to expect of a 12 year old!

Is it? It sounds fine to me

I'd say to DS2 tough, he can choose next time.

DS2 and 3 go to DS2 choice and you take/pick up. DS1 makes his own way to and from his choice.

I doubt the holiday club would be happy to release the 6 yo into the care of the 12 yo anyway, but yes l think looking after the younger one in the morning and getting them both to and from the club on the bus is too much responsibility.

Blimey, sounds very normal to me. Loads of secondary aged children walk down to the local primary and collect their younger siblings at the end of the day.

I wouldn't make my child go to a club they will hate, certainly not for a whole week. So I'd tell DS3 he and DS2 need to go elsewhere. DS1 has the privilege of going because he can get himself there and back, when DS3 is old enough he will be able to do the same.

Can DS2 choose the next time there’s a difference of opinion? (So the May half term club is not ‘his’ choice as they would both choose it anyway) but give him the controlling vote for one week in the summer holidays for example.

Yep here you need to work out whst works for you with DS2 and 3 are tell this is how it is going to be rather than giving them the choice

Can you work 10:30-3:30 for the 4 days, then make up the time on the final day & let the other 2 have a yes day? Presume this is entirely a wfh week anyway, as you’ve not mentioned commuting.

12yo absolutely can take a 6yo on a bus unless there’s something you aren’t telling us about the area?

10yo gets dropped off at his club of choice.

all have a day with you and DH takes a days AL that day too. Family day.

It’s only for an hour at the beginning and end of each day - that’s fine.

I’d suggest middle one goes to clubs he wants and your dh pulls his weight and does drop off for him, working late if necessary, and you do pick up. Or you drop other two and let them make their own way home.

DH works in the office some weeks and from home others. I work in the office all the time but in walking distance do not much of a commute.

DH sorts all childcare when he's wfh and I deal with his office weeks (which are fixed by team meetings etc so not negotiable). So he definitely does his share but can't help with his one.

DS3 will not listen to DS1 and there are busy roads to cross so definitely not fair to expect DS1 to look after him.

Looking at a paid pick up/drop off is a good call. I'll investigate that.

I'd say 12 gets to do his choice, as he can get himself there and back on the bus it sounds like? If he found it and can get himself there I can't see why he should be the one who has to not do what he wants.

If 6 would like to do the same club but isn't massively invested I'd be trying to find something 6 and 10 could do at the same time together that fits with your hours or paying someone else.

DS3 will not listen to DS1 and there are busy roads to cross so definitely not fair to expect DS1 to look after him.

Well it's a lesson for DS3, isn't it. Can't behave sensibly when he's out with his brother, he doesn't get to choose which club he does.