Don't know what to think about a conversation with ds's childminder today

[shreddies]

We've got a childminder that I really like, DS (16 months) seemed comfortable with her straightaway and I thought he was really happy there. He had her to himself for a month when he first started 5 months ago and then another baby started. The cm said that ds became clingy and didn't like her to pay attention to the other child, but as far as I was aware that had all settled down.

Today, when I was picking him up she said that he still doesn't seem to have settled. I don't know what to think, DS has always been a very easy and sociable child. I'm worried that he has been unhappy there and I didn't realise , that she is gearing up to saying that she doesn't want to look after him anymore, and that if he isn't happy with her, he won't be happy in any childcare.

More irrationally I feel upset that her experience of him is so different to mine and DH's (and our friends). Could it be a personality clash? Or is he finding it difficult to cope with another child? I'm baffled, and quite anxious.

Sounds a bit like jealousy to me. He had her to himself for a while, then another child came along - who may be more demanding - and thus he gets less individual attention.
That will happen in any childcare setting, when he does not get 1:1 care. So it is something he needs to get used to.
Is he actually unhappy to go?
Is he unhappy when you collect?
Does his CM actually say he is unhappy?

Yes, I think it could be jealousy too, but I'm surprised it's gone on for so long, (the other child started 4 months ago.)

He can be a bit whingy when we leave him, but he's not distressed, he's fine when we collect him, (and sometimes doesn't want to leave) and she didn't actually say he is unhappy, she just seemed frustrated

Does he seem to get on with the older children at the childminders (for example, childminders own children, after-school children etc.)?
If he isn't unhappy, I wouldn't move him. Perhaps try to get your CM to be more specific about anything she is finding a frustration.

DH said he'd have a chat with her tomorrow, and said that's what he'd try to do. He loves the other children there - two older girls. I don't want to move him, I just have fingers crossed that she isn't thinking about giving us notice.

he's abttling for the baby title that all..he will get used to it but you def need to speak to your cm as it sounds like it is her who's finding it hard, like you say ask specifics and try and work out a plan between you all??

I was going to say the same as above, sounds like its the childminder that is finding it hard , hope tyou managed to talk to your childminder and sort this out

Give her a call and chat about it when she isn't working, as you don't want to be worrying about her giving you notice.

I am a childminder and if a parent had any worries like that, I would want them to discuss it with me.

I look after a 16 month old boy, and it can be quite a clingy age. I think he will love having a little play mate, once he is used to the idea.

Good luck.

I am a CM and one of the best examples of children behaving differently with me was with two siblings who were very independent at home(fed themselves and walked everywhere) when they with me they wouldn't eat unless I fed them and if I "made myself busy" whilst the food was on the table they would wait for me to finish even if I reminded them repeatedly and gently that they could do it like they did at home, they just wouldnt.
It was the same with the walking at home and out with parents they would walk for miles apparently but with me if we even walked for a minute they would be crying that their legs hurt and wanting the pushchair or a carry.
Neither of these things were a problem I just always took the buggy and I fed them until they wanted to do it themselves with me. I just wanted to highlight that children do behave differently with a CM than a parent. They develop their own relationship.

Talk to CM and ask her if she wants you to find another CM. Tell her your DS loves going and that you are happy with her.